Category Archives: Soul

I Stand Naked

Real soulmates know without having to ask the easy questions … The one who deserves your naked body is the one who knows your story.

* I do not own these two poems, but it was too beautiful not to share.*

You think you’ve seen her naked because she took her clothes off?
Tell me about her dreams.
Tell me what breaks her heart.
What is she passionate about, and what makes her cry?
Tell me about her childhood.
Better yet, tell me one story about her that you’re not in.

You’ve seen her skin, and you’ve touched her body.
But you still know as much about her as a book you once found,
but never got around to opening.

i felt you not

by fingertips
or even against my lips.
i felt you in my breath
and in my bones.
And how you turned my skin
from a body to a home.

i found you
not by compass
and not by map.
i found you from the light
that made it through the cracks.

Grace, Dominic Matthew Jackson

I am still waiting on this person. I thought I found him – once, twice … many eons ago, in shadows, in rare moments, in my memories. But he only tore my pages apart to the ones where he and only he was the star in them.   You could touch a woman’s body but still have her soul remain untouched. I am not for shallow waters – you want me, you better get to know me in the depth of my soul.

I want, I wait for that one special person who will open my book … who will devour the light that reaches his eyes and who can savor every single word that he reads, sees, understands, and still after turning the last page, wants to know more, to seek  out more, to understand the words that I do not yet know how to write or share.  I want him to read until our lives entwined becomes the book. I want to love with all of my soul …

Waiting …  standing here naked …

Advertisements

Come To Me …

 

Anyone who follows my blog, knows I love the Hallmark channel,  and I get lost in words and music.  I believe there is a movie, a song, a book to ignite our very soul, for every feeling we have.  I heard this song very faintly in the movie “Hello, It’s Me” on Hallmark today.

This song spoke to me today, exactly when I needed it.  As it resonated with me, there’s no doubt that this song will resonate with others, as well. We all must remain hopeful and keep faith that things will change, we have to believe.  I believe God will carry me and allow me to keep moving forward.  God can change a life, like mine, from empty and broken, to a more complete purposeful and fulfilling life. He doesn’t promise a life free from problems or disappointments but that in the middle of it all, He will carry us through…. for me, with grace in my step, hope in my heart.

 

 

Come to me
All you broken and heavy hearted.
Come to me
All you worried and weary souls.
Come to me
All you overworked and underpaid.
And I will give
I will give
I will give you rest
Come to me
All you widows and outcasts
Come to me
All you betrayed and fatherless
And I will give
I will give
I will give you rest
My oak is easy
And I’m making my
You will find rest
For your soul
My oak is easy
And I’m making my
You will find rest for your soul
And I will give
I will give
I will give you rest …


In My Veins

Watching episodes of Sons of Anarchy and all I can say about Jax and Tara’s relationship is WOW.

“We don’t know who we are until we’re connected to someone else. We’re just better human beings when we’re with the person we’re supposed to be with. I wasn’t supposed to leave. I belong here.”
―Tara to Jax

Nothing goes as planned
Everything will break
People say goodbye
In their own special way
All that you rely on
And all that you can fake
Will leave you in the morning
But find you in the day

Oh, you’re in my veins
And I cannot get you out
Oh, you’re all I taste
At night inside of my mouth
Oh, you run away
‘Cause I am not what you found
Oh, you’re in my veins
And I cannot get you out

Everything will change
Nothing stays the same
Nobody here’s perfect
Oh, but everyone’s to blame
Oh, all that you rely on
And all that you can save
Will leave you in the morning
And find you in the day

Oh, you’re in my veins
And I cannot get you out
Oh, you’re all I taste
At night inside of my mouth
Oh, you run away
‘Cause I am not what you found
Oh, you’re in my veins
And I cannot get you out

(No, I cannot get you out)
(No, I cannot get you)
(Oh no, I cannot get you out)
(No, I cannot get you)

Everything is dark
It’s more than you can take
But you catch a glimpse of sun light
Shining, shining down on your face
Your face
Oh your face

Oh, you’re in my veins
And I cannot get you out
Oh, you’re all I taste
At night inside of my mouth
Oh, you run away
‘Cause I am not what you found
Oh, you’re in my veins
And I cannot get you out
(No)

No, I cannot get you out
(Oh, you’re in my veins)
No, I cannot get you out
Oh no, I cannot get you


Do I dare pray for another chance at life?

I find myself at an all-time low. Snow falls all around me outside, tears inside me. Last week I reached a small positive milestone, I was able to walk, in the ice and snow, and managed to keep my anxiety low, not falling, slipping nor breaking any bones since marking my one year anniversary of getting hit by a car. But this past weekend, brought me much heartache…a man I was dating verbally and physically assaulted me. I am mad at myself for allowing myself to be treated poorly and tolerating these selfish, insecure people in my life.

I am sure we have all heard the saying, “Never let someone be your priority, while you remain their option” – but how many actually follow this sage advice?! I know I have not…but I am working on it…

It’s no secret I have a weakness — I see people better than they really are or better than they see themselves. My expectations and trust of people always gets the best of me because I place them high on top of the totem pole instead of leaving room for their faults and issues so, when they do something that goes against what I think of them; I always, always end up being disappointed and in tears. When getting involved in a romantic relationship this kind of thinking has always lead to my own personal heartbreak because I chose to make a man my priority when he only considers me his option.

