Category Archives: Work

PTSD … still …

Its been two years since I got hit by a car. And my anxiety, especially during the winter months, has not diminished. Lately, its at an all time high!! I am so afraid of slipping on the ice, breaking more bones. So much anxiety. I have definitely noticed how being hit by a car has changed the way I experience the city. Every time I see a taxi cab coming down the street, an almost daily sight, my thoughts rebound to my accident. Some changes, like never stepping off the curb until the light has actually changed, or looking both ways before crossing (sometimes twice), are probably good in a way. But all these inane thought race through my head in seconds – I am never again sure that a car will stop, and now my carefree walking in the city has come to and – abruptly and forever.

Although I recovered, for the most part, physically, I still walk around the city with a sense of permanent vulnerability. I still cannot cross many streets without looking both ways about four times and looking over my shoulder a dozen times while crossing. If a car gets too close, or if I think a driver turning my way doesn’t see me, I panic, break out in a sweat, and sometimes literally freeze. Sometimes, on crowded walkways, people stare, get frustrated with me, bump into me … all which just adds more anxiety.

Physically, I have been certainly recovering. But the last two years, I have became seriously depressed. Drugs did not help all that much. I was referred to a post-traumatic stress disorder therapist and during non-winter months, I think I am ok. But now my PTSD is at the forefront of my life. Waiting for the winter blues literally to leave so some of my depression can gradually lift.

For a long time, though, my life was defined by my accident. And I guess it still is -0 just when I thought I could put things behind me. So much is how much of my energy and time is spent on all the medical procedures, tests, rehabs, doctors’ visits etc., building anxiety, not to mention all that time I missed from work before they laid me off. And now looking to go back to work, I see how much I have really lost.

And the experience lingers, both mentally and physically. I have regained about 80 percent of my mobility and 70 percent of my strength, but it is just not the same. So many things I still can’t do, and this only leaves me more frustrated and disappointed. In my mind, I’ll never be the same and that’s heartbreaking to some extent.

And the fear and the vulnerability stay with me. I wasn’t paralyzed or killed, so I felt fortunate. Being hit by a car did, however, damage my sense of security and safety. I am still working my head around all of this.

I have become an exceedingly careful pedestrian. *sigh* I guess that is a good thing. I never got my driver’s license, I never quite liked cars nor traffic, but these days I am even more against them. I just pray to return to some form of stability — both on a professional and personal level as well as emotionally and physically.

I desperately seek and need the feeling of responsibility and accomplishment. I want my life back. But am keeping my true appreciation for why I am still here.

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Reunited…and it feels so good.

Reunited…and it feels so good. Yes! Finally! Yesterday was a great day…a day all about ME. I was funny, charming, silly, impulsive…I felt alive, like I didn’t have a care in the world. And for a few blissful hours, I didn’t. I made my usual Saturday night plans for dinner then movie…and found myself dancing the night away into the wee hours of the morning. I have not felt this free in years. It was fantastic. I was surrounded by good friends – the non-judgmental ones; friends who want nothing tangible from me except friendship. Being the oldest in the night club and not being comfortably dressed, did not deter me from having a great time. I felt at peace, even beautiful. I have realized that it has been way too long since I have completely, and literally, let my hair down.

“To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.” – Thich Nhat Hanh

The most important decision of your life, the one that will effect every other decision you make, is the commitment to love and accept yourself. It directly affects the quality of your relationships, your work, your free time, your faith, and your future.

I go out, and am usually worried about parents, dog, money, having to get up early to do things for others. I am usually so sleep deprived that I tire way too easy.

Yesterday, my Saturday started like most other Saturdays…buying the paper for my Dad, getting pastries, fresh bread for my parents, walking the dog, going into NYC for some volunteer work. I should have known it would be a great day…one of the young cancer patients I counsel, is actually showing such remarkable progress. Hope, faith…praying.

Trains were on time. I was actually only two minutes late for my much needed hair coloring appointment. Such a relaxing time at the salon. Learned one of the young ladies at the salon got engaged, met her new fiance, and her ring was a beauty. Love, hope…wistful.

Although, I was tired…I was determined to have a few hours of just pure enjoyment. Dinner was stress-free, conversations easy and flowing. Movie was sweet, funny. When we found ourselves not wanting the night to end, we decided to find a dance club. Although, most clubs are packed with the 20 something crowd, we were not deterred. We were on a mission to let the music just carry us away. I felt alive again. It was like stripping off several layers of paint from an antique piece of furniture. I found myself restored to my original beauty of life, full of joy. Not caring if I looked old, silly – allowed me to feel alive and I could abandon all those inhibitions. I just felt like the old me. Living in appreciation.

