Category Archives: Moments

My Last Day …

Have been having a terribly long stint of insomnia lately but I have been resting, laying in bed listening to music and prone dancing – yes just made that up.

Heard this beautiful song last in the wee hours of today.  The English lyrics have been translated below – but as most of us know, direct translation never captures the same meaning.  It’s a beautifully stirring song.

As if it were my last day,
I’m going to live with a sincere love
And show those close to me how much I love them.

As if it were my last day,
I’m going to fight for my dreams,
Living without fear and treasuring every minute.
I’m not going to wait until tomorrow because all I have is the present.

If there wasn’t much time, I would stay and take a moment
To show you that I love you and that I am fully content that I have you.
And if your joy depended on me, I would give everything I can to you to make this day the best day in our life.

If this was my last chance to look at you again,
I would make this moment the most important in your memory,
Because in the times of difficulty and stress of this life, we miss the details we later wish we could remember.
And then regret that we’ve forgotten these experiences, and mourn that we cannot recreate them.

If there wasn’t much time, I would stay and take a moment
To show you that I love you and that I am fully content that I have you.
And if your joy depended on me, I would give everything I can to you,
And make this day the best day in our life.

I would enjoy all that God has given me
friends, family and love,
and I’ll make this day the best of my life.

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Linger …

Today …  a very new friend of mine is traveling from NYC to Iceland for 14 days and I find myself obsessed with the very thought of him lingering in my mind, in my thoughts, in my random smile.  As I write, think on this, I hear the song, “Linger” by the Cranberries. Signs are everywhere, if you keep your mind and heart open to them.

I always tend to attempt dating each and every summer … and those months starting with the letter J!  Being June already is no different.  What is different is actually believing this may be a real possibility of me finding myself again, of falling in love – that I won’t get bored, distracted, jaded, disillusioned, overwhelmed.  I won’t make excuses, and go back into hibernation.  I am nearing the end of my 40s and I don’t plan on being alone.  I owe it to myself, and to my Michael’s forever love for me to keep moving forward, accepting love, and no more settling.

We all wish to be wanted, desired – I can easily admit that I need it.
We all want to be understood –  I will no longer settle for less.

I have had so many people I love die way too young.  I want to live with purpose, live more fully for them as well as for myself.  Life moves too fast.  In a blink, you can have it all and lose it all as quickly.

This week, I find myself more alive, carefree.  Wanting … wanting not to be alone.

Longing to be held by strong arms. Feel my fingers entwined with another’s.

Living to anticipate a kiss that takes my breath away …  again.
Looking forward to staying awake until the sun rises.

I want to slow down and listen, breathe it all in.

I want to stare into his eyes, get lost in reliving the moments.

I want to be free to be me around him.
I will sit quietly and wonder if he dares to let our lips linger without fully kissing, breathing me in and holding me tight.

I wish time could stop … I wish I could stop time –  so we can linger.
An honest life is made of moments of both good and bad – I fully understand this.  But right this minute, this instance, this small moment in time, I want my conversations with him to linger … and when I sigh, I want him to sigh.

Is this all too much to wish upon? No – already our conversation linger on my lips …  as always with grace in my step, hope in my heart, smile on my lips …

 

 

 


Find your passion … Wake up!

Yes, we all must be reminded to find our passion – no more settling!

“Passion. It lies in all of us. Sleeping… waiting… and though unwanted, unbidden, it will stir… open its jaws and howl. It speaks to us… guides us. Passion rules us all. And we obey. What other choice do we have? Passion is the source of our finest moments. The joy of love… the clarity of hatred… the ecstasy of grief. It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion, maybe we’d know some kind of peace. But we would be hollow. Empty rooms, shuttered and dank. Without passion, we’d be truly dead.” – Joss Whedon

Need to find my happy place … places. On my forever journey with purpose, passion … with grace in my step, hope in my heart. ❤


Awww-Worthy Moments

So….just watched the movie, “That Awkward Moment”, and at first, I was like, oh great another guys will be stupid movie, but it had some very significant moments of words to live by – worthy!

Every relationship arrives
at a critical moment,
a juncture,
between moving forward
and moving on.
I call that moment the “so.” …

“Go tell her how you feel.
Go make a scene.
Yeah.
– Make a public spectacle.
– Yeah.
Dude. Go big.
Do it like the movies.
Like the movies. Yeah.
– Like Jerry Maguire.
– I love that movie.
– I love that movie, man!
– So good.”

But tell me what you
love about her, man!
– What do you love about her?
– I love the way she laughs.
I like the way she fake laughs
when she knows that I need it.
Yes.
I love the way we
fit together in bed.
Because we’re the same height,
our crotches line up perfectly.
That’s really good.
I love that about it!
I mean, what are
the chances, right?
I love the way that she
looks in the morning.
Like at that exact moment
when she wakes up,
and her eyes just open
like two little butterflies.
– Two little…
– I love that!