No more. And just when I thought things could not possibly get any worse…I find myself lost…yet again. I got worse news from my doctor…heard those dreaded words, “you need a biopsy”. Seriously! I am trying to process…words replaying in my head….dense breast tissue, spot compression, need for additional projections, sonogram, ultrasound exam, aggressive cells…biopsy…I don’t know how I will survive the wait in between more tests.

I had my mammogram in December then I was told because it showed dense breast cancer tissue, which I was assured then, was common – I had to have more tests done. So, after getting the insurance company to agree to move forward, I endured more tests – different breast imaging tests. And today was more tests results day. Yes, another dark day!

The past couple of months, I have been accused of being negative. I just rationalized that I was a realist. I always believed I was a glass half full, turn lemons into lemonade kind of gal. Ha! Fast realizing that I am not so much an optimist as I am a pessimist with the largest worry gene. When the sun is shining bright, I carry an umbrella, anticipating rain; when the phone rings after 10pm, I envision twisted metal, heart attacks, start to mentally plan a funeral. Truth be told, I have never been the overly effusive, perky, upbeat cheerleader type. But I still thought I was a positive person, adapting well to change. Not afraid to be impulsive and take risks. I am admittedly not the type to in denial of every dark emotion I have had. I have had my inner demons of sadness make me doubt God at times, especially when I was younger. But I believe in God, and I place my faith in Him, and I pray, hope, and believe that things happen for a reason. Sometimes God wants us to trust Him through hell so that He can give us strength to see better days. And I am beginning to think I am like a cat with nine lives and then some…

Right now I am just channeling darkness….what can I say – I have dark hair, dark eyes…I am dark. So, I guess being an intellectual and a cynic, I have trouble admitting this but I have to believe this latest bad news will somehow turn out well.

I do volunteer work at Memorial Sloan-Kettering so I tend to keep up with research. I know all too well the statistics. I have just, once again, joined the growing ranks of cancer survivors who are confronting second, new malignancies—not a recurrence or spread of their original disease. Sometimes, the new cancer is an aftereffect of powerful radiation or chemotherapy treatments. Other times, genetic or familial risks play a role. And sometimes, lifestyle—diet or exposure to toxins—is to blame. The numbers are surging: An astonishing one in six people with a new cancer diagnosis had previously been diagnosed with a different cancer. Yup! That would be me. I always knew the risks, early on. We all need to know that many chemotherapy drugs are themselves cancer-causing agents. The chemo that’s eliminating a first cancer may cause another later; while targeting the DNA of cancer cells, the drugs also affect normal cells. I am proof of that.

Years after my leukemia fight, I was cautioned that I would most likely have complications from experimental treatments. And the past few years, I have had many tumors removed. For many cancer patients, radiation treatment controls tumor growth, decreases recurrences, and improves survival. Like chemotherapy, though, radiation itself is a cancer risk. As patients live longer after treatment, the possibility of a radiation-induced tumor rises. So, I tend to live my life with eyes wide open – even so, I am thrown for a loop. I knew, on an intellectual level, I am a high risk, and considering my health history, today should not have come as such a surprise. But it has. I cannot emphasize to other cancer survivors and patients how important it is to be brave, face facts and act fast…I know I will.

Considering I am such a worry wart, you would think I would be more prepared to handle today’s news. Learning that worrying does NOT prepare you for disaster. Learning that nothing prepares you. The worst has found me again, and you know what? I will have to deal with it … keeping hope in my soul…grace in my step…love in my heart. ♥

So the last couple of weeks, especially the past ninety-six hours, I am trying to remain hopeful, thinking about how different things can happen, be quite insightful, humbling and puts things into perspective.

Sending out a special request to all who read this, pray…for me, for you…for all.

“Life is short. Kiss slowly, laugh insanely, love truly and forgive quickly” ― Paulo Coelho


Voices…

Ever hear a voice and know it was meant to whisper to you, stir your soul? I spoke to someone yesterday and knew from a simple, “hello”…that something wonderful will come of this exchange. Time will tell.

In my awake dreams…we meet, we part, you walk away from me, your back to me…so much felt, so much unsaid…maybe we can live in this silence. I won’t deny my feelings…resistance is not an option. I am a willing victim, wanting to surrender to you…always leaving me wanting more. Of you, us. Fueled by our time apart. Words unspoken. It is within the very stillness of my solitude, that I can hear my soul whispering…I sit here at home alone in my thoughts where your very essence lingers…fractions at a time.

I lost my heart a long time ago…and the pieces of its broken core have yet to mend. Maybe your first true love is the one that sticks with you because it’s the only person who will receive all of you. After that, you learn more, but most of all, no matter what, a piece of you forever remains left behind in the heart of the one you first loved – a piece no future lover could ever get, no matter what. That piece holds innocence, the belief that love really can last forever; it held true friendship and real pain; trial and error; that one kiss you’ll never forget and that night under the stars you can never get back; it holds youth and everything you thought love would be, everything that was proven wrong….but life moves forward. Hearts harden and minds get weary.

I say no more…I long for the whispers in my ear. The tingle of fingers touching. Longing…voices of the future competing with voices of the past…


Acrostic…anyone?

Learned a new form of poetry writing…Acrostic: An acrostic poem is one that uses a word written vertically and each letter of the word then acts as the beginning letter for a new line of the poem. Whatever is written using each letter must connect to the subject matter.

Harder than I thought it would be…practicing and determined….

How you flow into my thoughts, for no reason, at times
Uninvited, yet, most welcome where warm smiles begin
Good days or bad, near or far, we’ll share
Sweet moments of embrace whenever our souls stir…♥


%d bloggers like this: