Category Archives: Mood

Mental Health

Today is National Depression Screening Day, ‪Bipolar Awareness Day, and ‪‎World Mental Health Day. I have lived all my life with family members who are manic, depressed, alcoholic dependent, and have extreme personality mood swings, and are most times than not in complete denial. I myself suffer from depression and all too aware. I know sometimes when I look back, I am completely lost. We all need to work together to work on increasing our awareness, acceptance and be more patient. Help eliminate the stigma.

This quote by Spike Milligan resonates with me: ‘It’s a gift and a curse. You get the pain much worse than anybody else, but you see a sunrise much more beautiful than anybody else!’

This is how I feel so many times…You start to wonder if maybe something has come over her and she’s finally coming around. Maybe this is the start of something better, more peace, less tension. You even get a little upset wondering, “Well why can’t she just be like this?” And that’s the part that keeps you sucked in, thinking she can someday rehabilitate her attitude and behaviors toward you after all this time. My expectations were always off track. I felt that I just held onto just hope. But I learned that sometimes it’s that very hope – false hope – that keeps us inappropriately connected. You want what you can’t have – a mom who’s proud of you, a grandma who doesn’t pit people against each other, a sister you can trust. When you can accept the face value of your painful situation instead of the fantasy, it gets easier to live with.

Now that doesn’t mean you alienate yourself from the very people you love but drag you so deep down. Sometimes we just have to be inwardly and outwardly strong, brave, patient. Breathe. Count to ten. Limit the contact. Call once in a while, be around for two hours at Christmas, or have dinner once a month. You may need to set some strong boundaries when they start to treat you poorly. That might mean getting up and leaving their house, hanging up the phone, carefully choose what gatherings you attend, etc. And truthfully, it means setting your expectations pretty low. Casual activity that doesn’t get emotional is ideal, unless they are so destructive you should cut them off completely. Lucky for me I have not had to cut any family member out completely.

Sometimes you can stay around and take it, hoping they would get into a better mood; other times you just have to leave and wait. Pray. Hope. There is always hope. If you don’t like something change it; if you can’t change it, change the way you think about it….truer words have not been shared.

“Every day may not be good…but there’s something good in every day”
-Alice Morse Earle

I choose to live my life with awareness, hope, faith, patience, and grace in my step.

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It’s all “About Time” …

I absolutely love everything about the movie, “About Time”. I love the actors, the characters, the story line…everything! I wish we all go back and have a re-do, a do-over, a repeat…a groundhog moment. But since we can’t let’s just challenge ourselves to just breathe, smile and appreciate more. Repeat as necessary.

Some of my favorite quotes:

“We’re all traveling through time together, every day of our lives. All we can do is do our best to relish this remarkable ride.”

“And so he told me his secret formula for happiness. Part one of the two part plan was that I should just get on with ordinary life, living it day by day, like anyone else.”

“But then came part two of Dad’s plan. He told me to live every day again almost exactly the same. The first time with all the tensions and worries that stop us noticing how sweet the world can be, but the second time noticing. Okay, Dad. Let’s give it a go.”

“And in the end I think I’ve learned the final lesson from my travels in time; and I’ve even gone one step further than my father did: The truth is I now don’t travel back at all, not even for the day, I just try to live every day as if I’ve deliberately come back to this one day, to enjoy it, as if it was the full final day of my extraordinary, ordinary life.”


The Last….action….

Just finished watching the movie, “The Last Kiss”, with Zach Braff.

In the movie, Zach’s character, afraid and immature, makes a mistake and then apologizes to his girlfriend and to her dad. He says he’s sorry, and reassures them that he loves her. The dad looks him in the eye and says the best line of the movie that truly hits home:

“Stop talking about love. Every asshole in the world says he loves somebody. It means nothing. It still doesn’t mean anything. What you feel only matters to you. It’s what you do to the people you say you love, that’s what matters. It’s the only thing that counts.”

Actions!! Actions will always speak louder than words.

There is so much truth behind the line “What you feel only matters to you.” Think about it. What really counts is how we behave in the world, and sadly sometimes our actions do not measure up to our words. They can be out of sync. Our feelings or beliefs don’t make us better people, they don’t truly define who we are. Our actions and behavior do! I wish we could stop caring so much about what others believe; I wish we could stop trying to follow others in their beliefs; I wish more people who could just focus more on how to act accordingly in the every day moments. And understand that every action has a reaction.

