Category Archives: Advice

The Letter

I came across this and OMG did it ever resonate with me …. so I had to share. Thanks Leslie @IWantMyKissesBack.

Letter to the emotionally unavailable men of the world:

Dear Mr. I Have A Wall Up –

Please stop wasting my time. It is not my job to break down that wall you put after what’s her name broke your heart. I like mystery but if you give me nothing, that is all I will give you back now. I do not have time to constantly try to prove myself and ask for forgiveness foe a crime I didn’t commit. Stop waiting for Ms. Right to come along and change your whole viewpoint on women and relationships, because we’ll she doesn’t exist. You create distance between people by relying heavily on impersonal means of communication like texting. You press ignore when she calls and you are always busy but the moment she is ready to walk away you give her just enough to keep her there for just a moment longer. You were hurt and since then you refuse to open up to anyone else unless they pry information out of you by threatening to push you over a ledge. You play games with women to see how strong they are, and to see if they will put up with your bs even when you are not willing to put up with theirs. You use humor and sarcasm to cover up your real feelings and even if you miss her you keep it a secret. You will never fall in love because you simply do not allow yourself to do so. You are a wuss and afraid that if you let anyone in that they will do what she did or worse. You think being closed off makes you look cool but instead it makes you look weak. The strongest people in the world are those that allow themselves the opportunity to feel. No girl has ever made your heart skip a beat, except for the nameless one who broke your heart and you go through women like underwear. You leave them confused or even worse heartbroken because they thought you were all in when you were really half assing it the whole time. You keep dating in hopes that the next woman will break that wall down and sweep you off your feet, but it is impossible. Only you can break down that wall and allow love to grow in your heart. Anything worth having involves risks, but without taking those risks, you will never develop a deep emotional connection with anyone. And in the process you will hurt many who were vulnerable enough to open up to you. In the end, you think you are strong because you don’t feel the pain that she does and you move on with ease. But deep down inside, there is a pain that lingers like the aroma left after a fire. You haven’t forgiven that person from your past and you are blaming the world for their mistakes. Guilty until proven innocent. But that, my dear, is not justice….nor is it love. Stop wasting my time and that of others. Work on yourself and once you remove that wall then think about giving me a call, but by then I probably would have moved on to someone who cared enough to give me an honest chance.

Sincerely,
Ms. Tired of Your Crap So Now I don’t Waste My Time With You Anymore

PS : I want my kisses back …


It’s all “About Time” …

I absolutely love everything about the movie, “About Time”. I love the actors, the characters, the story line…everything! I wish we all go back and have a re-do, a do-over, a repeat…a groundhog moment. But since we can’t let’s just challenge ourselves to just breathe, smile and appreciate more. Repeat as necessary.

Some of my favorite quotes:

“We’re all traveling through time together, every day of our lives. All we can do is do our best to relish this remarkable ride.”

“And so he told me his secret formula for happiness. Part one of the two part plan was that I should just get on with ordinary life, living it day by day, like anyone else.”

“But then came part two of Dad’s plan. He told me to live every day again almost exactly the same. The first time with all the tensions and worries that stop us noticing how sweet the world can be, but the second time noticing. Okay, Dad. Let’s give it a go.”

“And in the end I think I’ve learned the final lesson from my travels in time; and I’ve even gone one step further than my father did: The truth is I now don’t travel back at all, not even for the day, I just try to live every day as if I’ve deliberately come back to this one day, to enjoy it, as if it was the full final day of my extraordinary, ordinary life.”


Me….Screaming….

So many people take so much for granted. I think sometimes life is so unfair. People have parents, brothers and loves and take them for granted – I wonder do they realize what they have. I think too the price we pay for loving so much is an immense pain when we suffer loss because I don’t just hurt like normal people – I hurt so much more- I can’t let them go and in many ways I refuse to let them go. Cancer may haunt me, but I will be damned if I will let it define me…I am trying so hard each and every day not to let my health define me nor change my life drastically. I sometimes lose that battle. I struggle to regain some normalcy. Many people just don’t get me nor can understand my choices. And that is okay. I get it. And that is all that should matter. I sadly don’t think many people realize how words can affect other people.

Words can be so brutal. Sometimes I just feel lost, helpless. I try so hard to just smile through all. I just wish more people could think before speaking, writing. We all should guard our words better. Words once spoken, can’t be unspoken. We just can’t take them back. Even if it was a joke, even if you were being curious; your words can be hurtful, brutal and may stay with the other person forever. It’s better to be silent than to be an idiot. For the most part, I believe that people don’t mean to be cruel, they just don’t fully comprehend all.

I have been sickly since I was born. So I have tried really hard to not take my health nor the days of my life for granted. I sadly see so many people who just think they are invincible. Some of my friends eat right, they exercise, and they still think disease or accidents can’t reach their lives. I just want to scream sometimes. I just want to yell, “don’t take your health for granted….don’t put things off…tomorrow may never get here…”.

