Category Archives: Sunday

Sunday’s Song…

So every weekend, when I finally have an hour or two to myself…I figure I have to do some apt cleaning, so I blast a few songs….today’s shining song moment for me is this song by Ryan Star, “Last Train Home”…He is a shining star indeed…and East Coast local boy. ♥

“Last Train Home”

You haven’t changed
Stand in the light
I need to see you
Uncover my eyes

The tears coming down
Making lines on your face
One for each year now
That you’ve been away

We were only kids we ran like water
Your dad said “stay away from my daughter.”
The son was coming down when I said
“can’t you just believe?”

And if you wait for me, I’ll be the light in the dark if you lose your way
And if you wait for me, I’ll be your voice when you don’t know what to say.
I’ll be your shelter I’ll be your fate, I’ll be forever, wait for me.
I’ll be the last train, I’ll be the last train home

We were a storm
It blew us away
I wouldn’t leave you
But you couldn’t stay

We were only kids we ran like water
Your dad said stay away from my daughter
The sun was coming down when I said
“Can’t you just believe?”

And if you wait for me…

We were only kids we ran like water
I told your dad “I love your daughter”
The sun was coming down when I said
Hallie, just believe

And if you wait for me…

Hold on to love and wait for me
I’ll be the last train, I’ll be your last train home


Lazy Sunday…

Lazy Sunday…dreaming of little blue Tiffany boxes and yellow diamonds…

In my dreams, you are my life. In my life, you are my dream…♥

Lazy Sunday…finished watching, James Patterson’s ‘Sundays at Tiffany’s” … loved it.

I wish I had an imaginary friend / guardian angel turned lover…

Wait for the person who pursues you, the one who will make an ordinary moment seem magical, the kind of person who brings out the best in you and makes you want to be a better person. Wait for the person who will be your best friend, the only person who will drop everything to be with you at any time no matter what the circumstances.

The best love is the one that makes you a better person, without changing you into someone other than yourself.

In life, God doesn’t give us the people we want. Instead he gives us the people we need.
To teach us, to love us and to make us exactly the way we should be. When we are young, we have limited experience of life and so less knowledge of the type of people in the world. Sometimes, we meet the flashy person, and get impressed too soon, have a romantic idea of life and have unrealistic dreams too.

When we do not get the ideal people of our dreams in our life, we get disheartened, even disillusioned. But, if we are lucky, as time goes by and we learn to live with them, we realize that life is a lot more than mere dreaming.

It is these real life people in our lives, who teach us how to really live our life. We can learn how to love in life, and feel contentment. They can help us understand life and teach us how to live it to fullest. God does all this with a purpose, to brighten our life.

“Everyone is born creative; everyone is given a box of crayons in kindergarten. Then when you hit puberty they take te crayons away and replace them with dry, uninspiring books on algebra, history, etc. Being suddenly hit years later with the ‘creative bug’ is just a wee voice telling you, ‘I’d like my crayons back, please.” ― Hugh MacLeod

“After a while the middle-aged person who lives in her head begins to talk to her soul, the kid.” ― Anne Lamott, Joe Jones

Like in the movie I watched today – let’s hope we never lose our inner child.

“and I think that everything in life is kind of unreal, isn’t it?” ― James Patterson, Sundays at Tiffany’s

“It was like meeting someone out of your dreams, or fantasies, or a beloved character from a favorite book.” ― James Patterson, Sundays at Tiffany’s

Laugh so hard that even sorrow smiles at you.
Fight so strong that even fate accepts defeat.
Love so true that even hatred walks out of the way.
And live life so well that even death loves to see you exist and live.


Good day…

I knew good things were going to happen this weekend…:-)  Sunshine Sunday!

The weather has been absolutely gorgeous.  Re-connecting with one of my sisters and getting to spend quality time with my niece has been the saving grace, I have been looking for.   See wishes do come true.  I even went to see two, yes not one, but two movies at the theater yesterday.  I haven’t really been to the movies in months.  Forgot how much I miss it.

And walking out of my support group this morning, I was just feeling so optimistic.  Life really can be good…

I love that feeling. You know, the one you get when you take a deep breath and suddenly everything feels like it’s going to be okay. Just when you are hopeless as can be, and life is going nowhere, there’s those moments we have every now and then where we just stop and we get this feeling, that can’t be described, but you just know… you just feel like everything really is going to be okay. Like the world stopped spinning for a second, and everything was clear.  I had a few of these moments this weekend.  I need more of those moments.

