I knew good things were going to happen this weekend…:-) Sunshine Sunday!
The weather has been absolutely gorgeous. Re-connecting with one of my sisters and getting to spend quality time with my niece has been the saving grace, I have been looking for. See wishes do come true. I even went to see two, yes not one, but two movies at the theater yesterday. I haven’t really been to the movies in months. Forgot how much I miss it.
And walking out of my support group this morning, I was just feeling so optimistic. Life really can be good…
I love that feeling. You know, the one you get when you take a deep breath and suddenly everything feels like it’s going to be okay. Just when you are hopeless as can be, and life is going nowhere, there’s those moments we have every now and then where we just stop and we get this feeling, that can’t be described, but you just know… you just feel like everything really is going to be okay. Like the world stopped spinning for a second, and everything was clear. I had a few of these moments this weekend. I need more of those moments.
There’s that one moment, the moment when you’ve figured out how much you’ve really let go, and how much you’ve grown. It’s that moment when you can’t look back, yet you can’t seem to look too far into the future. It’s that moment when you realize you’re living for yourself and no one else…yay!
I think I am lucky despite all the hurt and heartache I have experienced and still keep having to battle so many things. I am lucky because I have learned so much. Some people go through hardships and just get bitter and can’t move forward. I have changed, and realized maybe things do happen for a reason. Maybe they don’t. But no matter what, they still happen. That’s what we need to remember. I learned to stop analyzing things so much, to just let them happen. And if I get hurt, or if something bad happens, there’s nothing I can do to change that. I’ve learned to go with my gut, and that it’s okay to make mistakes because the ones that matter won’t care. I’ve learned that love really is as great as they say it is. I’ve learned that your friends can save you from your worst enemy: yourself. And most importantly, I’ve learned that today is all we have.
When I look in the mirror, I see a lady who’s been through so much and yet still finds a way to smile at the past. She still loves with all her heart, or what’s left of it, and when you see her walk down the street I can guarantee you she’ll have her head up high, faking a smile just one last time at all those who try to break her but never will…yes that is who I see in the mirror….most days…today is one of those days!
I’m the kind of woman who is quiet in large groups or around people I don’t know; you only see the real me if we’re close. I smile and laugh a lot, especially at the most inappropriate times. I’m a hopeless romantic. I trip over air, up stairs, and over people’s feet – which explains my three broken toes and sprained ankle. I am the hardest person to offend, but it is all too easy to make me feel horrible. Too sensitive most times. I hate telling people about my problems; they don’t need to worry about me. I don’t want their pity. I’m the one who listens to other people’s problems. I believe people should not be judged before one takes the time to get to know them…and not even then. I love to think rather than talk. I’m awkward, clumsy, shy, quirky… but this is me. Take it or leave it.
As you get older, you stop being scared of the dark. You realize the dark is just the dark…and night lights work just fine. 😉 But you also become scared of other things, people themselves. You learn that not everyone wants to see you succeed nor happy. You become aware of people’s underlying intentions and selfish actions. And the monsters you used to check for under your bed at night, don’t even compare to some of the things people do. This makes me sad.
People, me included these days, are always talking about how hard it is to find a good man, but nowadays it’s hard to even find a good person. It’s so hard to just find a person to talk to, someone who will just listen and not judge, someone who will just take you as you are. This is why I joined my support group. There’s a story behind everything. How a picture got on a wall, how a scar got on your face. Sometimes the stories are simple, and sometimes they are hard and heartbreaking. So I listen, I learn, I appreciate, and I hope…
Sometimes you just need someone. Someone to make you smile when you’re sad, to tell you that you’re beautiful. Someone to look forward to seeing you everyday. Someone to call you every night just to say I love you and mean it. Yes, I know that my someone is just around the corner…
I have been ‘accused’ of living in a fantasy and looking for something that doesn’t exist. But I disagree. I have had the fairy tale once before so I know it’s out there again – as I long as I stop settling for the wrong people. I think we’re all just looking for someone who makes every love song, romantic comedy and fairy tale seem relatable. We’re not really looking for a prince or a princess, or exactly for the person who chases us down to the airport before we leave for somewhere and confess their love to us and say we can’t leave. We’re not looking for someone who makes every song on the radio seem like it was written for them, we’re just looking for someone who when we watch these movies, hear these songs, read these fairy tales, we can sit back and say, “I know the feeling.” Yes!