Tag Archives: Song

His smile…

Lately I have been seeing my forever heart’s smile everywhere.  I was so afraid for years of losing the essence of him.  I can’t recall the sound of his voice, his laugh, anymore and that hurts my soul.  For many years, I hadn’t been able to look at photos of him, it hurt too much.  He has been gone for 15 years – I wish I knew then how important photos would become – since now I want to recall his face, and I have so few photos of him, of us.  Now if I fall in love, I will take more photos.  Photos have become so much more important to me especially after losing the three most important men in my life.

The other day I just was in total silence, alone, and found myself staring at Michael’s photo – he had such a beautiful smile.  That smile got me through so much.  And now after 15 years of isolating myself, of mourning, of hibernating, I am allowing myself to be fully vulnerable.  I have tried the past three years but I strongly believe the past few months have seen me at my most raw vulnerability and reawakening.

I am open to so many more things and experiences this past year.  I also see the beauty all around me.  I had died when Michael died but I have been given new leases on life and am finally, finally and finally ready to fully live … accepting change, opening my heart … no more  halfheartedly living.  I am no longer just writing about embracing life and I am living and looking for that embrace.

I came across this passage that resonates:

“I’m not sure I’ll ever know the meaning of life or what comes for us after death, but I know it’s more than the hysteria people make it out to be. It’s about freeing your soul when no one else can; turning thirty and still feeling like you’re seventeen. It’s about taking chances on a whim, embracing the rain during the storm, and smiling so damn much that you start to cry. It’s never regretting, never forgetting, and always being.  It’s kissing underwater and touching in the dark. Loving even when you think it’s emotionally impossible and surviving someway and somehow.   It’s about living life with a full heart and an overflowing glass.

I live life on the edge. I dream, I care, and I belong.  I know there’s a here and now.  I know that I want it.”  ―Nadege Richard, 5 Miles 

Yes!!!  After so many years of living like I was dead, I am ready to live life on the edge, in the here and now.  Fully present and aware and accepting.

I am seeing Michael’s smile in others, I am seeing the good and love in others.  I don’t want to lose that smile nor my own ever again.

I heard this stirring song the other day, and I know there will be many days where grief keeps me still, sadness will wash over me, but I don’t want to live there anymore.

I see your face
in the boy that stands beside me
and I just love the way that feels

I heard your laugh
in the cafe on the corner
but that voice belongs to someone else

And I hoped to find you
standing by my side forever
where we would have stayed
for always

And I’d hoped to feel you
holding my hand in your hand
where we would have stayed
always

I’m sure I felt
your warm breath on my shoulder
the breeze was playing with my mind

I know we had to be apart
these thoughts are locked away inside my heart
I know you never meant to leave me here behind

And I hoped to find you
standing by my side forever
where we would have stayed
for always

I miss you
and I need you

And I hope to find you
standing by my side forever
where we would have stayed
for always
And I’d hoped to feel you
holding my hand in your hand
where we would have stayed
always

My love for you has been torn apart
left me stranded
left me in the dark

Love that started out with open doors
has been put back into pause

My thoughts of you will keep me going strong
I think of you holding on
just one more day I forever crave
Always

And I miss you

 

 

 

 


My Last Day …

Have been having a terribly long stint of insomnia lately but I have been resting, laying in bed listening to music and prone dancing – yes just made that up.

Heard this beautiful song last in the wee hours of today.  The English lyrics have been translated below – but as most of us know, direct translation never captures the same meaning.  It’s a beautifully stirring song.

As if it were my last day,
I’m going to live with a sincere love
And show those close to me how much I love them.

As if it were my last day,
I’m going to fight for my dreams,
Living without fear and treasuring every minute.
I’m not going to wait until tomorrow because all I have is the present.

If there wasn’t much time, I would stay and take a moment
To show you that I love you and that I am fully content that I have you.
And if your joy depended on me, I would give everything I can to you to make this day the best day in our life.

If this was my last chance to look at you again,
I would make this moment the most important in your memory,
Because in the times of difficulty and stress of this life, we miss the details we later wish we could remember.
And then regret that we’ve forgotten these experiences, and mourn that we cannot recreate them.

If there wasn’t much time, I would stay and take a moment
To show you that I love you and that I am fully content that I have you.
And if your joy depended on me, I would give everything I can to you,
And make this day the best day in our life.

I would enjoy all that God has given me
friends, family and love,
and I’ll make this day the best of my life.


My Angels Led You In …

Been home sick, allergies, sinus infection, feeling miserable, cold, difficulty breathing … feeling sorry for myself, flipping through TV channels … and the movie “A Cinderella Story” (2004) is playing.  It’s the part where they are at the last football game … right before the rain – what a beautiful metaphor:  ‘Because waiting for you is like waiting for rain in this drought, useless and disappointing’.  Then the song is playing, the main character has a realization, the kiss, the rain drop … Love!