There’s that one moment, the moment when you’ve figured out how much you’ve really let go, and how much you’ve grown. It’s that moment when you can’t look back, yet you can’t seem to look too far into the future. It’s that moment when you realize you’re living for yourself and no one else…yay!

I think I am lucky despite all the hurt and heartache I have experienced and still keep having to battle so many things.  I am lucky because I have learned so much.  Some people go through hardships and just get bitter and can’t move forward.  I have changed, and realized maybe things do happen for a reason. Maybe they don’t. But no matter what, they still happen. That’s what we need to remember. I learned to stop analyzing things so much, to just let them happen. And if I get hurt, or if something bad happens, there’s nothing I can do to change that. I’ve learned to go with my gut, and that it’s okay to make mistakes because the ones that matter won’t care. I’ve learned that love really is as great as they say it is. I’ve learned that your friends can save you from your worst enemy: yourself. And most importantly, I’ve learned that today is all we have.

When I look in the mirror, I see a lady who’s been through so much and yet still finds a way to smile at the past. She still loves with all her heart, or what’s left of it, and when you see her walk down the street I can guarantee you she’ll have her head up high, faking a smile just one last time at all those who try to break her but never will…yes that is who I see in the mirror….most days…today is one of those days!

I’m the kind of woman who is quiet in large groups or around people I don’t know; you only see the real me if we’re close. I smile and laugh a lot, especially at the most inappropriate times. I’m a hopeless romantic. I trip over air, up stairs, and over people’s feet – which explains my three broken toes and sprained ankle.  I am the hardest person to offend, but it is all too easy to make me feel horrible.  Too sensitive most times.  I hate telling people about my problems; they don’t need to worry about me.   I don’t want their pity. I’m the one who listens to other people’s problems. I believe people should not be judged before one takes the time to get to know them…and not even then.   I love to think rather than talk. I’m awkward, clumsy, shy, quirky… but this is me. Take it or leave it.

As you get older, you stop being scared of the dark. You realize the dark is just the dark…and night lights work just fine.  😉  But you also become scared of other things, people themselves. You learn that not everyone wants to see you succeed nor happy. You become aware of people’s underlying intentions and selfish actions.  And the monsters you used to check for under your bed at night, don’t even compare to some of the things people do.  This makes me sad.

People, me included these days, are always talking about how hard it is to find a good man, but nowadays it’s hard to even find a good person. It’s so hard to just find a person to talk to, someone who will just listen and not judge, someone who will just take you as you are.  This is why I joined my support group.  There’s a story behind everything.  How a picture got on a wall, how a scar got on your face. Sometimes the stories are simple, and sometimes they are hard and heartbreaking.  So I listen, I learn, I appreciate, and I hope…

Sometimes you just need someone. Someone to make you smile when you’re sad, to tell you that you’re beautiful. Someone to look forward to seeing you everyday. Someone to call you every night just to say I love you and mean it.  Yes, I know that my someone is just around the corner…

I have been ‘accused’ of living in a fantasy and looking for something that doesn’t exist.  But I disagree.  I have had the fairy tale once before so I know it’s out there again – as I long as I stop settling for the wrong people.  I think we’re all just looking for someone who makes every love song, romantic comedy and fairy tale seem relatable. We’re not really looking for a prince or a princess, or exactly for the person who chases us down to the airport before we leave for somewhere and confess their love to us and say we can’t leave. We’re not looking for someone who makes every song on the radio seem like it was written for them, we’re just looking for someone who when we watch these movies, hear these songs, read these fairy tales, we can sit back and say, “I know the feeling.”  Yes!

Breathe….exhale…smile…hope…♥


Shit happens…gotta have faith…

Someone asked me yesterday, if I believe in God; if I was religious, and if I regularly go to Church.  I paused.  Many eons ago, I would not have paused, nor questioned my faith.   But so many things have happened…so many “Why me?” moments.  There have been so many “How can God let this happen to good people” moments.

