Category Archives: Me

Beautiful…a place where I can breathe…

Who knew that attempting to survive a Zumba class yesterday, we would hear of a beautiful song and be reminded of the original place I heard it – the movie, “The Secret Life of Bees”?!

So of course I had to re-watch it!  Ah now to some of my fav quotes:

“Someone who thinks death is the scariest thing doesn’t know a thing about life.”

“Knowing can be a curse on a person’s life. I’d traded in a pack of lies for a pack of truth, and I didn’t know which one was heavier. Which one took the most strength to carry around? It was a ridiculous question, though, because once you know the truth, you can’t ever go back and pick up your suitcase of lies. Heavier or not, the truth is yours now.”

“I have noticed that if you look carefully at people’s eyes the first five seconds they look at you, the truth of their feelings will shine through for just an instant before it flickers away.”

“The body knows things a long time before the mind catches up to them. I was wondering what my body knew that I didn’t.”

“I worried so much about how I looked and whether I was doing things right, I felt half the time I was impersonating a girl instead of really being one.”

“People, in general, would rather die than forgive. It’s that hard. If God said in plain language, “I’m giving you a choice, forgive or die,” a lot of people would go ahead and order their coffin.”

“You’ve been halfway living your life for too long. May was saying that when it’s time to die, go ahead and die, and when it’s time to live, live. Don’t sort-of-maybe live, but live like you’re going all out, like you’re not afraid.”

“Make the world better. Take the meanness out of people’s hearts.”

Yes…live each moment, forgive, move forward…no regrets.  Honesty hurts.  Such is life I guess.  ♥

The time is right
I’m gonna pack my bags
And take that journey down the road
Cause over the mountain I see the bright sun shinning
And I want to live inside the glow
Yeah

I wanna go to place where I am nothing and everything
That exists between here and nowhere
I wanna go to a place time as no consequence oh yeah
The sky opens to my prayers

I wanna go to beautiful, beautiful, beautiful,
I wanna go to beautiful, beautiful, beautiful,
I wanna go to beautiful, beautiful, beautiful,
I wanna go to beautiful, beautiful, beautiful,

Please understand that it not that I don’t care
But right know these wall are closing in on me
I love you more than I love life itself

But I need to find a place where I can breathe
I can breathe
I wanna go to place where I can hold the intangible
And let go of the pain with all my might

I wanna go to a place where I am suspended in ecstasy
Some where between dark and light
Where wrong becomes right

I wanna go to beautiful, beautiful, beautiful,
I wanna go to beautiful, beautiful, beautiful,
I wanna go to beautiful, beautiful, beautiful,
I wanna go to beautiful, beautiful, beautiful…


T’s Thursday Thoughts…

Tired.  My most recent Rx for insomnia not working…*sigh*  I am so tired that I have realized what makes me the most exhausted is having to repeat myself over and over again to some people.  I will no longer feel the need to explain myself.  If a person doesn’t understand me, its on them.  If a person doesn’t like what I say, its on them.  I have adopted the new stance:  No longer justifying my feelings, my actions.  Only in a court of law, will I feel the need to justify.

We often feel the need to justify our feelings, like everyone outside is watching and forming judgments.  I guess its because the truth is they often are.  But I have learned that we have choices.  We can either explain ourselves to ensure how we’d like to be seen, even though in reality, we can’t actually control that or we can just focus on feeling and learning from our emotions, since that’s something within our power.  So I opt for the latter.

Instead of pretending you feel fine—and explaining why it may seem otherwise—let yourself feel your emotions to so you can discover what you need to do to move past them. Instead of explaining why you don’t seem perfect, let yourself be human without apologies.

Sometimes it makes sense to explain yourself—when someone misunderstands, or when you hurt someone accidentally. But most often the only person who needs an explanation is you so you can accept and work through whatever is on your mind.

Today if you’re tempted to justify your emotions, remember: You can’t control what other people think. But if you can accept yourself in this moment, you may discover what you need to do to feel better–instead of just trying to look better.  Yup.

I am sure we have all heard the saying, “Never let someone be your priority, while you remain their option” – but how many actually follow this sage advice?!  I know I have not in the past…but I am working on it…

It’s no secret I have a weakness — I see people better than they really are or better than they see themselves. My expectations and trust of people always gets the best of me because I place them high on top of the totem pole instead of leaving room for their faults and issues so, when they do something that goes against what I think of them; I always, always end up being disappointed and in tears. When getting involved in a romantic relationship this kind of thinking has always lead to my own personal heartbreak because I chose to make a man my priority when he only considers me his option.