Preppy Guy: I need a drink too. I’ll get you a drink too.
Ellie: Honestly what if I enjoy the drink. What happens then?
Preppy Guy: I’d love to hear what you think happens then.
Ellie: I’ll tell you what happens then we go play beer pong with your two roommates until I end up back at yours in Murray hill.
Preppy Guy: Yeah, that’s right how’d you know that.
Ellie: Yeah then I have to listen to your roommate have sex with Hilary, or Emily or whatever the girl’s name is, until we fall asleep. And then a year later we’re still playing beer pong in the same bars with your friends except now you feel pressured to get married and have kids because you think that’s what I want.
Jason: Then in the summers you drive up to the Hampton to meet his parents wondering the whole ride if they’re going to think your pretty enough.
Ellie: Smart.
Jason: Wondering the whole ride if they’re going to think you’re smart enough.
Ellie: Because no one is and then we have to drink shitty chardonnay.
Jason: At a shitty garden party.
Ellie: And have shitty conversations.
Jason: About shitty people.
Ellie: With his shitty mother.
Jason: Who let’s face it doesn’t think you’re smart enough.
Ellie: Pretty.
Jason: Let’s face it, doesn’t think you’re pretty enough.
Ellie: Because no one is.
Jason: No one ever will be.
Preppy Guy: What’s all that shit, I’m just talking about a drink.
Jason: Yeah, but it wasn’t just a drink though, was it.
Ellie: It was a marriage proposal.
Preppy Guy: Woah marriage , nah. It was a vodka soda. Alright fuck you guys then.
[preppy guy walks away]
Jason: Drink?
Ellie: Yep.

And my favorite part is the repeat of the above in a monologue towards the end … love the grand gesture of ‘sorry’!! Definitely an awww-worthy moment!!

And then the other guy
asked to buy her a drink,
right as Jason walked up.
And so she asked that guy,
“What happens
if I enjoy the drink?”
“What happens then?”
And he pretended not to know
the answer. So she told him.
She asked if they
would play beer pong
in that shitty bar with his friends
until they headed back to
his place in Murray Hill.
She asked if they’d have to
listen to his roommate
fuck Hilary or Emily,
or whatever her name was
till they fell asleep.
And she asked him if a year later,
they’d still be there in that bar.
The only difference being that now
he feels pressure to get married
and have kids, because he thinks
that that’s what she wants.
And then in the summers,
they would drive up
to the shitty Hamptons.
To meet his shitty parents.
Wondering the entire ride if they’d
think that she was pretty enough.
Smart.
Wondering the entire ride if
they think she’s smart enough.
Because no one was.
And no one ever will be.
And Jason knew that now.
And he would give anything
to go back to that moment.
The moment where they first met.
Before anything went wrong.
Before he didn’t show up for
her when she needed him most.
Before he understood that
being there for somebody
when it’s most difficult is really
all that relationships are.
Jason knew that now.
And he was so sorry
for what he had done.
But Jason also realized
that in that moment,
he wasn’t afraid, because he
thought she wasn’t the one.
He was absolutely terrified,
because he knew she was.
And if she could give him
just one more chance,
just one more chance,
she knew where to find him….

I am waiting on awww-worthy moments….


Lesson for today…

Such a great quote from Sons of Anarchy:

Jackson ‘Jax’ Teller: Maybe that’s the lesson for me today, to hold onto these simple moments – appreciate them a little more, there’s not many of them left. I don’t ever want that for you, finding things that make you happy shouldn’t be so hard. I know you’ll face pain, suffering, hard choices but you can’t let the weight of it choke the joy out of your life. No matter what, you have to find the things that love you. Run to them. There’s an old saying – that which doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, I don’t believe that. I think the things that try to kill you make you angry and sad. Strength comes from the good things, your family, your friends, the satisfaction of hard work. Those are the things that will keep you whole, those are the things to hold onto when you’re broken.

I agree…. ♥


If I Don’t Tell You Now …

One of my favorite lines from my early movie today:

Look, that night was as much a surprise to me as it was to you. But being with you was like going to a place that I had never been before. And after you fell asleep I just laid there, staring up at those cheap fluorescent stars you have stuck on your ceiling, and – after a while they just started forming a pattern, this weird glow-in-the-dark pattern that linked together our entire relationship. And for the first time everything seemed clear to me – like one logical progression. It felt like you and I were the greatest plan ever made and I had nothing to do with it. Being with you made me feel that maybe I didn’t have to keep planning anymore because it felt like I was actually living. And that for once in my life I wouldn’t have to work so hard at being happy. That it could just happen. Nothing will ever hurt me as much as your reaction to that same experience.