Sigh….tired. Tomorrow will be a long day for my family. So many doctors, so little time. Aye, so I wasn’t blessed with good health. I have teeth that I’m lucky are still (mostly) there. I have hair that I’m lucky hasn’t all fallen out. I have a body that has been beaten and broken many times over by something I’ll never fully understand. And for a time, I really thought that was all there was. But, I’m a fighter and have decided early on that this wasn’t how my story will end.

Me….screaming…appreciate, don’t take the little things for granted…Live each day…live deliciously!

pray


The Last….action….

Just finished watching the movie, “The Last Kiss”, with Zach Braff.

In the movie, Zach’s character, afraid and immature, makes a mistake and then apologizes to his girlfriend and to her dad. He says he’s sorry, and reassures them that he loves her. The dad looks him in the eye and says the best line of the movie that truly hits home:

“Stop talking about love. Every asshole in the world says he loves somebody. It means nothing. It still doesn’t mean anything. What you feel only matters to you. It’s what you do to the people you say you love, that’s what matters. It’s the only thing that counts.”

Actions!! Actions will always speak louder than words.

There is so much truth behind the line “What you feel only matters to you.” Think about it. What really counts is how we behave in the world, and sadly sometimes our actions do not measure up to our words. They can be out of sync. Our feelings or beliefs don’t make us better people, they don’t truly define who we are. Our actions and behavior do! I wish we could stop caring so much about what others believe; I wish we could stop trying to follow others in their beliefs; I wish more people who could just focus more on how to act accordingly in the every day moments. And understand that every action has a reaction.

Great music soundtrack. I love the group Coldplay and this song just resonates with me today….

When The Truth Is, I Miss You
Yeah The Truth Is, That I Miss You So
And I’m Tired I Should Not Have Let You Go ♥


Sending a question out into the universe…why does an “ex” contact me every three months???

I wonder how many people out there in the world have had to deal with an ex contacting them after months of no contact…

I met this man when I was first separated, going through a messy divorce, unemployed, and we began to casually date for a few months – we didn’t meet each other’s friends, nor family.   We didn’t chat on the phone every night.  I thought it was all on me that we didn’t progress into something more stable or serious.   For one, I am not one for talking on the phone much.  I was going through a divorce and looking for work – so I thought I had too much going on to really include someone in my life.  We decided we were both looking for different things and went our merry way.  At least that is what I thought.  After the first time we decided to no longer date, he reached out to me after two months, then we would go out for a drink and then after a day, I would remember why we stopped seeing each other.  This behavior went on for a year.  I thought it was me being hard on him for not giving him a chance but then I realized it was really him who was so selfish and self-absorbed, and needed some kind of reaffirmation that I was still thinking of him after a couple of months.  So after one particularly frustrating time, I blocked him from calling and texting me.  Deleted him from Facebook.  We had no real reason to stay connected – no mutual friends, no familiar haunts.  But since a block on a cell only last a few months (who knew?!), a text from him came through to me yet again, and I foolishly agreed to meet up since he wanted my opinion on a math lesson he was planning for a Parent’s Night.  After meeting for drinks, he called me almost everyday for a week and wanted to get together and on the dates he suggested, I was not available.  So he thought I was blowing him off and I thought he was being selfish.  Yes.  This has been our cycle.  I have no real desire to date him.  I don’t dislike him so I thought we could be strictly friends.  But when he doesn’t get his way, I have to deal with a barrage of insults that range from my being incapable of being in a relationship,  to committing, not being a good friend, then he contradicted himself once and said I was too needy.  I don’t know anymore what he wants, or expects from me.  Every time I ask, I hear only silence and the echo of my words.  I am content in not speaking to him.  But for some reason he doesn’t let me fully go.  We chatted a bit for the holidays.  Then his birthday in January.  Then nothing.  March comes around, my birthday passes, nothing.  And I am okay with this.  Then yesterday of all days, I get a text from him, wanting to know what’s new, he is thinking of me, etc.  I chose to ignore.  But no, he wouldn’t let it go – this morning yet another text – this one more abrasive, “Ummm…silence from you is daunting”…seriously…I chose not to ignore.  Silly me!  I politely (I swear, we can be polite via text), ask him to stop this 2/3 check in of his, inane behavior and leave me alone…but my wish was not granted, he sent me another text just recently but I am willfully ignoring.  Childish?  Perhaps.  I just truly do not want to deal with any unnecessary drama.

If anyone out there has any advice, please send my way.  I am tired of this going back and forth.  This is my year to be true to myself and I am finding it hard to stay nice sometimes to people like him who just don’t get the message and stay away.


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