I am no longer choosing to be this way, at this point and stage in my life I am choosing to be selfish in life and in love. I’m choosing to look out for me and no one else.   I should feel a little jaded about life and love, but I don’t.

In 2012, my year of possibilities, I am choosing to be my own priority and not anyone’s option. I have learned that being an option is not a relationship; you are just filling a void for that particular time and place. You probably see each other when it is convenient for the other person, without them considering if it works for you. Around to stroke their ego.  Being an option means getting that last minute call when all their other plans have fallen through and you are their last resort.   When you are priority, you know that you are a priority. Being a priority is being in a relationship; it does not need to be spoken where and with whom you are spending your free time, you both are making time for each other according to both schedules and are making plans in advance. Being a priority is like being a rare one of a kind precious item that someone will whole-heartedly cherish and will always be the featured showcase, their pride and joy. Being a priority is not just about the sex; it’s about building a foundation of friendship that blossoms into a solid and firm relationship. It means going on dates, having good conversations, meeting the important people in his/ her life. If you are a priority and it’s important to him/her then they should make an effort to incorporate you into their life and vice versa. Get the picture? If you are being treated like an option instead of a priority, all I ask is that you have the courage to walk away…this brings me back to not having to explain myself anymore, too.

Life is too short to play with people’s emotions, that’s how people get hurt …  start being accountable for your actions…

Life is about trust, love and self-respect…but it must start with yourself…I am learning how to put myself first and to take care of myself – FAST

The F is fair and that means being fair to myself by not engaging when I don’t feel like it, not looking for approval, and setting boundaries (something was not demonstrated to me by my family when I was growing up).

The A is for no apologies. I don’t have to explain myself. This is a big one!! I have spent a VERY big portion of my life justifying my behavior to others.  I don’t owe anyone an explanation.

The S is for sticking to my values. It serves no purpose to get caught up in something I wouldn’t normally do. I deserve respect and I have to keep to my own values for myself and not get caught up into wanting to be accepted and giving in to other people’s beliefs.  I am no longer in HS!

The T is for truthfulness. There’s no reason to lie. I don’t have to participate in a discussion that I don’t want to be led into. It’s okay to just say, “I don’t want to talk right now.” AND let it go. I’m not responsible for the feelings of others.

It’s all about T…today, tomorrow…♥


I want to be in love like in the movies…

…I have had it once before…holding out…
I ♥ the movie, “Sleepless in Seattle”…
Doctor Marcia Fieldstone: People who truly loved once are far more likely to love again. Sam, do you think there’s someone out there you could love as much as your wife?
Sam Baldwin: Well, Dr. Marcia Fieldstone, that’s hard to imagine.
Doctor Marcia Fieldstone: What are you going to do?
Sam Baldwin: Well, I’m gonna get out of bed every morning… breathe in and out all day long. Then, after a while I won’t have to remind myself to get out of bed every morning and breathe in and out… and, then after a while, I won’t have to think about how I had it great and perfect for a while.
Doctor Marcia Fieldstone: Tell me what was so special about your wife?
Sam Baldwin: Well, how long is your program? Well, it was a million tiny little things that, when you added them all up, they meant we were supposed to be together… and I knew it. I knew it the very first time I touched her. It was like coming home… only to no home I’d ever known… I was just taking her hand to help her out of a car and I knew. It was like… magic.

Stay true to your heart…♥


Ah music…

Does music affect your mood or does your mood affect what music you listen to?

I’m going to have to say my MOOD always dictates what I listen to and for how long.  Let’s say if I get in the mood for a Classical moment I will only listen for a little while then switch to whatever my mood tells me to switch to.

I actually think it’s a bit of both as well most times. Music very much affects my mood and if I go up or down that will tell me what’s next on the list. I’m a sucker for a great love song and rich, full voices.

