Category Archives: fire

I know I will see you again …

I get so more melancholy and turn more quietly inward – especially between August through September. I have lost so many people I truly loved. For the past 13 years, I dread today. I dread the anniversary and the repeated replays of the planes, the impacts, the fireballs and the collapsing towers.

It truly is like ripping off a Band-Aid … but my heart feels this open wound. Today, 13 years ago, I lost four true friends, one my irreplaceable heart, my soul mate.

The days will always be brighter because he existed. The nights will always be darker because he’s gone. And no matter what anybody says about grief, and about time healing all wounds, the truth is, there are certain sorrows that never fade away until the heart stops beating and the last breath is taken. Always my heart ♥mm♥ …(Excerpt from Tiffanie DeBartolo, God-Shaped Hole)

I have come to realize that destiny can hurt a person as much as it can bless them, and I find myself wondering why – out of all the people in all the world I could ever have loved – I had to fall in love with someone who was taken away from me.

One day he was there and then all of a sudden, he is gone. There’s less of him each passing year. And you wonder where that part went – if it’s living somewhere, outside of you, and you keep thinking maybe you’ll get it back. And then you realize…it’s just gone.

Many say it’s easier to burn than to build; many say it’s easier to hurt than to heal…But I say you lose when you give up what you love…And I’ve lived my life without that long enough.

I hold pieces of him; I hold them so tight that they eventually become pieces of myself that am still learning to grow from but never away from. I hold onto them so tight that they eventually become the only pieces that can hold my shaky bones together. They become the only pieces that can keep this broken heart of mine held together…

Have you ever thought that if one thing hadn’t happened, a whole set of things never would have either? Like dominoes in time, a single event kicked off an unstoppable series of changes that gained momentum and spun out of control, and nothing was ever the same again. Don’t ever doubt that a mere second can change your life forever. It can. It has. Everything does really happen for a reason.

I’ve got no more illusions…I know I’ll see you again…but for today, I am allowing myself to fully experience the full impact of my loss. Grieving all over again. Grief…I am following it, crying when I want to, yelling at God, screaming into my pillow, and avoiding most people and definitely the news.

Grief is itself the only medicine I need right now. And anyone who doesn’t understand this or who can’t accept, stay away from me. So fake better stay away from me.

“After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul. You learn that kisses aren’t contracts and presents aren’t promises. You learn that loving doesn’t mean leaning and company doesn’t always mean security, and you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much. After a while you learn to build all your dreams on today because tomorrows ground is too uncertain for dreams, and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight. After a while you learn to accept your defeats with your head held with the grace of a woman and not the grief of a child. After a while you learn to plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone else to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really are strong, that you really do have self worth, and you can endure, and you learn and learn, with every “goodbye” you learn…” (Veronica A. Shoffstall)

“I am not the happiest person. In fact, in the battle between joy and misery, I’d say that the latter often seems to prevail. I don’t like this, and every day I refuse, for the eighty millionth time, to put up with another minute of it. But the world does what it does, and I often find it disagreeable. After all these years, I’m kind of resigned to that. But I do have one thing on my side: I have enormous faith. And hope. I am not speaking of the kind you find in church or in the afterlife or in heaven or in the Saint James Bible or in the Hare Krishna’s that we all encounter changing flights in the airports of the world, I am speaking of a simple faith that says that one way or another, no matter how many times I stumble and stub my big toe, somehow life is going to work itself out.” (Elizabeth Wurtzel)

candles


Where are you….♥

“Well, sometimes love seems easy. Like… it’s easy to love rain… and hawks. And it’s easy to love wild plums… and the moon. But with people, seems like love’s a hard thing to know. It gets all mixed up. I mean, you can love one person in one way and another person in another way. But how do you know you love the right one in every way?”

“I’m not sure, but I think you’ll know. I think if it’s the right person, it’ll be better than rain and hawks and wild plums. Even better than the moon. I think it’ll be better than all that put together.” ― Billie Letts, Where the Heart Is

There you are in the early light of day
There you are in the quiet words I pray
I’ve been blessed by the simple happiness
Of the perfect love we’ve made

Every time I turn around
When I’m lost and when I’m found
Like an angel standing guard
There you are

Every time I take a breath
And when I forget to breathe
You’re watching over me
There you are

When I’m looking for the light
In the middle of the night
Searching for the brightest star
There you are

There you are standing in a crowded room
There you are the earth and I’m the moon
My desire is to stand by the fire
That burns inside of you

Every time I turn around
When I’m lost and when I’m found
Like an angel standing guard
There you are

Every time I take a breath
And when I forget to breathe
You’re watching over me
There you are

When I’m looking for the light
In the middle of the night
Searching for the brightest star
There you are

When I’m looking for the light
In the middle of the night
Searching for the brightest star
There you are, there you are
There you are


There’s no smoke without fire…

Why do people cheat??   And I mean cheat on their partners – not on their taxes…

When I was engaged to the love of my life, thoughts of other people, didn’t even cross my mind, Hugh Jackman could have tried to seduce me, and as flattered as I would have been, I would have smiled, and walked away.  But when I married one of my closest friends, I have to admit I took many glances at others, but even then I remained faithful, and semi-unhappy in a non-passionate marriage.  Now that I am divorced and looking for love again, I find that many people cheat – and we are older now, in our 40’s and 50’s.  I just don’t quite understand.

I have tried talking about this to my friends, to people who cheat.  But unfortunately, they haven’t been able to give me a  clear-cut answer, maybe there isn’t one.  I don’t know.

We spent a lot of time talking about the consequences if they get caught.   You really need to consider the worst-case scenario: Your partner finds out and is brokenhearted – Ask yourself, is it worth it?

You need to truly ask yourself why are you doing this, going behind their back and meeting up with someone else…To me, cheating is a choice…looking for attention, looking to find a new spark, instead of rediscovering it at home…maybe it isn’t this simple.  I admit, I do not know.

Many of my friends, acquaintances – have provided the following reasons for cheating, for stepping out of their marriage, relationship:

  • Boredom
  • Thrill of the unknown
  • She/he has changed
  • Feelings of neglect
  • Failure to communicate leads to less intimacy
  • Lack of emotional and relationship satisfaction
  • She/he nags too much
  • You are both leading parallel lives, doing things separately
  • Wanderlust – compelled to break from your daily routine
  • Passion has fizzled, need/want something new, different, exciting
  • She/he crave sexual “variety”
  • Ego needs a boost, need extra affirmation that you still got it…

Sex and love mean different things to many people which may lead them to cheat guilt free.  If someone experiences guilt, it is most likely not about the sex, but about the consequences…will the lover kiss and tell?  Will the partner find out?

Still….why do people cheat??

“We’re only monogamous because we realize that love and friendship are more important than getting laid,”

If I’d known you were cheating me,

I would have saved myself and set you free.

If I learned you weren’t the loving kind,

I would have saved some peace of mind.
My friends told me you would break my heart,

And never last, we would surely part.
There’s no smoke without fire,

Baby, baby you’re a liar.
People talk in this little town,

Rumors keep spreading all around.

And now word has it you’ve been foolin’ me,

I’m so blind that I cannot see.
My friends told me never to believe in you,

You never loved me you were never true

There’s no smoke without fire,

Baby, baby you’re a liar.
No there’s no smoke without fire.

Baby, baby you’re a liar.

You’re a liar

You’re a liar

You’re a liar

Baby you’re a liar.
There’s no light without a flame,

There’s no use in having you to blame.
No…There’s no smoke without fire.

Baby, baby you’re a liar.

You’re a liar…


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