Category Archives: Ex

The Letter

I came across this and OMG did it ever resonate with me …. so I had to share. Thanks Leslie @IWantMyKissesBack.

Letter to the emotionally unavailable men of the world:

Dear Mr. I Have A Wall Up –

Please stop wasting my time. It is not my job to break down that wall you put after what’s her name broke your heart. I like mystery but if you give me nothing, that is all I will give you back now. I do not have time to constantly try to prove myself and ask for forgiveness foe a crime I didn’t commit. Stop waiting for Ms. Right to come along and change your whole viewpoint on women and relationships, because we’ll she doesn’t exist. You create distance between people by relying heavily on impersonal means of communication like texting. You press ignore when she calls and you are always busy but the moment she is ready to walk away you give her just enough to keep her there for just a moment longer. You were hurt and since then you refuse to open up to anyone else unless they pry information out of you by threatening to push you over a ledge. You play games with women to see how strong they are, and to see if they will put up with your bs even when you are not willing to put up with theirs. You use humor and sarcasm to cover up your real feelings and even if you miss her you keep it a secret. You will never fall in love because you simply do not allow yourself to do so. You are a wuss and afraid that if you let anyone in that they will do what she did or worse. You think being closed off makes you look cool but instead it makes you look weak. The strongest people in the world are those that allow themselves the opportunity to feel. No girl has ever made your heart skip a beat, except for the nameless one who broke your heart and you go through women like underwear. You leave them confused or even worse heartbroken because they thought you were all in when you were really half assing it the whole time. You keep dating in hopes that the next woman will break that wall down and sweep you off your feet, but it is impossible. Only you can break down that wall and allow love to grow in your heart. Anything worth having involves risks, but without taking those risks, you will never develop a deep emotional connection with anyone. And in the process you will hurt many who were vulnerable enough to open up to you. In the end, you think you are strong because you don’t feel the pain that she does and you move on with ease. But deep down inside, there is a pain that lingers like the aroma left after a fire. You haven’t forgiven that person from your past and you are blaming the world for their mistakes. Guilty until proven innocent. But that, my dear, is not justice….nor is it love. Stop wasting my time and that of others. Work on yourself and once you remove that wall then think about giving me a call, but by then I probably would have moved on to someone who cared enough to give me an honest chance.

Ms. Tired of Your Crap So Now I don’t Waste My Time With You Anymore

PS : I want my kisses back …

There’s no smoke without fire…

Why do people cheat??   And I mean cheat on their partners – not on their taxes…

When I was engaged to the love of my life, thoughts of other people, didn’t even cross my mind, Hugh Jackman could have tried to seduce me, and as flattered as I would have been, I would have smiled, and walked away.  But when I married one of my closest friends, I have to admit I took many glances at others, but even then I remained faithful, and semi-unhappy in a non-passionate marriage.  Now that I am divorced and looking for love again, I find that many people cheat – and we are older now, in our 40’s and 50’s.  I just don’t quite understand.

I have tried talking about this to my friends, to people who cheat.  But unfortunately, they haven’t been able to give me a  clear-cut answer, maybe there isn’t one.  I don’t know.

We spent a lot of time talking about the consequences if they get caught.   You really need to consider the worst-case scenario: Your partner finds out and is brokenhearted – Ask yourself, is it worth it?

You need to truly ask yourself why are you doing this, going behind their back and meeting up with someone else…To me, cheating is a choice…looking for attention, looking to find a new spark, instead of rediscovering it at home…maybe it isn’t this simple.  I admit, I do not know.

Many of my friends, acquaintances – have provided the following reasons for cheating, for stepping out of their marriage, relationship:

  • Boredom
  • Thrill of the unknown
  • She/he has changed
  • Feelings of neglect
  • Failure to communicate leads to less intimacy
  • Lack of emotional and relationship satisfaction
  • She/he nags too much
  • You are both leading parallel lives, doing things separately
  • Wanderlust – compelled to break from your daily routine
  • Passion has fizzled, need/want something new, different, exciting
  • She/he crave sexual “variety”
  • Ego needs a boost, need extra affirmation that you still got it…

Sex and love mean different things to many people which may lead them to cheat guilt free.  If someone experiences guilt, it is most likely not about the sex, but about the consequences…will the lover kiss and tell?  Will the partner find out?