Love this song:

Ooh ooh oh yeah
I kept it inside for the longest time and I can’t keep keeping it
All this love that’s inside of my heart
Maybe it’s safer not to say that I care
Maybe this road won’t lead me anywhere
But if I don’t tell you now (if I don’t tell you now)
I may never get the chance again (I may never get the chance again)
To tell you that I need you, tell you what I’m feeling
If I keep these feelings in
And if I don’t say the words (if I don’t say the words)
How will you hear what’s inside my heart
How will you know then
If I don’t tell you now

Ohhh
I’d do anything to be in your dreams and I can’t stand standing by
With this dream that’s inside my heart(heart)
Maybe I’m only gonna make a mistake
And there’s a chance maybe my heart will break

But if I don’t tell you now (if I don’t tell you now)
I may never get the chance again (I may never get the chance again)
To tell you that I need you, tell you what I’m feeling
If I keep these feelings in
And if I don’t say the words (if I don’t say the words)
How will you hear what’s inside my heart
How will you know then
If I don’t tell you now

Ooooooh
How will you know you’re inside my soul
Oh it’s driving me crazy
Cause you don’t see, you’re the world to me
I’m so afraid to see
The way that I feel for you

If I don’t tell you now (if I don’t tell you now)
I may never get the chance again (I may never get the chance again)
To tell you that I need you, tell you what I’m feeling
If I keep these feelings in
And if I don’t say the words (if I don’t say the words)
How will you hear what’s inside my heart
How will you know then
If I don’t tell you now

Ohhhh ohhhh
If I don’t tell you now…


Bloodstone – Natural High

Why do I keep my mind on you all the time
And I don’t even know you

Why do I feel this way
Thinking about you every day
And I don’t even know you

Take me in your arms
Thrill me with all of your charms

And I’ll take to the sky on a natural high
(I want to take to the sky)
Loving you more ’till the day I die
(On the natural high)
Take to the sky on a natural high
(I want you to be mine)
Loving you more.

If you have anything to do
Call me and I will do it for you
And I don’t even know you

If I only had one wish to give
That wish would be for you to live forever and ever.
When I see you on the street
My heart skips a beat

And I’ll take to the sky on a natural high
(I’ll just take to the sky)
Loving you more till the day I die
(On a natural high)
Take to the sky on a natural high
(Loving you more and I don’t know you)
Loving you more

I’m gonna try to do
All the things you want me to
If you’ll just give me a chance
I’m trying to make something out of a nothing romance
And I don’t even know you

Take me in your arms
Thrill me with all of your charms

And I’ll take to the sky on a natural high
Loving you more ’till the day I die
(To the sky)

I’ll take to the sky on a natural high
Loving you more

And I’ll take to the sky on a natural high
Loving you more ’till the day I die

I’ll take to the sky on a natural high
Loving loving you

I’ll take to the sky on a natural high
Loving you more ’till the day I die

I’ll take to the sky on a natural high
Loving loving you

La la la la la la…


Jakob Dylan “You’re No Match”

Still feeling under the weather, so its been a movie marathon weekend already. Came across this little unknown film….not the best, not the worst. It’s a movie for anyone whose life has been thrown off-course, out of whack, or simply not turned out the way they planned it. Heard this song from the movie soundtrack…had to share…♥

I may be down for the count
I may not get up again
Now, you could say I gave out
But that I never gave in…


Past and present collide…

There are days when it is difficult to breathe,

There are times when all I feel is utterly confused,

There are days when the sunshine does not warm me,

There are nights I blend together with the darkness,

There are questions with answers still unknown,

There are moments when I remember who I am,

There are instances when all I have is hope,

There are moments when I feel hope in my heart, even when in tears…

Sometimes I wonder, if there was a moment in time where the past and present collide…

And if today is that day….

 


Change is in the air…

Missing my brother, missing my oldest friends, missing the old me…I understand life moves forward. Time doesn’t stop.

The past few weeks, has been all about old friends, new friends…and I love this quote:
“Even though we’ve changed and we’re all finding our own place in the world, we all know that when the tears fall or the smile spreads across our face, we’ll come to each other because no matter where this crazy world takes us, nothing will ever change so much to the point where we’re not all still friends.”

With each change we go through, our plan needs to accommodate…I am a work in progress.

I truly believe that for whatever reason; reasons, I don’t fully understand right now, nor am fully aware…today marks a day of change for me. I am home sick, feeling puny; a tad whiney, alone….and although my body is weak, my resolve is strong.

“Life’s challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they’re supposed to help you discover who you are”. – Bernice Johnson Reagon

Most people can look back over the years and identify a time and place at which their lives changed significantly. Whether by accident or design, these are the moments when, because of a readiness within us and a collaboration with events occurring around us, we are forced to seriously reappraise ourselves and the conditions under which we live and to make certain choices that will affect the rest of our lives. – Frederick F. Flack

Have you ever heard the saying, “I’m like a picture, developing from the negative”? So true…our life is indeed journey toward effective and necessary change. Adapting…

I have realized that life is should be full of joy. But for us to fully experience this joie de vivre, we can’t be resistant to change. Change is always present and always knocking on our door, every moment, every second of every day.

“Not one moment in time exists without the next moment in time forcing it to become history.”

Change is inevitable. It is such an important part of every human being’s life – our journey…embracing change!


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