I admit that I have always struggled with faith, the pre-boxed, Christian variety anyway. I knew when I was young I wanted something to believe in – that there was a reason why we go through the world struggling and in emotional pain.  But so many bad things made me feel empty and devoid of purpose.

Eventually I came to realize that life just happens. No, there probably isn’t any reason for any of the bad stuff.

Shit. Just. Happens.

To me now, faith means that things could get better. Just as shit happens, good things happen too and faith is really just hope.

I have had plenty dark moments in my life when I’ve given up hope; when I’ve seen no light at the end of the tunnel and could only see endless darkness.  There are times I wondered to myself, “Why bother? Why take up valuable oxygen when it’s all for nothing anyway?”.  But hope keeps me going because, as much as it might not seem it, I am very optimistic.   Still see that glass half full!  There is a huge part of me that understands things happen for a reason and while I have realized it’s more often than not just to teach us a lesson, hope is something worth having faith in.

The last 10 years have been hellish but I somehow kept my head and always believed and I always hoped for better. Because things will get better. They have to.   And here I am – proof of that!

I don’t believe there is any reason for our existence except the laws of nature, and our own will to live. To me that is enough. Why should I live on? Because I want to, and this little precious life is the only one I’m going to have, so I better make the most of the time I got here. I don’t see why people would need any more reason to be alive and live their lives than that. Of course then there’s all the ideological stuff like making a better world and helping other people live enjoyable lives, which is all great of course.

Shit happens. To me that is comfort: it can happen to anyone, there are no favorites for any supreme being who deals out joy and sorrow, my illnesses for example are not a punishment for something I maybe did. Things just happen, and people can in some part affect on how things play out. I also find great comfort from the fact that “We’re all fucked” (George Carlin), as it tells me that we’re on the same boat here, all of us, together. We don’t have a meaning in the great cosmos, but we do have meaning to ourselves. It also puts things in perspective.

“We always attract into our lives whatever we think about the most, believe in most strongly, expect on the deepest levels, and/or imagine most vividly.” So think only good things, close your eyes and imagine all good things, make them happen…I am…♥


Sundays…

Ah Sundays…”A Sunday well spent brings a week of content”…I sure hope so.  I spent most of my Sunday morning getting pampered…getting my hair done so I don’t have to fuss too much during the week, getting a pedi and mani.   Did some grocery shopping after Mass and actually shared and paid for a cab with this adorably sweet old lady – she was wilting away in this heat and her cell had died.   I know what that is like – so I did my good deed.

Many of you who follow my blog know that for the past few months, I have been attempting to start dating.  I know I want to find love, deserve to find love, but most times it becomes a chore and I get bored too easily.  So today yet again, I go online and read some dating profiles, and it just fills me with dread.  Sad to know that there are so many single, lonely people out there all searching for something or someone to help make them happier, more whole and less broken.

I learned a long time ago, that I don’t need a man.  But it would be nice to find someone I can share things with.   I know that I deserve to be with someone who appreciates me, and who gets how funny, sweet, amazing, adorable and sexy I really am, you know?  Someone who wakes up every morning thinking, “oh my God, I’m with her.”  Yes ME!

I want a life that sizzles and pops and makes me laugh out loud.  And I don’t want to get to the end, or to tomorrow, even, and realize that my life is a collection of meetings and pop cans and errands and receipts and dirty dishes and piled up laundry.  I want to eat cold pizza and sing out loud in the car with the windows down and wear pink shoes and stay up all night laughing and painting my nails the exact color of the sky at that moment. I want to sleep hard on clean white sheets and throw parties and eat cereal at night and read books so good they make me jump up and down, and I want my everyday to make God belly laugh, glad that he gave life to someone who loves the gift.

Today, now that all my errands are almost complete, I will catch some of the soccer game…Vaya España!  And listen to the stillness around me and appreciate my life.  “There comes a time when the world gets quiet and the only thing left is your own heart. So you’d better learn the sound of it.  Otherwise you’ll never understand what it’s saying,” ―  Sarah Dessen, Just Listen 

“There is never a time or place for true love. It happens accidentally, in a heartbeat, in a single flashing, throbbing moment.” ―  Sarah Dessen, The Truth About Forever

So I sit in silence, savoring, waiting for that defining moment…holding out since I deserve to be loved once again until my insides melt…and with this heat wave that is possible.  🙂  ♥  mmm


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