Well I am trying to be more social again and start dating …yes trying again to put myself out there and be open minded. Agreed to meet a nice looking, age appropriate man for coffee. The night before we talked on the phone for three hours…yes, 3 hours! We talked about so much even politics. It was refreshing. So when we meet today – conversation is easy. He is a great listener as well as a good speaker. Bur we talked about work, skills – more professional than personal. There was no romantic spark. And I find myself home, writing this post, feeling a little sad. On paper he fits all my criteria – he is dark-haired and handsome. He is employed. He is Christian. He believes in family.
But I touched his hand … and nothing. We chastely kissed at the door – I felt nothing. Well, ironically there was jolt of static cling electricity but not a true chemical spark. So no spark, now what??
Now I am tired of all my friends saying I am too picky, or I don’t give men a chance. But how long do you wait for the spark to develop? How long should you give to see if there is true chemistry? I am mature and intelligent enough to understand that sparks are usually temporary and they don’t normally last. Compatibility lasts. Logic. But I have lived too many years without true love and passion. Don’t I deserve it? Don’t I deserve the butterflies? Don’t I deserve to feel that zing, that unexplained must-have chemistry, pure magic?? Do I have to settle? No I refuse to settle. I need to feel that spark. Soon! I totally accept that love at first sight is beyond rare. I need to accept that we may need to allow for the slow burn of attraction, let our first meeting date jitters to pass and try to get to know each other.
The guy I met today is into the gym and working out hard, faithfully and is very physically, outdoorsy active. I am more a home body and I have let myself go a little sideways, struggling with weight, body image issues, hitting 50 and pre-menopausal. So maybe he wasn’t physically attracted to me hence no spark. I don’t know. Maybe I don’t care too much right not to learn otherwise. Maybe he has zero boyfriend potential; maybe he is indeed just a nice guy. Perhaps there isn’t enough chemistry for a relationship. But seriously how many ‘dates’ do I need to go on to find out??
I will try harder to keep from closing off. I just don’t want to be that girl – every man’s buddy – where they think I am a great lady, we talk for hours, laugh, but they use me as sounding board. They want to hang out, talk about their job, family and dating woes, ask for advice but ultimately there is no shared attraction, no sexual interest. No passion.
So we didn’t make plans to meet up again, but we did text already tonight when he got home. Maybe we will just be friendly. I don’t know. I would go out with him again though if asked. I think it’s rare to know whether we have real dating potential with someone after only a few hours. I do enjoy conversing with him. He has a great phone voice as well. Easy on the eyes, yes. Who knows….
So as much as I didn’t get that instant overwhelming attraction to him, we still got along. Time will tell I guess.
Remaining positive … with hope in my heart and grace in my step … learning how to sashay.