Most days, I tend to reminiscence, and live in the past. Missing the men in my life, lost to me too early. Suffering comes from living in the pain of the past or the fear of the future. That is not living. My fiance, who passed away, would not want me to be alone, wallowing in what ifs. I am determined to continue placing attention on the present moment and be at peace. Lately, I am trying so hard to live in the present.

Focusing on me…on loving myself more. True self-love requires time to relax, play, and create face-to-face interaction with others. Our fast-paced world creates a goal setting, competitive craziness that doesn’t leave room for play. A doctor once said, “The opposite of play isn’t work, it is depression.” Yes, I feel like I have lost too many years as it is. I refuse to live in shadows anymore. Letting go of negative people, judgmental people, lying people, and dramatic people. Trying to stay true to myself. Love myself. Put myself first. No more self-neglect.

The past few weeks, pre-spring cleaning, has also found me cleaning out my closets. I have gained a lot of weight the past couple of years. And although I have to lose some for health reasons, I am embracing my new curves. I never thought the clothes hanging in my closet were symbolic in any way. But they are. Having clothes that no longer fit me, made me feel bad. Made me feel unworthy and just plain fat. No more.

So, there you have it. My new clothes, less clothes in the closet. A few hours of pure fun. A few hours of pure selfishness. My new return to finding ME. My new determination to not forget myself again.

Yes, reunited…and it feels so good….singing…♥


Random hopefulness…mixed with wistfulness….

What a crazy busy few weeks….work, deadlines has me spinning. And dealing with sick parents and dog, affords me very little breathing me time. I don’t sleep probably just to have some me time….to write, to breathe, to hum, etc.

I desperately need a vacation, just two days to myself to regroup, but unfortunately I won’t have that time, nor luxury. Writing helps to clear my head and stop my world from going over that cliff of despair.

I want one hour with my best friend but I haven’t even heard her voice in months – life keeps us missing each other.

Soon….I hope….

You never really know how much the people around you are hurting. You could be standing next to someone who is completely broken inside and you wouldn’t even know it. So never deprive someone of hope; it might be all they have. And remember that there are two ways to spread light in this world: You can either be a flame of hope, or a mirror that reflects it. Be one of the two every chance you get. I am trying…to hold onto this and believe and also trying to spread hope. Even when I can’t text, call, or see my friends, I try to remain hopeful… wistful…♥


A.C.S.D.S.R…Day!

I am reminded of the very wise comments of an old friend, trainer and business mentor who said, ‘always look for the opportunity to find the positive in what people do, then give them genuine praise and watch them glow and grow with the appreciation’.

Wednesday is training day – acronym for today’s work in training people to value and appreciate what they do and help them to glow and grow is – A.C.S.D.S.R = Always Catch Someone Doing Something Right.

When I took my current job, training others was not part of my job description.   But there was a need, a gap – and who knew, I am good at it…but sometimes it’s hard not coming across as a know-it-all.   Or worse, unintentionally ruffling someone’s feathers and making them feel stupid.  So it is a balancing act.

I try to remember that everyone does something right, you just need to look for it, let them know you value and appreciate it, and then it is much easier to address what they may have done wrong and the solution to correct it.   So today I will try to encourage everyone that is being trained or mentored to use A.C.S.D.S.R. constantly in order to enjoy the personal lift you get from doing it.

It is good to be reminded of this wonderful acronym which I know needs to be maintained as part of my daily life and not just used occasionally.  I am sure this rewarding and enjoyable part of my life will again become a positive and ongoing habit.


Living and working…

Ah Mondays always take on different meanings for me.   Today it’s all about will I be able to work during my chemo treatments.  This is where I find strength I didn’t know I had and have to keep adopting my inner Divatude!

I am realizing from chatting to others, many people can work during their chemotherapy treatment.  It depends on the person.  Right now I am having very few noticeable side effects.   Besides being late every once in a while to go in for treatments and being tired, I can work through it.  Other people really need to take a break from the stress of their work life. And I think, in part, the decision is personal one, in addition to a medical one. It is rare for the chemotherapy itself to produce side effects that would make it impossible to keep working.  Sometimes it does — some people have their own reaction, and if so then that needs to be managed — but it isn’t a common thing, and most people can keep working if they want to.  So here I am getting ready to go into work.  