What goes into getting a job as a soundtrack adviser / consultant for film? Hmmmm…

Well this is what I just finished watching Life As We Know It again, and I love their soundtrack.   This one song heard again, listening to and its been on a few soundtracks for other movies, soap operas, etc:  Roberta Flack’s “Hey, That’s No Way to Say Goodbye” – Definitely fits my mood right this minute…♥

Roberta Flack – Hey, That’s No Way To Say Goodbye

I loved you in the morning, our kisses deep and warm
And your hair upon the pillow like a sleepy golden storm
Many loved before us, I know we are not new
And in city and in forest they love like me and you
But now it’s come to distances, both of us must try
Your eyes filled with sorrow
Hey, that’s no way to say goodbye
I’m not looking for another as I wander in my time
Walk me to the corner, our steps will always rhyme
You know my heart goes with you, your love stays with me
It’s just the way life changes, like the shoreline of the sea
But let’s not talk of love or chains, things we can’t untie
Your eyes are fill with sorrow
Hey, that’s no way to say goodbye

Someone…♥

What I am looking for…someone who…

–        Isn’t afraid of showing me off.

–        Is there for me.

–        Takes care of me.

–        Loves me unconditionally.

–        Can make me laugh and smile, especially when I am feeling down.

–        Isn’t scared of telling me how they feel.

–        Ruins my lipstick instead of my mascara.

–        Promises to wipe away my tears with laughter.

–        Takes my pain away with compassion.

–        I can trust.

–        I can love with all of my heart.

–        Remembers I am a gift to him.

–        I can tough it out with, through the good, the bad and the ugly.

I have learned the difference between a man who flatters me, and a man who compliments me; a man who spends money on me, and a man who invests in me;  a man who views me as property, and a man who views me properly; a man who lusts after me and a man who loves me…♥


So elusive…Thinking of you…

This minute…this is how I am feeling…

 

Katy Perry – Thinking of You

Comparisons are easily done
Once you’ve had a taste of perfection
Like an apple hanging from a tree
I picked the ripest one, I still got the seed
You said move on, where do I go?
I guess second best is all I will know
‘Cause when I’m with him I am thinking of you
(Thinking of you, thinking of you)
Thinking of you, what you would do
If you were the one who was spending the night
(Spending the night, spending the night)
Oh, I wish that I was looking into your eyes
You’re like an Indian Summer in the middle of winter
Like a hard candy with a surprise center
How do I get better once I’ve had the best?
You said there’s tons of fish in the water, so the waters I will test
He kissed my lips, I taste your mouth, oh!
(Taste your mouth)
He pulled me in, I was disgusted with myself
‘Cause when I’m with him I am thinking of you
(Thinking of you, thinking of you)
Thinking of you, what you would do
If you were the one who was spending the night
(Spending the night, spending the night)
Oh, I wish that I was looking into
You’re the best, and yes, I do regret
How I could let myself let you go
Now, now the lesson’s learned
I touched it, I was burned
Oh, I think you should know!
‘Cause when I’m with him I am thinking of you
(Thinking of you, thinking of you)
Thinking of you, what you would do
If you were the one who was spending the night
(Spending the night, spending the night)
Oh, I wish that I was looking into your, your eyes
Looking into your eyes, looking into your eyes
Oh, won’t you walk through?
And bust in the door and take me away?
Oh, no more mistakes
‘Cause in your eyes I’d like to stay, stay…

 

 


Conversations in my head, heart… trying to be patient…need sleep!

Conversations in my head, heart… I have this knack of making the simple complicated, analyzing things right out of existence, ending them before they begin. I don’t know how to sit back and watch life unfold. I want to give this, whatever it is a chance, kick back a little, and not hold each other up to relentless scrutiny and arbitrary tests. We might actually find some happiness. I get the impression you live life under the bar. You have passion I have felt it sparingly. Let it come out of you. Be more carefree…every day is precious. You live in anxiety, anticipating but never quite reaching out. It’s like you move to a tune in your head, yet you remain motionless in so many ways. I am hoping that I have the time and patience to draw you out…Out of your comfort zone…

Ordinarily my genius equals insanity to many…but in my very lucid moments, always sleep deprived, I am merely stupid in my hasty actions…like thinking that I wanted to let you go before it really even got started. But I won’t. Don’t let me…

You have a way about you – not quite tangible. There’s something that you do to me; something no one sees…It’s the way you make me feel inside. The way you allow me speak so freely, whenever we sit and talk, the way you don’t even move when I caress your face; the way you make me feel so comfortable – opens up a part of me. Ironic how something so scary, so new, can feel so right, so quickly. I hope we can be a breath of fresh air in each other’s cluttered life. Somehow smooth out the edges of our souls. So I will continue to lay here and recall the exact moment your lips touched mine, I could remember repeating in my head, “Do it again and again and again..”. So soft and gentle…until….


