Category Archives: Forever

The Edge of Forever

It’s my Hallmark’s Signed, Sealed Delivered marathon Saturday!  Just finished watching episode 5: The Edge of Forever.  As a mother’s last wish is to unite her daughters after her death is realized by words in a letter.  Part of the letter is read aloud: “A treasure waits for you to find, but only if you leave behind whatever each has in her heart that kept two sisters so long apart.”

Story of love, family, forgiveness, respect and moving on …  and the power of heartfelt words.

The final lines of the letter implore the two sisters to disperse their mother’s ashes together; to take the hike they never got to and find the edge of forever. As the sisters walk through the forest they come upon a breathtaking clearing where mountains rise above the valley. As the sisters open the urn and prepare to disperse the ashes, they realize they should say a prayer. Shane looks to Oliver, saying as a man of faith he would be the perfect person to deliver a final prayer. As the two sisters join hands and disperse their mother’s ashes, Oliver speaks:

“Whenever I have sorrow, Whenever clouds arise, when songs give place to sighing, when hope within me dies, I draw the closer to Him, from care He sets me free; His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me. His eye is on the sparrow and I know… He watches me.”

What beautiful words … finding hope and comfort with faith in God in any given situation … yes, we must keep doing so.  Timing is everything.  Trying to remember that God walks with me … with grace in my step and hope in my heart.

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Missing my corner of quiet …

Came across the work of Beau Taplin, and immediately felt it was written for me, by me. I’m not sure if it’s because I relate, or if I’m just good at feeling through words, but this quote went straight through me. When I read the words “a small quiet place” I felt pain in my heart. I just love this quote so much. Beautifully written. Missing my forever heart. Always ♡

“There’s a corner of my heart that is yours. And I don’t mean for now, or until I’ve found somebody else, I mean forever. I mean to say that whether I fall in love a thousand times over or once or never again, there’ll always be a small quiet place in my heart that belongs only to you.”

– Beau Taplin || T h e  C o r n e r  


Lifetime connections …

When connections are real, they simply never die. They can be buried, or ignored or walked away from, but never broken. If you’ve deeply resonated with another person or place, the connection remains despite any distance, time, situation, lack of presence, or circumstance. If you’re doubtful then just try it – go and revisit a person or place and see if there’s any sense at all of the space between now and then.

If it was truly real, you’ll be instantly swept back into the moment it was before it left- during the same year and place with the same wonder and hope, comfort and heartbeat. Real connections live on forever.

“I wish I had done everything on earth with you … ” F. Scott Fitzgerald

♡mm♡


I know I will see you again …

I get so more melancholy and turn more quietly inward – especially between August through September. I have lost so many people I truly loved. For the past 13 years, I dread today. I dread the anniversary and the repeated replays of the planes, the impacts, the fireballs and the collapsing towers.

It truly is like ripping off a Band-Aid … but my heart feels this open wound. Today, 13 years ago, I lost four true friends, one my irreplaceable heart, my soul mate.

The days will always be brighter because he existed. The nights will always be darker because he’s gone. And no matter what anybody says about grief, and about time healing all wounds, the truth is, there are certain sorrows that never fade away until the heart stops beating and the last breath is taken. Always my heart ♥mm♥ …(Excerpt from Tiffanie DeBartolo, God-Shaped Hole)

I have come to realize that destiny can hurt a person as much as it can bless them, and I find myself wondering why – out of all the people in all the world I could ever have loved – I had to fall in love with someone who was taken away from me.

One day he was there and then all of a sudden, he is gone. There’s less of him each passing year. And you wonder where that part went – if it’s living somewhere, outside of you, and you keep thinking maybe you’ll get it back. And then you realize…it’s just gone.

Many say it’s easier to burn than to build; many say it’s easier to hurt than to heal…But I say you lose when you give up what you love…And I’ve lived my life without that long enough.

I hold pieces of him; I hold them so tight that they eventually become pieces of myself that am still learning to grow from but never away from. I hold onto them so tight that they eventually become the only pieces that can hold my shaky bones together. They become the only pieces that can keep this broken heart of mine held together…

Have you ever thought that if one thing hadn’t happened, a whole set of things never would have either? Like dominoes in time, a single event kicked off an unstoppable series of changes that gained momentum and spun out of control, and nothing was ever the same again. Don’t ever doubt that a mere second can change your life forever. It can. It has. Everything does really happen for a reason.

I’ve got no more illusions…I know I’ll see you again…but for today, I am allowing myself to fully experience the full impact of my loss. Grieving all over again. Grief…I am following it, crying when I want to, yelling at God, screaming into my pillow, and avoiding most people and definitely the news.

Grief is itself the only medicine I need right now. And anyone who doesn’t understand this or who can’t accept, stay away from me. So fake better stay away from me.

“After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul. You learn that kisses aren’t contracts and presents aren’t promises. You learn that loving doesn’t mean leaning and company doesn’t always mean security, and you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much. After a while you learn to build all your dreams on today because tomorrows ground is too uncertain for dreams, and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight. After a while you learn to accept your defeats with your head held with the grace of a woman and not the grief of a child. After a while you learn to plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone else to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really are strong, that you really do have self worth, and you can endure, and you learn and learn, with every “goodbye” you learn…” (Veronica A. Shoffstall)

“I am not the happiest person. In fact, in the battle between joy and misery, I’d say that the latter often seems to prevail. I don’t like this, and every day I refuse, for the eighty millionth time, to put up with another minute of it. But the world does what it does, and I often find it disagreeable. After all these years, I’m kind of resigned to that. But I do have one thing on my side: I have enormous faith. And hope. I am not speaking of the kind you find in church or in the afterlife or in heaven or in the Saint James Bible or in the Hare Krishna’s that we all encounter changing flights in the airports of the world, I am speaking of a simple faith that says that one way or another, no matter how many times I stumble and stub my big toe, somehow life is going to work itself out.” (Elizabeth Wurtzel)

candles


Still hear my heart breaking…

Just observed the first moment of silence today…stood still, my vision blurring, and in that moment, I heard my heart break…all over again.