So far, I feel very fortunate to be able to continue working, since it really helps to keep my mind off of my illness and dwelling about my condition.  I still have to tell my boss about my illness but that comes after next week when we can talk face-to-face in Dallas.  But I will keep it a secret from others.  I learned how to actually put some makeup on to hide the dark circles and redness, and will use my clothing to hide the weight changes I am going through.  Right now, the worst looking thing are my nails – they are a mess; breaking off.  They hurt.  I wish I could just wear gloves 24/7 to hide them.  *sigh*

I need to keep reminding myself that all these changes are temporary.   Temporary!

I know all of this sounds shallow but keeping my appearance up is good for my morale.  I would love to hear compliments.  And get some positive attention.  I usually shrink away from that – but am realizing that it will do me some good this time.  It is easy to dwell on how horrible I feel or look when my skin and hair texture is changing, feeling nauseous, and so tired.  So trying to look normal, even having fun with my look really helps.   I am hoping that it also helps people around me who know what I am going through.   If they see me coping and doing ok, maybe they won’t pity me or feel uncomfortable around me.  They will be less afraid of the illness and treatment.   Here’s to hoping…


Friends…

The past two days have been heavenly and I am one lucky girl!  A friend from CA has been back East for a work convention and I get to spend some quality time with them.  Yay!   I grew up and have lived most of my life in New Jersey….sadly, many of my friends and family have moved away.  I have slowly watched great friends disappear for new jobs, to start a family, attend business school, travel the world, etc….Obviously friendships can continue over the phone, through email, FB so the friend is not lost; but a hiking partner, a dining companion, and someone to just sit and laugh with about life on a lazy Saturday is lost.

I have met and continue to meet plenty of acquaintances but have a difficult time crossing the threshold to real friendship.  I have tried  volunteer work, work friends, and boyfriend’s friends but discovered they do not take the place of those really good friends that you tell everything to and always trust for advice on dating, fashion, family, career and well, everything!  One of the trickiest things is finding others out there that are also looking for new, solid friendships and not just collecting acquaintances.

I know that losing so many friends who have died way too young, has made me afraid and hesitant to fully embrace letting strangers in…but I am trying.  For a long time, I thought it would be easier, better not to invest in people – they leave, they die. Scary.  But now I have learned that the alternative is so much worse.   I had this beautiful picture of what my life would be like and now its gone.  It feels like it was stolen from me and for a long time I believed that there was nothing I can do about it.  There are so many emotions inside of me. I want to let people back in – I want to find a hiking friend again.  I want to meet someone, fall in love again with every ounce of my being…

I envision this beautiful life…where tomorrow…I am surrounded by all my lost friends, lovers, family…♥

I wonder if I lock up my friend and throw away the key, how long could I get away with it?!

Just wondering, reminiscing, hoping, smiling…


T needs to toughen up!

Ever feel like a failure at work, at life in general?   *sigh*  This second, this past week and weekend, already spilling into this new week – sadly this is how I feel.  I had to work late each day last week all through the weekend, and I was not able to be as successfully productive and effective as I would have liked.

I am in the midst of yet an equally busy week. But I am so exhausted.  Being sickly, trying to work a full-time job is so much harder than I ever imagined.  But I am hopeful…I will keep trying to rise in life and at work even when I feel like a failure.

In the fall of 2001, when life knocked me down to my knees and I lost everything – I was so lost, I felt like a complete failure. What I learned was that by making a decision to rise above any and all circumstances, backed with the strongest inner vision of true heartfelt purpose, one day at a time, one moment at a time, I continue to be able to transform my entire life.

Overcoming adversity is something I no longer feel like a complete failure at – I just have to somehow apply this to my everyday life.  I am still learning that….no experience is a failure.  I am not a failure simply because I have yet to achieve all that I desire.  Experience is definitely a good teacher – as long  as I am open to change.  I believe that the fateful twists of life amid our tragedies are what bring us our greatest strength and wisdom.  Trying not to judge myself as a failure simply because I have not yet succeeded at so many things.  I believe my time has come…I am deserving to have all of my desires and joys manifested.   With resolve, understanding, faith and decisiveness, I am slowly creating the life I want and desire.  I just need to STOP buying into the false belief that I am “less than” any other person.  Working on not comparing myself to no one; but to gain inspiration from the few who have shared their pain and have overcome their own darkest hours.  I am learning that the only difference between them and me is a stable support system, and an inner resolve, a decision backed with sheer will, vision, determination, and consistency.