This is a great song and the words resonate.  They are beautifully stirring.  Tonight I can’t stop thinking of my forever heart.  In 1999, I was in such a transition period of my life, in remission from leukemia, dealing with the loss of my brother and Dad, putting one foot in front of the other and telling myself to breathe each day, switching careers, moving from one town to another for my job …and out walking my dog one long day after work, I meet this guy, who was at first I thought quite obnoxious, too sure of himself.  Who knew he would win me over, and take hold of my heart.  Only God knows how much I miss him.  I can’t seem to quite meet anyone after he passed that even comes close to making my heart melt.  My Angels have led you in … ❤

 

There’s no one in town I know
You gave us some place to go.
I never said thank you for that.
I thought I might get one more chance.
What would you think of me now,
so lucky, so strong, so proud?
I never said thank you for that,
now I’ll never have a chance.
May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.
So what would you think of me now,
so lucky, so strong, so proud?
I never said thank you for that,
now I’ll never have a chance.
May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.
May angels lead you in.
May angels lead you in.
And if you were with me tonight,
I’d sing to you just one more time.
A song for a heart so big,
god wouldn’t let it live.
May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.
May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.
May angels lead you in….


Happy…♥

Despite my asthma and bronchitis acting up due to this frigid weather – I went last night to the doctors for a new inhaler…so life is okay; will only continue to get better. Co-workers are packing up the office for our move back to our permanent space after a temporary move due to a flood…and they were humming this song by Pharrell…Happy!!! Now I don’t have children, so I never went to see the movie, “Despicable Me 2″…Pharrell’s “Happy” is off of the ‘Despicable Me 2′ soundtrack. It was first released early 2013, but gained traction only by the end of the year, currently leading the US iTunes charts. Pharrell Williams’ ‘Happy’ Hits No. 1 On Hot 100! The track is a great feel-good song and will make you feel happy and clap along….

It might seem crazy what I’m ’bout to say
Sunshine she’s here, you can take a break
Mama – hot air balloon that could go to space
With the air like I don’t care, baby, by the way

Because I’m happy…
Come along if you feel like a room without a roof
Because I’m happy…
Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth
Because I’m happy…
Clap along if you know what happiness is to you
Because I’m happy…
Clap along if you feel like that’s what you want to do

Here comes bad news, talkin’ this and that
But give me all you’ve got, and don’t hold it back
Well, I should probably warn you, I’ll be just fine
No offense to you, don’t waste your time, here’s why…

Bring me down… can’t nothing…
Bring me down… your love is too high…
Bring me down… can’t nothing…
Bring me down, I said (let me tell you now)
Bring me down… can’t nothing…
Bring me down… your love is too high…
Bring me down… can’t nothing…
Bring me down, I said…

Because I’m happy…
Come along if you feel like a room without a roof
Because I’m happy…
Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth
Because I’m happy…
Clap along if you know what happiness is to you
Because I’m happy…
Clap along if you feel like that’s what you want to do

Bring me down… can’t nothing…
Bring me down… your love is too high…
Bring me down… can’t nothing…
Bring me down, I said (let me tell you now)


Don’t Want This Night To End…♥

Girl I know I don’t know you
But your pretty little eyes so blue
Are pulling me in
Like the moon on your skin

I’m so glad you trusted me
To slide up on this dusty seat
And let your hair down
Get out of town

Got the stars coming out over my hood
And all I know now is it’s going good

You got your hands up
You’re rocking in my truck
You got the radio on
You’re singing every song
I’m set on cruise control
I’m slowly losing hold
Of everything I got
You’re looking so damn hot

And I don’t know what road we’re on
Or where we’ve been
From staring at you girl
All I know is I don’t want this night to end

Gonna cuss the morning when it comes
Cause I know that the rising sun
Ain’t no good for me
Cause you’ll have to leave

Gonna make the most of every mile
Do anything to make your smile
Land on my lips
Get drunk on your kiss

Clock on the dash says 3:35
There’s plenty of gas and the night’s still alive

You got your hands up
You’re rocking in my truck
You got the radio on
You’re singing every song
I’m set on cruise control
I’m slowly losing hold
Of everything I got
You’re looking so damn hot

And I don’t know what road we’re on
Or where we’ve been
From staring at you girl
All I know is I don’t want this night to end

You got your hands up
You’re rocking in my truck
You got the radio on
You’re singing every song
I’m set on cruise control
I’m slowly losing hold
Of everything I got
You’re looking so damn hot

And I don’t know what road we’re on
Or where we’ve been
From staring at you girl
All I know is I don’t want this night to end

I don’t want this night to end

No I don’t want this night to end…♥


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