Category Archives: worthy

Year of loss and forgiveness …

With the new year fast approaching, I have been thinking a lot about the past 12 months … the crushes I had, the dates I went on, the friendships I lost, the friendships I made.  There is one friendship I will miss for a bit longer – one I don’t understand why it ended.  This particular friend just started to ignore me one day and it continued even when I tried to ask her why – if I somehow offended her, was she going through something and just needed to be left alone.  I never heard back.  Ironically, she helped me realize my worth the past couple of years and not being a doormat to so many others.   I will always be in her debt for the kindness she showed me when I felt unworthy.  I recently unfriended her from social media.  Having that link there had become a reminder of the failure between us, and of how painful the situation had become. And although part of me will always wonder where she is and how she is doing, removing that connection has helped me move on.   I know I must have failed her in someway but I can’t beat myself up anymore.  I don’t regret trying to find the cause of the breakdown of our friendship nor do I regret once considering her my close friend.

One of the things that bothered me most was the silence; not only my former friend’s silence towards me, but also the fact that I felt that I couldn’t speak of what had happened between us to anyone else.  I felt stupid.  Since we didn’t have the typical friendship of hanging out, going shopping, etc.; she was my confidant – always a call, text, note away.   I will always be grateful for her wisdom, her understanding and being there when I truly needed her.  I hope one day she reads this, and knows she will forever hold a special place in my heart.

Adult friendships are hard, especially friendships with other women.  I won’t stop trying to bond with others.  I know my worth.  So with a little more heartbreak, I keep moving forward.

Learning not to obsesses about why someone has suddenly stopped talking to me, no longer wants to be my friend.  Learning I can’t live my life based on what other people say, do, nor how they react.

Learning to accept that I may never find the real reason.  I have learned the hard way, that not everyone is meant to be in our lives forever.

Learning to let go of everything I didn’t do right,  the negative things people have said, the gossip people spread, the lies others believe.

So with this year ending, learning how to forgive many for choosing to communicate with silence, and moving onto other people who want to be in my life …  with grace in my step, hope in my heart ….

“Should old acquaintance be forgot, and never brought to mind? Should old acquaintance be forgot, and auld lang syne?

For auld lang syne, my dear, for auld lang syne, we’ll take a cup of kindness yet, for auld lang syne. And surely you’ll buy your pint cup and surely I’ll buy mine! And we’ll take a cup o’ kindness yet, for auld lang syne…”

Good bye 2015!

 


I Am Worthy

Thanks to a great friend with a beautiful soul, I was reminded that I am worthy of so much more than what I am going through. Then I came across these quotes and it just turned my entire day, week around. Thank you…you know who you are.

You are not useless. You are not hopeless. And no matter how scared you are, you will never be alone. And deep down, somewhere, in the part of you that decided the good days and your happiness and your health were all worth fighting for, you know that, too. Hold onto that knowledge. It will see you through the worst. – Ella Ceron

You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. – Maya Angelou

Some people will never ‘get you’. Do not spend eternity asking why. People will see you differently, just cherish those who lift your soul. – Dodinsky’s Garden of Thoughts

The pain that you’ve been feeling, can’t compare to the joy that’s coming. – Romans 8:18

The best people possess a feeling for beauty, the courage to take risks, the discipline to tell the truth, the capacity for sacrifice. Ironically, their virtues make them vulnerable; they are often wounded, sometimes destroyed. – Ernest Hemingway

I refuse to be destroyed though. Not letting my struggles become my identity… I still know how to smile. I know how to love. I know how to live. More importantly, I know how to put one foot in front of the other … with grace in my step, hope in my heart…

You’ll meet her, she’s very pretty, even though sometimes she’s sad for many days at a time. You’ll see, when she smiles, you’ll love her. – Pan’s Labyrinth YES! Me! Worthy of all good things.


Awww-Worthy Moments

So….just watched the movie, “That Awkward Moment”, and at first, I was like, oh great another guys will be stupid movie, but it had some very significant moments of words to live by – worthy!