“Winners never quit and quitters never win”….It’s an old saying that I’m sure you’ve heard many times before.  But just how much truth is behind those words?  When and how do you know if it’s the right choice to cut and run and throw in the towel?

You are never ever going to follow every single path you begin to it’s end destination.  You change. Your life changes. Your goals constantly change.   Every step that you take, causes you to grow and stretch beyond your current boundaries. Sometimes those changes will almost predetermine your need to give in and throw in that towel in certain areas.

It’s not a failure to give in.  It’s a courageous act, too often unrecognized.

Decisions are tough, and the bigger attachment you have to the outcome the tougher they can be. Be honest in your assessment.  You can play head-games forever and  justify your argument no matter which side of the coin you’re backing.  I need to believe that we all  struggle with throwing in the towel, second guessing ourselves becomes part of our nature.

On my journey….learning to toughen up!!!  ♥


♥ Mondays…who knew?!

I never thought I would be so happy for Monday to come around.  This weekend was rough.  I am tired.  TIRED.  I am tired of unbalanced relationships.  I am hurt.  HURT.

I guess I was brought up to be invisible; taught to be very tuned into others’ feelings and needs, but to never have any of my own.  For years, I have felt that as a person, I didn’t really exist, other than to be there for others.  No more.

In the past, when I had feelings and needs, I would tell myself that they weren’t important; that I was strong and could handle not having my feelings cared about or my needs understood. I convinced myself that if I just cared enough about others, others would eventually care about me.  Well, it never happened…

It’s taken a toll.  The inner stress of never attending to my own feelings and needs and always feeling so invisible to others as a result finally took a toll on my health.  Because of this, I am FINALLY really tending to myself.

Tired of feeling unappreciated, unseen, not valued.  I understand why this has happened…and how much of this is a reflection of how I have treated myself in the past.

Since my own feelings and needs were shut down and invisible to myself, of course they ended up being invisible to others.  I have finally learned that it is not realistic to constantly put myself aside and then expect others to value and respect me.

Anytime you tolerate uncaring or disrespectful behavior in others to avoid conflict, you are training others to see you as invisible, to not care about your feelings and needs.  If you have been allowing yourself to be invisible for a long time, it is a real challenge to start to care about yourself.

So here I am…I am now going through a difficult period of feeling others’ anger and resentment.  I allowed others for years to not have to care about me, and now I am changing the rules.  And I no longer care who doesn’t like it.  I am learning who really cares about me and who has just been using me.

It takes great courage to shift from invisibility to being seen and valued.  It takes great courage to be willing to lose others rather than continue to lose myself.  I am not losing myself ever again.  I hope that others won’t wait so long, until you are ill or feel alone and cast aside by others to start to practice this loving yourself and become visible to yourself.

It starts with ME – with learning to tune into, acknowledge, value, and take loving action for myself regarding my own feelings and needs. It means moving into personal responsibility for my own feelings and needs rather than taking care of everyone else in the hopes they will eventually take care of you.  If you are ever going to feel cared for and loved, it has to start with you caring about and being loving to yourself!

No more friendships or relationships that are one-sided, tired of people who become too busy at the last moment, unable to devote the same amount of time to the relationship.  All relationships take effort, two people willing to make time, etc.  No longer will I be that one person who repeatedly calls, texts or emails to get a response from another.  Tired of people who only think of me, or reach out to me, when they need a favor or something.  Tired of being at the whim of another in terms of plans, frequency of get-togethers, and activities.  Just tired.

So….alone I am….I have stopped spending time with the wrong people.  Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.  If someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you.  You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot.  Never, ever insist yourself to someone who continuously overlooks your worth.  And remember, it’s not the people that stand by your side when you’re at your best, but the ones who stand beside you when you’re at your worst that are your true friends.   ♥


Elusive or sustainable…happiness…WE CAN DECIDE!

“Cherish this moment, for happiness is elusive”…how many of us really believe that happiness is elusive?  I used to believe this…I am slowly realizing that we can learn to sustain our happiness.

Okay – so we can’t beg for it or buy it or even barter for it.  We can however create it and better yet sustain it.  By deciding to be happier, making it a priority – happiness won’t be so elusive.   The old adage, “people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be” is true.  Choose to live a life of happiness.  When you are not ask yourself why and begin to erase the unhappiness.  For me sometimes all it takes is a really good piece of chocolate, a nice pinot noir and some music – can turn my day around.

Learn to be present in the here and now.  Placing emphasis and attention on the past and the future makes it impossible for us to fully experience this moment right now. One way to remind yourself to be present is to take a deep breath any time you notice you are worrying about the future or experiencing regret about the past. Yesterday is your history, the future is a mystery.  The here and now, this moment is life’s true present to ourselves.

Take responsibility for your thoughts and feelings.  Learn to communicate honestly about what you want, expect.    Do not wait for people to make you sweet offers; do not fall into the trap of assuming people should know what you want.   Learn to be less judgmental of ourselves and others.
I am finally learning that I deserve to live the life I want to live.  But in doing so, I also have to allow other people the ability to live the life they choose without judgment and criticism. We can only control our life, putting our attention on how other people ought to live their lives will cause us nothing but disappointment and frustration.

I have stopped worrying what other people think of me.  My opinion of my life is the only one that matters.  I will never make everyone happy – so I choose me.  One way to stop judging others is to stop thinking about what other people think of you. Trying to live up to other people’s expectations is hard, never ending work. This is your life. You are the only one who has to approve of how you live it.

Happiness is less elusive than you might think. It is also contagious. One way to be happy is to be with happy people.  Smile more.  Seriously do the things that make you happy – worth repeating:  chocolate, wine…lol

“If you let go a little, you will have a little happiness. If you let go a lot, you will have a lot of happiness. And if you let go completely, you will be completely happy.” ~Ajahn Chah

I won’t lie – it has taken me many tears and years to find happiness that is not so fleeting.  I used to experience some very high and low moments.  So many moments of complete happiness, bliss, peace, and then it used to just dissipate without notice.  Boom!  Like when on vacation, then coming back home!   I started to spend more time by myself, writing, and exploring what was really going on with me – deep inside.  Mainly asking myself:  Is it because I can’t focus that I experience a deflation in my mood? Do I become bored too easily? Or maybe I have lack of patience that often leads to dissatisfaction?

Several pages later, I arrived at: I can focus; but I am impatient, so I involve myself in multiple projects and events to even out the pace.  When one project or event ends, I fully dive into the next to prevent boredom.  During this gap of engagement, my mood shifts.

I used to work only part-time, many temporary consulting positions just for these reasons.  I found comfort in moving around, connecting, accomplishing, engaging, clinging.

After many days, months of soul searching, I learned that I cling.  I realized that many of my mood dips, the occasional creeping feelings of dissatisfaction resulted from my clinging – clinging to past accomplishments, the next stimulating thing, the next anything in the future.   I would bet that many of us, at some point in our daily lives, find ourselves clinging:

  • We cling to old habits.
  • We cling to daily comforts.
  • We cling to pleasing others.
  • We cling to the next vacation.
  • We cling to a stubborn attitude.
  • We cling to the love in a relationship.
  • We cling to a perfection of how we should be.
  • We cling to the security of a paycheck.
  • We cling to memories of the past.
  • We cling to the someday: the someday of when we reach retirement, or when we win the lottery, or when we get that awesome job, or when something uncomfortable in our life passes.

We CLING.

Often our clinging is to satisfy our ego—an attachment to prove to ourselves and the world that we are good enough.  To prove that we are worthy.  To prove that we are somebody special.  We each want to be heard, loved, and appreciated. So we attach ourselves to the needs of those feelings and, in turn, we seek out fulfillment by clinging to external outcomes.   I know in the past, I found myself clinging to the comfort of an unhealthy relationship because of some false belief that I did not deserve better.   I have seen many people cling to over-committing at the office because they don’t fully enjoy their life outside their careers.  Many cling to other people’s opinion or approval because we have not tuned into what we truly want.   Most common, I believe is how we tend to cling to old habits because of the fear of the unknown and change.

Each day we have the decision to choose the constant of peace or the erratic peaks and valleys of satisfaction and dissatisfaction.

Once I recognized that I was clinging, I began to reflect on memories of when I experienced true happiness.  I found, in each these moments, there was neither attachment nor expectation.  I was, simply, fully submerged in the present – completely surrendered to the moment, the present.  Clinging disconnects us from being here. When our mind clings to replaying the stories of the past or worrying about the future, we wander, and wander further away from the present, further away from happiness.