Great music soundtrack. I love the group Coldplay and this song just resonates with me today….

When The Truth Is, I Miss You
Yeah The Truth Is, That I Miss You So
And I’m Tired I Should Not Have Let You Go ♥


If I Don’t Tell You Now …

One of my favorite lines from my early movie today:

Look, that night was as much a surprise to me as it was to you. But being with you was like going to a place that I had never been before. And after you fell asleep I just laid there, staring up at those cheap fluorescent stars you have stuck on your ceiling, and – after a while they just started forming a pattern, this weird glow-in-the-dark pattern that linked together our entire relationship. And for the first time everything seemed clear to me – like one logical progression. It felt like you and I were the greatest plan ever made and I had nothing to do with it. Being with you made me feel that maybe I didn’t have to keep planning anymore because it felt like I was actually living. And that for once in my life I wouldn’t have to work so hard at being happy. That it could just happen. Nothing will ever hurt me as much as your reaction to that same experience.

Love this song:

Ooh ooh oh yeah
I kept it inside for the longest time and I can’t keep keeping it
All this love that’s inside of my heart
Maybe it’s safer not to say that I care
Maybe this road won’t lead me anywhere
But if I don’t tell you now (if I don’t tell you now)
I may never get the chance again (I may never get the chance again)
To tell you that I need you, tell you what I’m feeling
If I keep these feelings in
And if I don’t say the words (if I don’t say the words)
How will you hear what’s inside my heart
How will you know then
If I don’t tell you now

Ohhh
I’d do anything to be in your dreams and I can’t stand standing by
With this dream that’s inside my heart(heart)
Maybe I’m only gonna make a mistake
And there’s a chance maybe my heart will break

But if I don’t tell you now (if I don’t tell you now)
I may never get the chance again (I may never get the chance again)
To tell you that I need you, tell you what I’m feeling
If I keep these feelings in
And if I don’t say the words (if I don’t say the words)
How will you hear what’s inside my heart
How will you know then
If I don’t tell you now

Ooooooh
How will you know you’re inside my soul
Oh it’s driving me crazy
Cause you don’t see, you’re the world to me
I’m so afraid to see
The way that I feel for you

If I don’t tell you now (if I don’t tell you now)
I may never get the chance again (I may never get the chance again)
To tell you that I need you, tell you what I’m feeling
If I keep these feelings in
And if I don’t say the words (if I don’t say the words)
How will you hear what’s inside my heart
How will you know then
If I don’t tell you now

Ohhhh ohhhh
If I don’t tell you now…


Bloodstone – Natural High

Why do I keep my mind on you all the time
And I don’t even know you

Why do I feel this way
Thinking about you every day
And I don’t even know you

Take me in your arms
Thrill me with all of your charms

And I’ll take to the sky on a natural high
(I want to take to the sky)
Loving you more ’till the day I die
(On the natural high)
Take to the sky on a natural high
(I want you to be mine)
Loving you more.

If you have anything to do
Call me and I will do it for you
And I don’t even know you

If I only had one wish to give
That wish would be for you to live forever and ever.
When I see you on the street
My heart skips a beat

And I’ll take to the sky on a natural high
(I’ll just take to the sky)
Loving you more till the day I die
(On a natural high)
Take to the sky on a natural high
(Loving you more and I don’t know you)
Loving you more

I’m gonna try to do
All the things you want me to
If you’ll just give me a chance
I’m trying to make something out of a nothing romance
And I don’t even know you

Take me in your arms
Thrill me with all of your charms

And I’ll take to the sky on a natural high
Loving you more ’till the day I die
(To the sky)

I’ll take to the sky on a natural high
Loving you more

And I’ll take to the sky on a natural high
Loving you more ’till the day I die

I’ll take to the sky on a natural high
Loving loving you

I’ll take to the sky on a natural high
Loving you more ’till the day I die

I’ll take to the sky on a natural high
Loving loving you

La la la la la la…


Mundane, Mediocrity then boom… Moonstruck…

Ah definitely a movie marathon this weekend….flipping channels and hit pay dirt! Moonstruck!!! Still one of my all-time favorite romantic comedies!  Some say it’s dated. Yay!  It may definitely show my age. But I love this movie – all the characters are so beautifully flawed.  I cried and felt my heart surge. 