Every relationship arrives
at a critical moment,
a juncture,
between moving forward
and moving on.
I call that moment the “so.” …

“Go tell her how you feel.
Go make a scene.
Yeah.
– Make a public spectacle.
– Yeah.
Dude. Go big.
Do it like the movies.
Like the movies. Yeah.
– Like Jerry Maguire.
– I love that movie.
– I love that movie, man!
– So good.”

But tell me what you
love about her, man!
– What do you love about her?
– I love the way she laughs.
I like the way she fake laughs
when she knows that I need it.
Yes.
I love the way we
fit together in bed.
Because we’re the same height,
our crotches line up perfectly.
That’s really good.
I love that about it!
I mean, what are
the chances, right?
I love the way that she
looks in the morning.
Like at that exact moment
when she wakes up,
and her eyes just open
like two little butterflies.
– Two little…
– I love that!

Preppy Guy: I need a drink too. I’ll get you a drink too.
Ellie: Honestly what if I enjoy the drink. What happens then?
Preppy Guy: I’d love to hear what you think happens then.
Ellie: I’ll tell you what happens then we go play beer pong with your two roommates until I end up back at yours in Murray hill.
Preppy Guy: Yeah, that’s right how’d you know that.
Ellie: Yeah then I have to listen to your roommate have sex with Hilary, or Emily or whatever the girl’s name is, until we fall asleep. And then a year later we’re still playing beer pong in the same bars with your friends except now you feel pressured to get married and have kids because you think that’s what I want.
Jason: Then in the summers you drive up to the Hampton to meet his parents wondering the whole ride if they’re going to think your pretty enough.
Ellie: Smart.
Jason: Wondering the whole ride if they’re going to think you’re smart enough.
Ellie: Because no one is and then we have to drink shitty chardonnay.
Jason: At a shitty garden party.
Ellie: And have shitty conversations.
Jason: About shitty people.
Ellie: With his shitty mother.
Jason: Who let’s face it doesn’t think you’re smart enough.
Ellie: Pretty.
Jason: Let’s face it, doesn’t think you’re pretty enough.
Ellie: Because no one is.
Jason: No one ever will be.
Preppy Guy: What’s all that shit, I’m just talking about a drink.
Jason: Yeah, but it wasn’t just a drink though, was it.
Ellie: It was a marriage proposal.
Preppy Guy: Woah marriage , nah. It was a vodka soda. Alright fuck you guys then.
[preppy guy walks away]
Jason: Drink?
Ellie: Yep.

And my favorite part is the repeat of the above in a monologue towards the end … love the grand gesture of ‘sorry’!! Definitely an awww-worthy moment!!

And then the other guy
asked to buy her a drink,
right as Jason walked up.
And so she asked that guy,
“What happens
if I enjoy the drink?”
“What happens then?”
And he pretended not to know
the answer. So she told him.
She asked if they
would play beer pong
in that shitty bar with his friends
until they headed back to
his place in Murray Hill.
She asked if they’d have to
listen to his roommate
fuck Hilary or Emily,
or whatever her name was
till they fell asleep.
And she asked him if a year later,
they’d still be there in that bar.
The only difference being that now
he feels pressure to get married
and have kids, because he thinks
that that’s what she wants.
And then in the summers,
they would drive up
to the shitty Hamptons.
To meet his shitty parents.
Wondering the entire ride if they’d
think that she was pretty enough.
Smart.
Wondering the entire ride if
they think she’s smart enough.
Because no one was.
And no one ever will be.
And Jason knew that now.
And he would give anything
to go back to that moment.
The moment where they first met.
Before anything went wrong.
Before he didn’t show up for
her when she needed him most.
Before he understood that
being there for somebody
when it’s most difficult is really
all that relationships are.
Jason knew that now.
And he was so sorry
for what he had done.
But Jason also realized
that in that moment,
he wasn’t afraid, because he
thought she wasn’t the one.
He was absolutely terrified,
because he knew she was.
And if she could give him
just one more chance,
just one more chance,
she knew where to find him….

I am waiting on awww-worthy moments….


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