Clinging detaches us from our ability to live freely. It removes us from the flow of creativity and flexibility. When we box ourselves in with expectations of a plan, we distract ourselves from seeing a grander picture. When we cling to expectations of people, desires, and situations, we become shortsighted.

I plan on sustaining my happiness by accepting that happiness is an ongoing practice.  It is a conscious choice.  I’m learning to spend more time here in the moment, while reminding myself that happiness is a choice: I can choose to cling less to the past.  I can choose to wander less to the future. I can choose to marvel more in the present.

Be happy…live wisely.  ♥


“Everyone comes in and out of your life at certain times for a reason.”

Wow – I feel like I have not written a word in months…been busy quitting a job, looking for full time work, trying to pay bills, stay above water, fighting back depression, trying to stay positive, reconnecting with an old friend, trying to maintain my new friendships, trying to get in shape for summer….*sigh* …its no wonder I am exhausted.

I found a new job.  Its Friday, so I survived the full week.  Made actual dinner plans for Saturday night.  Joined a gym.  *yikes*  A lot of change for me in a short period of time.  Learning to relax and just go with it….so far so good.  Two of my favorite things about growing older are the lessons that you learn and passing that advice onto others, if lucky.  As I was sitting on the train this morning, relaxing and not really thinking about anything in particular.  All of a sudden, the phrase crossed my mind, “Everyone comes in and out of your life at certain times for a reason.”

A beautiful young lady, who I spoken to a couple of times on the phone, and just met in person late last week, wrote the most wonderful thing to me that has stayed with me for the entire week, and I need to share:

Hi Tere,

It was really so great speaking to you earlier. I have to say, my favorite part of this job, is occasionally I speak to someone who really touches my heart.

Even though we have not met yet, I find such similarities in our stories. Even though we might be a few years apart in age. It really sounds like you have come through a lot and are excited about a new future! …. I know you are going to love the club. Anything I can do to help you enjoy this experience more, I would love to help.

Words, simple at best, just stirred something real deep within me.  A wonderful man who I had the good fortune to work with at my last consulting gig for a few months, provided me with such a fantastic reference that I know its partly due to him, I landed my new job so quickly.  He helped me re-write my resume, always had words of wisdom, encouragement.  I am blessed to have met him.  He sent me a note(s) that stated:

CONGRATULATIONS!…how fast you landed is indicative of your value, competency, capability and presentability.  The market has spoken and rewarded you!  I always say “Cream rises to the top”…I want to share my good fortune at work and for meeting such a spark of life and wonderful person as yourself…The new place will quickly appreciate your skills, common sense touch and work ethic.

I wonder if my friend, former colleague, knows the profound difference he has made in my life?  I am starting over.  And in doing so have learned that sometimes its all the little things that amount to something great.  And being grateful, surrounding ourselves with positive people, gets us through the next hurdle.

“Everyone comes in and out of your life at a certain time for a reason”

This phrase  can be applied to friends, family members, co-workers, partners, neighbors, grocery store cashiers, complete strangers, etc. Every single person you meet or have a relationship with is placed in your life for a greater purpose. The lessons that you learn from that person are meant to help your soul grow and develop.  Think about some of the influential people that you have known in your life.  Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there, to serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson, or to help you figure out who you are or who you want to become.  And sometimes things happen to you that may seem horrible, painful, and unfair at first, but in reflection you find that without overcoming those obstacles you would have never realized your potential, strength, willpower, or heart.

*Everything happens for a reason.*

Nothing happens by chance or by means of good luck.

Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness, and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul.  Without these small tests, whatever they may be, life would be like a smoothly paved, straight, flat road to nowhere. It would be safe and comfortable, but dull and utterly pointless.

The people you meet who affect your life, and the success and downfalls you experience, help to create who you are and who you become. Even the bad experiences can be learned from.  In fact, they are probably the most poignant and important ones.

Sometimes I wonder why a particular person is in my life. Sometimes I can pinpoint what I think the reason is, but I also believe that there is an even grander reason that I cannot see at this time in my life. I like to think that the Universe and God have a larger plan than any of us humans can imagine. Have you ever wanted something so badly only to not have your wish come true? Then, something even better than what you had wished for somehow ended up happening. That is how I view life. I can’t understand how or why things happen, but I have faith and hope that everything happens for a greater reason. That’s part of the reason why I believe that people come in and out of our life for a reason…and why some are just meant to stay forever, even if just in our hearts.   This is my life…♥


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