And one of my all-time fav movie lines: 

Ronny Cammareri: “Loretta, I love you. Not like they told you love is, and I didn’t know this either, but love don’t make things nice – it ruins everything. It breaks your heart. It makes things a mess. We aren’t here to make things perfect. The snowflakes are perfect. The stars are perfect. Not us. Not us! We are here to ruin ourselves and to break our hearts and love the wrong people and *die*. The storybooks are *bullshit*. Now I want you to come upstairs with me and *get* in my bed!”

Second:

Ronny Cammareri: I love you.
Loretta Castorini: Snap out of it!

♥♥ ♥♥


Just for a one night…

Long day and I’m ready
I’m waiting for your call
‘Cause I’ve made up my mind
My heart aches with a hunger
And the want that you were mine
No I cannot deny

So for one night
Is it all right?
That I give you
My heart
My love
My heart
Just for a one night
My body
My soul
Just for a one night
(One night)
My love
My love
For one night
One night
One night

When mornin’ awakes me
Well I know I’ll be alone
And I feel, I’ll be fine
So, don’t you worry about me
I’m not empty on my own
For inside I’m alive

That for one night
It was so right
That I gave you
My heart
(My heart)
My love
My heart
Just for a one night
(One night)
My body
My soul
Just for a one night
(One night)
My love
(One night)
I loved
For one night
(One night)
One night
One night

For one night
It was so right
That I gave you
My heart
(My heart)
My love
My heart
Just for a one night
(One night)
My body
My soul
Just for a one night
(One night)
My love
(One night)
Love
For one night
(One night)
We love
One night
One night
One night
(One night)
Yeah yeah
(One night)


Touch you with my words…

This past weekend has been all about me being lazy, somewhat selfish, staying indoors and watching movies…one of the movies I watched is called, “The Sessions”.  It’s a heartfelt movie, a feel-good story with an uplifting ending and irreproachable educational value.  It’s a picture based closely on fact, and it’s dedicated to “Mark O’Brien,” one of its central characters. Mark (John Hawkes) had polio when he was a child and became paralyzed in all but his head.  Inspired by the words below…

♥ Love this poem from the movie…resonates:

“Let me touch you with my words
For my hands lie limp as empty gloves
Let my words stroke your hair
Slide down your back
And tickle your belly
For my hands, light and free flying as bricks
Ignore my wishes
And stubbornly refuse to carry out my quietest desires
Let my words enter your mind
Bearing torches
Admit them willingly into your being
So they may caress you gently
Within”

Mark O’Brien – Love poem to no one in particular

Compliments…the power of words…

I love when I get my hair washed and styled at the hair salon – I swear I walk out of there feeling like a million bucks! And having people compliment me before I even hit the street is a definite plus! But I didn’t always welcome compliments.  In the past, I could just not accept a compliment graciously, and say, ‘thank you”.

In the past, twenty people could come up to me in a day’s time and say something nice about me and I’d smile and say thank you, but in my mind I would dismiss every single compliment.  I simply couldn’t internalize something I don’t feel myself.    Maybe it was stupid – but it was my reality.

And sometimes, even now, especially when I go for treatment, I feel so ugly and useless, I may still have a hard time accepting a compliment…but I am more aware of this uneasy twinge, and manage to smile and confidently utter, “thank you”.

I no longer feel the need to counter any praise by listing off my flaws.  I no longer worry that by accepting admiration, I may appear arrogant.  I used to foolishly worry that I would come across as proud, conceited, or egotistical – if I accepted a compliment without following up with a negative.  I no longer feel this way.  I welcome and accept all compliments.   These days, I don’t find myself having to downplay my strengths and emphasizing my weaknesses.

So many people even with high self-esteem may tend to reject the compliment because they want to be seen as modest and humble; others with lower self-esteem may not accept the compliment because it is inconsistent with their self-image.    I guess also we sometimes think the person giving us a compliment only wants something – so we are less likely to believe it.

I understand now that a kind word, acceptance, actually makes me feel better; boosts my self-esteem.  I believe it even wards off some depression.  Compliments should lead to positive thinking, not lead us to focus on our flaws and questions other’s motives.