My friends try so hard…and I am forever grateful to them. As much as I appreciate all the usual words of comfort, I need to surrender to my grief…and people should respect that we all grieve in different ways. I don’t need pithy sayings, I need space. I need understanding and acceptance. Claiming my grief…

My friend shared this earlier today: “There is a saying in Tibetan, ‘Tragedy should be utilized as a source of strength.’ No matter what sort of difficulties, how painful experience is, if we lose our hope, that’s our real disaster.” – Dalai Lama XIV

And I am trying to take my sadness and keep moving forward. But I can’t pretend….and ignore the sounds of my heart…with each break, each tear, I lose a part of me…still. I continue to smile through my tears, embracing change, embracing life’s setbacks, remaining compassionate, finding strength in places, people…holding onto hope.

Second moment of silence…

Thinking of all the bravery… grieving all I need to, letting it take over until I find that small inner space I call peace, never discounting the love of your friends….trying….

In honor of today, September 11th and National Suicide Prevention Week…faith, hope, love…

As I remind myself…Always remember even on our weakest days we get a little bit stronger…And we learn that we really are strong, that we really do have self worth, and we can endure, and we learn and learn, with every “goodbye” we learn…

♥mm♥


Have a day you have!

My Saturday night movie of choice…”The Odd Life of Timothy Green”…♥

Love the sound track as well…one of my newest fav songs:

“This Gift”

This gift will last forever
This gift will never let you down
Some things are made from better stuff
This gift is waiting to be found

Your heart’s in wide receiving
Been too long buried in the sand
Some things require leaving
This gift will fall right in your hand
Just try to understand…

If you long enough
And you don’t give up
If you’re strong enough
And you don’t give up
And you…

You’ll be no harbor to the sorrow
Just let it go.

Don’t hang your head in sorrow
Don’t give up just before you win
Don’t wait around for tomorrow
Open up your arms and let it in

This gift will last forever
This gift will never let you down
Some things are made from better stuff
This gift is ready to be found
Just you believe it now

This gift will last forever
This gift will never let you down
Some things are made from better stuff
This gift is ready to be found
Your heart’s in wide receiving
Been too long buried in the sand
Some things require believing
These things just fall right in your hand
Just try to understand

If you long enough
And you don’t give up
If you’re strong enough
And you don’t give up …


Waiting for MY forever…♥

It’s been the longest short week already…today, working from home, watching movies.

Anyone see the movie, “Waiting for Forever”?  Love the character, Will Donner, played by Tom Sturridge.  So young, so soulfully beautiful!!

“I am imagining a day…where I get up…and I know that I will not see you…because you’re far away. Okay? I will not see you. No chance. Will not. And now I’m imagining a day, when I get up, and I know that I might see you. Okay? Might. Could. Maybe.  Of those two days, that’s the day I want, that’s the day I choose. And how can one step away from you…ever be anything for me but a step in the wrong direction? How?”

What happens when one person is more committed to a friendship, relationship than the other?  When one is invested more than the other?  What happens when one person never stops thinking that another person is the most important person in their life; yet the other person is unaware?  What happens when one person believes them both to be forever linked?

I strongly believe love doesn’t hurt.  Love is never really the problem.  Don’t blame love if a failed relationship interfered with your other important relationships, or robbed you of your self-esteem and personal freedoms.  No, don’t blame love.  For it wasn’t love that stole from you.  It was possession.  It was obsession.  It was manipulation.  It was confusion.  It was dishonesty.  It was immaturity.  Love had nothing to do with your situation.  For love doesn’t close the door against all that is good.  It opens it wide to let more goodness in.  Love creates freedom and abundance.

 

I strongly believe forgiveness is always the right choice. Anyone can hold a grudge, but it takes a special person with strong character to forgive.  When you forgive, you release yourself from a painful burden.  And no, forgiveness doesn’t mean what happened was OK; and it doesn’t mean that person should still be welcome in your life.  It simply means you have made peace with the pain, and are ready to let it go and move on with your life.

Love requires three things: acceptance, honesty, and commitment.  Love comes when you care more about who the other person really is, rather than about who you think they should become.  It’s about daring to reveal yourself honestly, and daring to be open and vulnerable over the long-term.  It’s about sticking by each other’s side through thick and thin, and truly being there in the flesh and spirit when you’re needed most.  Remember, the most romantic love story is not Romeo and Juliet who died young together; it’s the story of grandma and grandpa who helped each other through life, and grew old together.  I am still waiting on my 50 year forever.

I strongly believe a big part of who we are is connected to who we choose to surround ourselves with. Fate controls who walks into your life, but you decide who you let walk out, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go.  Surround yourself with people who make you a better person, and let go of those who don’t.

A soul mate is a person who brings out the best in you.  They are far from perfect, but they are a perfect fit for you.  Remember, every relationship has its problems, but what makes it perfect is when you wouldn’t want to be anywhere else, even when times are tough.  I met my soul mate many eons ago, but he was taken way too early from me.  I ask myself all of the time, Am I lucky enough to find another soul mate??  Waiting for my forever…♥


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