Maybe to know me is not to love me…

We all want to fall in love. Why?

Because that experience makes us feel completely alive,
where every sense is heightened,
and every emotion is magnified.
Our everyday reality is shattered
and we are flying into the heavens.
It may only last a moment, an hour, or an afternoon,
but that doesn’t diminish its value,
because we are left with memories
that we treasure for the rest of our lives.

From the movie The Mirror Has Two Faces 

I think I am going to be single a lot longer than I thought at first. But this is my year – my time to be selfish, to finally put myself first. And not everyone will like this nor understand this. And that is just fine by me. Those who I choose to be in my life will understand and accept me. I am no longer going to change or go out of my way to accommodate others. I don’t feel like answering to anyone; I have no more patience or tolerance for people who don’t pay attention and I find myself having to repeat things to. I don’t need to be rescued.  I just need to re-discover and embrace me.

Relationships are harder now because conversations became texting, arguments became phone calls, and feelings became subliminal messages online. Sex became easy, the word love gets used out of context, insecurities have become your way of thinking. Getting jealous became a habit, trust has been lost, cheating became an accident, leaving became the only option and being hurt became natural.

Tired…


Forecast: Chance of Rain…

Just finished watching the movie, “Swinging with the Finkels”‘…and parts of it resonated with me…

“The only real obstacle to man’s inability to commit is man himself.”
“It’s not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility.”

For people who always think the grass is greener on the other side…If you worry about what might be, and wonder what might have been, you will ignore what is…now!

With so many advancements in technology, our lifestyles have been completely transformed. So many choices.  Sometimes when we have so many choices we become restless. We tend to not settle on what we already have or stay satisfied with what we’ve got because we’ll always be wondering about the next big thing. It’s called the grass is always greener syndrome. So many of us tend to think someone else is having a better time elsewhere; we can make ourselves miserable by thinking about the unknown in our endless quest to find happiness. We lie awake at night torturing ourselves over what we should do next, wondering if we are missing something big. We feel we are wasting our lives if we are not doing something more important.

There’s also this sense of urgency, this sense of time and pressure we place on ourselves. Sometimes we feel like we are running out of time and should constantly be doing something greater othwerwise we consider ourselves failures. Then there’s the whole idea that we are somehow special and meant for grandeur; that somehow our lives were destined to be thrilling, adventurous, and hugely successful.

And when we wake up and just realize that our lives are not turning out the way we expected or dreamt…well we find ourselves in crisis, don’t we?!  Perhaps a mid-life crisis. We get depressed; we want more; we get that grass is greener syndrome. We become unhappy, disatisfied, and spend all of our time and energy focusing on what we don’t have rather than counting our blessings. Trust me, I have been there – earlier than I expected in life too; most likely brought about from my illness and having to accept my limited opportunities early on. And I have learned that one is truly not happier on the other side of the grass…the grass is just as green. Focusing on what we don’t have is a definite recipe for disaster. It leads to a miserable, lonely existence and causes us to forget what is most important…the present – the here and now.

As John Lennon once said, “Life is what happens to you while you are busy making other plans”. So very true!

With so many choices and opportunities available to us, sometimes we tend to ignore what’s actually happening around us in the present. We forget the whole how to be happy; we miss the point of what happiness really means – acceptance, peace of mind, forgiveness, being mindful.

Don’t get me wrong, opportunities are great, sometimes wish I had more, but there comes a point where we need to accept our choices, decisions and our lives. Embrace all that comes along. Definitely go out and see the world and try to enjoy all that life has to offer. But whenever you feel yourself losing focus and wondering what if, bring yourself back to the present, Enjoy the moments today! Happiness to me is no longer about where I live, or the material things I have; it really is simply sometimes about smelling the roses, taking a deep breath, feeling your heartbeat…

All we have is the right now, So let’s forget the past; try not to worry too much about the future; truly find something in each new day that makes us smile even if for a moment. Stop thinking the grass is greener – because it truly isn’t…and without the rain, it will still turn brown….embracing ME!


You have to be happy in yourself….

“I’m like a fine wine. I get better with age. The best is yet to come.” ♥


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