Between doctor visits, treatments, being too tired to perform 110% at work – I look forward to the smallest kindness.   Believing the kind words of others —when I am feeling stressed or sad can actually counteract those negative emotions and improve my mood dramatically.

Always in my pursuit of finding balance, I like to follow this goal:  Don’t let people’s compliments go to your head and don’t let their criticisms go to your heart.  I am not sure who first coined this expression – but the sentiment is a good reminder to all.

More words to live by:

“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.”
– Leo Buscaglia

So today when my friend states, “When I compliment you, I compliment myself, because I am who I associate with”, I will just hug him and smile.  ♥


Serious need of some seriously funny people…

“I am serious, so I laugh a lot.  You need to laugh.  You don’t laugh enough.  I don’t trust anyone who doesn’t laugh”.  –Maya Angelou

“I don’t believe in being serious about anything. I think life is too serious to be taken seriously.” –Ray Bradbury

I find it interesting that most people in my life either describe me as ‘silly’ or ‘serious’…nothing really in between.  But lately many people have been telling me I am too serious…some of these people also ‘accuse’ me of wanting too much; they say, I don’t know how to take a joke.  I have to disagree.  I think these people just don’t know me…which is all good.

If people say something bad about you, judge you as if they know you, don’t easily get affected. Remember this: dogs bark if they don’t know the person.  This is my favorite saying of the week!

Sure I admit that I am very serious most of the time but not too serious, because seriousness has always been very natural to me.  Growing up, I was a loner, buried my head in a book, escaped in the words, travelled to places described.  I am a dreamer; but life has me firmly grounded in reality.  And unfortunately, that reality has seen its share of heartache. I believe this serious side of me is because of my desire to always improve myself and my dislike of imperfections.  As a result, I am hyper-critical of myself, everything I do, and even the world around me.   See to me – this may explain why many believe that I am too serious.

But I try to lighten up…I have my moments…I know how to suspend my reality hours at a time.  I think that is why I tend to gravitate toward people who have a healthy sense of humor.  They know how to laugh things off, shrug their shoulders, dust off their pants, and just keep smiling.

In my not so distant past, I have learned there are so many problems with being too serious leading to many sleepless nights:

The silent killer = Stress:   Always being sick and always feeling responsible has for the most part been overwhelming.

Worry:  Being serious leads to worrying a lot.  I tend to worry all of time.  Even insignificant issues become worrisome to someone who is too serious. Major issues become even more worrisome than they should be.

Anxiety: People who are too serious tend to have great anticipation or fears that preoccupy their thoughts.   Social anxiety is the biggest hurdle for me these days.

Depression: When serious people concentrate mostly on serious issues that are mostly out of their control, they tend to become more depressed.  Lucky for me, I don’t hibernate as long as I used to in the past.  I am more aware of all these issues which greatly helps my mood.

Boredom: Serious individuals tend to become more bored with mundane tasks. They prefer to work on more important tasks and solve problems instead.

Interactions: Being too serious can negatively affect interactions with other people, thus resulting with poor social skills and fewer friends.

As a result, being too serious most of the time can have detrimental effects to a person’s happiness, health, and social life.  Yes!  I have been proof of this.  Changing for the better…finally!

Fortunately, there is a simple and easy suggestion to help anyone become less serious. Just set aside some time each day when no important tasks need to be or will be done.   For me, this takes place every day now!  J  This will be the down time to just relax.  Do not do anything that’s stressful – I don’t watch the news, I don’t talk to selfish people, I don’t listen to love songs; I try to stay away from all that aggravate me.  Instead, I watch funny movies, read a good book, take the dog for a walk, write in my blog, allow attention from admirers, chat with my new funny friends…best of all check in with my Goddaughter – she is the brightest spot in this murky life.  She is so full of hope, love, and promises yet wise before her years.  I just pray she allows herself to be silly and doesn’t let the serious side of life take over.  She has already learned the most important thing in life:  Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.

A sense of humor… is needed armor.  Joy in one’s heart and some laughter on one’s lips is a sign that the person down deep has a pretty good grasp of life….I am finally almost there.

I strongly believe:  “The deeper that sorrow carves into your being the more joy you can contain”.  –Kahlil Gibran

Let’s all try to remember that:  “Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious”.  –Peter Ustinov

Always looking for balance…♥


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