Category Archives: Mind

At A Loss

I am at a loss today. Trying so hard to keep it together. But my heart is bruised, my head hurts, my body aches … I just feel like I am not in control.

I have heard it all before – everything in life is temporary, pain is part of growing, change is necessary, letting go is vital, worrying and complaining hinder and don’t change/solve anything, my scars are a sign of my struggle, each day is a new step going forward, yes think positive, worry less, etc., etc., – yes, I have heard it all before. I have tried to past a fake smile on my face, and not complain much. To NO avail. I am at a loss.

Lately, I find myself seized by panic attacks — I never know when another one might strike. My heart and mind are in constant overdrive, my weight has been fluctuating, and mild sweats are my constant companion. Oh and let’s not forget the insomnia and when I go days without any sleep, I feel like I living in a prison of anxiety, dizziness, and fatigue. Even worse than this constant helplessness is the very real feeling that my life is no longer my own.

I am at a loss. I need to accept that there are many things I used to be able to do a year ago, I can no longer do. I have already lost so much and now having to accept this loss is taking a big chunk out of my confidence and my attitude of optimism. I am tired of all the pithy things people say to me … I have heard it all before.

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Sometimes…

Sometimes our mind is at war with our heart…the mind knows that we need to forget something but our heart is still keeping it…

Sometimes I don’t like the memories because the tears come too easily, yet once again I break my promise to myself…and dredge up these bittersweet memories.

It’s a constant battle….a war between remembering and forgetting…

“I’d trade all my tomorrows for one single yesterday”

Sometimes you find yourself in the middle of nowhere; but if you are lucky, sometimes, in the middle of nowhere, you find yourself.

For one minute each day, walk outside, stand there in silence…look up to the sky, and contemplate just how amazing life truly is…

Live with promise

Love with passion

Laugh with pleasure

 


What hurts you today, makes you stronger tomorrow…

Rough week!  So over the moon its Friday…but the weekend is already mocking me with silence.  Took my Chili dog to the vet, learned he had arthritis and a spinal injury deterioration – he is limping around a little better with his new meds.  Poor little guy – he has already endured two knee surgeries.  I had to go to the Orthopedic today to learn my results from my MRI – sure enough I need surgery on my right hand – they found a tear in my ligament, a cyst, and central perforation…enough said.  Was praying against hope that surgery would not be needed.  But learning that somehow this is my life…

I find myself repeatedly asking God how much am I to take and when will it be my year but I somehow find the strength He provides for me to keep moving forward…smiling through my tears.   I was hoping to find someone special by now so I can find comfort and support in another but I guess it’s just not my time.  I know my Mr. Perfect for me is out there.  And I know that God has a plan as to why my life, physically and emotionally needs to go through this pain now with broken bones that don’t heal.

I am learning that letting go has nothing to do with weakness, and everything to do with strength.  We let go and walk away not because we want others to realize our worth, but because we finally realize our own worth.

Sometimes you just need to do your best and surrender the rest. – Don’t be too hard on yourself.  There are plenty of people willing to do that for you.  Tell yourself, “I am doing the best I can with what I have in this moment.  And that is all I can expect of anyone, including me.”  Love yourself and be proud of everything that you do, even your mistakes.  Because even mistakes mean you’re trying.

You are in control of one person, and one person only: yourself. – There is only one way to be happy, only one route to happiness, and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of your control.  Letting go in your relationships doesn’t always mean that you don’t care about people anymore; it’s simply realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself.

What’s right for you may be wrong for others, and vice versa.– Think for yourself, and allow others the privilege of doing so too.  We all dance to the beat of a different drum.  There are few absolute ‘rights’ and ‘wrongs’ in the world.  You need to live your life your way – the way that’s right for you.

Some people will refuse to accept you for who you are.   And I am learning not to care as much.   Always choose to be true to yourself, even at the risk of incurring ridicule from others, rather than being fake and incurring the pain and confusion of trying to be someone you’re not.  When you are comfortable in your skin, not everyone in this world will like you, and that’s okay.  Yup…it really is.

Relationships can only exist on a steady foundation of truth.  When there is a breakdown in a relationship, you must have the hard conversation.  It may not be pretty and it may not feel good.  But if you are willing to listen and tell the truth, it will open up.  When you learn how to build relationships based on truth and authenticity, rather than masks, false perfection, and being phony, your relationships will heal, connect, and thrive.

Sometimes walking away is the only way to win.  Never waste your time trying to explain yourself to people who have proven that they are committed to misunderstanding you.  In other words, don’t define your intelligence by the number of arguments you have won, but by the number of times you have said, “This unnecessary nonsense is not worth my time.”

Sitting in silence I will learn to hide my pain…

Focusing on what I have left, not only on what I have lost.

It truly should never be all about what you have lost, but about what you have learned.

Still looking forward on putting my loss behind me….looking forward to my newest finds….

I have said this before…

Every day I am crumbling more apart and yet falling more together all at the same time.

We all need to remember one simple thing: it’s OK to be lost. It’s OK to let go of needing all the answers. It’s not going to kill you— in fact, it just might bring you to life.

I’ve lived, I’ve loved, I’ve lost, I’ve missed, I’ve hurt, I’ve trusted, I’ve made mistakes, but most of all, I’ve learned.   Very happy that I am in one piece…mind, heart, body and spirit…. All good to go….♥


In Pain

I am all broken bones and shattered heart and confused mind….
Pain at times is unbearable…
Grasping at hope…

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