With the New Year here, comes the annual New Year’s resolutions….I have never been a big fan of resolutions…more a fan of setting goals. So, some of my goals for 2014 are some of the same I set for 2013 but was sidetracked when I got hit by a car in January…one, is to learn more about wine. Physical health goals include: eat healthier somehow; lose weight to feel better, tone up; dare to wear a bikini this coming summer; start walking more again. Career goals: I want to get my PMP. Look for a better, more challenging job; earn more money.
And for the more emotional goals…I will continue to be more selfish, putting myself first, loving myself. Seek out more like-minded people. Be more confident. I want to get over my anxiety of walking, falling, breaking bones…I want to be able to cross the street where I got hit by a car…and not panic. I want to be more brave.
My love relationship goals seem the most elusive to me, somehow. Last night, as it neared midnight and the ball was about to descend upon Times Square, I looked around and that special someone to kiss was nowhere to be found. *sigh* And my initial thoughts were, “Alone again this year”. Then my little Chili dog, just licked my face and I found myself smiling through my tears. There will always be a smile…
If your life wasn’t what you thought it would be in 2013, don’t despair. Too often, we feel pressured to have our lives in perfect order on New Year’s Eve / Day, complete with a killer sparkly sequined dress at an over-hyped party and someone to kiss at midnight. When the fireworks don’t go off as planned, we’re left feeling unsatisfied and disappointed. But this is not what ringing in a new year is all about. Instead, it’s a time for renewal, rebirth and new beginnings.
I found myself single on New Year’s Eve, still disillusioned from a broken engagement last year and dating woes…I was drained of all my emotional energy and completely disconnected from myself. I know I need a new beginning and a new relationship – with myself and eventually, a new boyfriend. Obsessing over what went wrong and forever mourning my failed relationships only make me feel depressed, not motivated to move on. So instead, I wrote myself a list of goals based upon the lessons I have learned.
My writing and my lists help me remember where I’ve been, what I continue to learn… I know all too well how resilient I can be and what I want (and don’t want) for my future.
I know in order to move forward in 2014, I must find more ways to empty my heart and soul of all the negative energy from all of my relationships – family, friends and love -passed. I am starting this New Year, trying not to lament over things gone wrong, taking each set back as a lesson learned, opening my eyes with a fresh, positive outlook and an open heart to welcome all that the New Year has to offer.
I still believe in love…The message from the one of the classic children’s books Polar Express was simple: believe. No matter how old you are or how many times you have to start over, we must believe that love is out there and that we are deserving of it. I will stay open to love. We all have a list of qualities we’re looking for in someone, but I am working on not ruling someone out just because they don’t match up to all on my checklist. We may miss out on something better than you could have imagined or asked for on a list. Rip up the checklist, the pros and cons list. Yes, life is short…there’s only so much time we can spend analyzing whether or not that person is the one. Instead, follow your heart but also listen to your instincts.
This year, I vow to guard my heart better. The past few years, I find myself drawn to relationships with men who are unstable or treat me poorly. I am no longer allowing it nor make excuses for them. Now that I am learning how to walk gain, soon I will be able to run the other way and protect my heart from those who will harm me.
I am more than ever really determined to continue to love myself and put myself first. We’ve all heard that you can’t love anyone unless you love yourself. This is true. If you’re not taking care of your own physical, emotional or mental needs, you won’t be able to devote yourself to a healthy, loving relationship. FACT!! It’s kind of like a flight attendant’s emergency instructions. You need to put on an oxygen mask on yourself first before you tend to everyone else.
I have to learn how to nor be so codependent. I am learning that if I want to find a healthy relationship, I have to work on not being their caretaker. Need to stop mothering people who are grown, capable adults, people who are only using me to their advantage at their expense or people who don’t really care about me. Learning to redirect, use my energy to start taking care of myself.
Learning how not to take rejection personally. When people judge or criticize you, don’t take it to heart. Instead, ask yourself, does their opinion really matter to me? And more often than not, the answer will be no! Is there merit to what they’re saying and is there something I need to work on? Life’s too short to care about what other people think about you.
Don’t expect perfection from others — or yourself. I have been working on this for a long time…I understand, there’s no such thing as perfection, so don’t expect or demand it from yourself or anyone else in your life. Even if you know you could do better for yourself, or someone or something disappoints you, remember that no one, not even you, can do everything perfectly. Learn to let it go…somehow.
Determined to set real boundaries. Sometimes, we want to do it all but there are not enough hours in the day. If we try to do too much for the people we love, we could be left feeling drained and overwhelmed. I learned this the hard way last year. I have always been the first one to drop all for someone in need. When I had my accident, I realized how alone I really was. How hurt and frustrating it was when I couldn’t get dressed, walk my dog…but no one stepped up and offered to help me, especially those first few weeks. Setting boundaries in your life and your relationships is not only healthy, but it’s necessary. Learning to say the word ‘no’.
Be patient with yourself. This is hard…since I tend to feel lost, defeated…when I can’t reach my goal. But as they say, “It’s not about the destination, it’s about the journey”. Ever just find yourself rushing and then wonder how, why things crash and burn?! Learning to appreciate the path so that I don’t miss what it’s trying to tell me. Ears and eyes wide open.
Determined to accept my own friendship. Let’s all try talking to ourselves as you would a friend. You’d never really tell a friend that they’re not good enough, pretty enough or smart enough to be loved, so why would you talk to yourself that way?! Be kind to yourself. This goes back to putting ourselves first!
I will remain hopeful…I have proven that I can weather whatever storm comes my way because I keep hope in my soul. Grace in my step. Love in my heart.
And will continue to do so….♥