Still….why do people cheat??

“We’re only monogamous because we realize that love and friendship are more important than getting laid,”

If I’d known you were cheating me,

I would have saved myself and set you free.

If I learned you weren’t the loving kind,

I would have saved some peace of mind.
My friends told me you would break my heart,

And never last, we would surely part.
There’s no smoke without fire,

Baby, baby you’re a liar.
People talk in this little town,

Rumors keep spreading all around.

And now word has it you’ve been foolin’ me,

I’m so blind that I cannot see.
My friends told me never to believe in you,

You never loved me you were never true

There’s no smoke without fire,

Baby, baby you’re a liar.
No there’s no smoke without fire.

Baby, baby you’re a liar.

You’re a liar

You’re a liar

You’re a liar

Baby you’re a liar.
There’s no light without a flame,

There’s no use in having you to blame.
No…There’s no smoke without fire.

Baby, baby you’re a liar.

You’re a liar…

Sending a question out into the universe…why does an “ex” contact me every three months???

I wonder how many people out there in the world have had to deal with an ex contacting them after months of no contact…

I met this man when I was first separated, going through a messy divorce, unemployed, and we began to casually date for a few months – we didn’t meet each other’s friends, nor family.   We didn’t chat on the phone every night.  I thought it was all on me that we didn’t progress into something more stable or serious.   For one, I am not one for talking on the phone much.  I was going through a divorce and looking for work – so I thought I had too much going on to really include someone in my life.  We decided we were both looking for different things and went our merry way.  At least that is what I thought.  After the first time we decided to no longer date, he reached out to me after two months, then we would go out for a drink and then after a day, I would remember why we stopped seeing each other.  This behavior went on for a year.  I thought it was me being hard on him for not giving him a chance but then I realized it was really him who was so selfish and self-absorbed, and needed some kind of reaffirmation that I was still thinking of him after a couple of months.  So after one particularly frustrating time, I blocked him from calling and texting me.  Deleted him from Facebook.  We had no real reason to stay connected – no mutual friends, no familiar haunts.  But since a block on a cell only last a few months (who knew?!), a text from him came through to me yet again, and I foolishly agreed to meet up since he wanted my opinion on a math lesson he was planning for a Parent’s Night.  After meeting for drinks, he called me almost everyday for a week and wanted to get together and on the dates he suggested, I was not available.  So he thought I was blowing him off and I thought he was being selfish.  Yes.  This has been our cycle.  I have no real desire to date him.  I don’t dislike him so I thought we could be strictly friends.  But when he doesn’t get his way, I have to deal with a barrage of insults that range from my being incapable of being in a relationship,  to committing, not being a good friend, then he contradicted himself once and said I was too needy.  I don’t know anymore what he wants, or expects from me.  Every time I ask, I hear only silence and the echo of my words.  I am content in not speaking to him.  But for some reason he doesn’t let me fully go.  We chatted a bit for the holidays.  Then his birthday in January.  Then nothing.  March comes around, my birthday passes, nothing.  And I am okay with this.  Then yesterday of all days, I get a text from him, wanting to know what’s new, he is thinking of me, etc.  I chose to ignore.  But no, he wouldn’t let it go – this morning yet another text – this one more abrasive, “Ummm…silence from you is daunting”…seriously…I chose not to ignore.  Silly me!  I politely (I swear, we can be polite via text), ask him to stop this 2/3 check in of his, inane behavior and leave me alone…but my wish was not granted, he sent me another text just recently but I am willfully ignoring.  Childish?  Perhaps.  I just truly do not want to deal with any unnecessary drama.

If anyone out there has any advice, please send my way.  I am tired of this going back and forth.  This is my year to be true to myself and I am finding it hard to stay nice sometimes to people like him who just don’t get the message and stay away.

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