There’s no smoke without fire…

Why do people cheat??   And I mean cheat on their partners – not on their taxes…

When I was engaged to the love of my life, thoughts of other people, didn’t even cross my mind, Hugh Jackman could have tried to seduce me, and as flattered as I would have been, I would have smiled, and walked away.  But when I married one of my closest friends, I have to admit I took many glances at others, but even then I remained faithful, and semi-unhappy in a non-passionate marriage.  Now that I am divorced and looking for love again, I find that many people cheat – and we are older now, in our 40’s and 50’s.  I just don’t quite understand.

I have tried talking about this to my friends, to people who cheat.  But unfortunately, they haven’t been able to give me a  clear-cut answer, maybe there isn’t one.  I don’t know.

We spent a lot of time talking about the consequences if they get caught.   You really need to consider the worst-case scenario: Your partner finds out and is brokenhearted – Ask yourself, is it worth it?

You need to truly ask yourself why are you doing this, going behind their back and meeting up with someone else…To me, cheating is a choice…looking for attention, looking to find a new spark, instead of rediscovering it at home…maybe it isn’t this simple.  I admit, I do not know.

Many of my friends, acquaintances – have provided the following reasons for cheating, for stepping out of their marriage, relationship:

  • Boredom
  • Thrill of the unknown
  • She/he has changed
  • Feelings of neglect
  • Failure to communicate leads to less intimacy
  • Lack of emotional and relationship satisfaction
  • She/he nags too much
  • You are both leading parallel lives, doing things separately
  • Wanderlust – compelled to break from your daily routine
  • Passion has fizzled, need/want something new, different, exciting
  • She/he crave sexual “variety”
  • Ego needs a boost, need extra affirmation that you still got it…

Sex and love mean different things to many people which may lead them to cheat guilt free.  If someone experiences guilt, it is most likely not about the sex, but about the consequences…will the lover kiss and tell?  Will the partner find out?

Still….why do people cheat??

“We’re only monogamous because we realize that love and friendship are more important than getting laid,”

If I’d known you were cheating me,

I would have saved myself and set you free.

If I learned you weren’t the loving kind,

I would have saved some peace of mind.
My friends told me you would break my heart,

And never last, we would surely part.
There’s no smoke without fire,

Baby, baby you’re a liar.
People talk in this little town,

Rumors keep spreading all around.

And now word has it you’ve been foolin’ me,

I’m so blind that I cannot see.
My friends told me never to believe in you,

You never loved me you were never true

There’s no smoke without fire,

Baby, baby you’re a liar.
No there’s no smoke without fire.

Baby, baby you’re a liar.

You’re a liar

You’re a liar

You’re a liar

Baby you’re a liar.
There’s no light without a flame,

There’s no use in having you to blame.
No…There’s no smoke without fire.

Baby, baby you’re a liar.

You’re a liar…

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