Category Archives: Dreams

My Last Day …

Have been having a terribly long stint of insomnia lately but I have been resting, laying in bed listening to music and prone dancing – yes just made that up.

Heard this beautiful song last in the wee hours of today.  The English lyrics have been translated below – but as most of us know, direct translation never captures the same meaning.  It’s a beautifully stirring song.

As if it were my last day,
I’m going to live with a sincere love
And show those close to me how much I love them.

As if it were my last day,
I’m going to fight for my dreams,
Living without fear and treasuring every minute.
I’m not going to wait until tomorrow because all I have is the present.

If there wasn’t much time, I would stay and take a moment
To show you that I love you and that I am fully content that I have you.
And if your joy depended on me, I would give everything I can to you to make this day the best day in our life.

If this was my last chance to look at you again,
I would make this moment the most important in your memory,
Because in the times of difficulty and stress of this life, we miss the details we later wish we could remember.
And then regret that we’ve forgotten these experiences, and mourn that we cannot recreate them.

If there wasn’t much time, I would stay and take a moment
To show you that I love you and that I am fully content that I have you.
And if your joy depended on me, I would give everything I can to you,
And make this day the best day in our life.

I would enjoy all that God has given me
friends, family and love,
and I’ll make this day the best of my life.

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You Only Live Once – False!

I came across this post and had to reblog it.  Thank you Aeron Elizabeth!

You only die once!
It was meant to be funny,
but I found truth in the words.
I don’t want to just live every day.
I want to give my angels a show to enjoy!
Joyce Meyer said something cute,
“The 20 angels watching over you sure are bored to death when you
go about living each day like it’s another ordinary day.”
Exactly.
Each day is a gift.
Don’t let “The Joy Thief” steal it away!
Get up in the morning telling yourself,
I am going to make this the best day!
I am going to overflow with joy, love, happiness, excitement,
even if I just go to the grocery store!
I will not let anyone steal my joy!
We have only ONE life to live!
Every day is another chance to give it all you got!
Living, breathing, going after your dreams, making a difference!
Find the beauty in each day.
It will become a habit.
Make your angels dance for joy.
Give them a show.
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Here Without You

So it’s been a relatively lazy Sunday and this evening has found me online flirting and this one guy reminded me about this song that I love … almost forget how much I love it …  and how much I miss my forever heart …  Ah the power of music!

 

A hundred days have made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face.
A thousand lies have made me colder
And I don’t think I can look at this the same.
All the miles that separate
Disappear now when I’m dreamin’ of your face.

I’m here without you baby
But you’re still on my lonely mind.
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time.
I’m here without you baby
But you’re still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl, it’s only you and me.

The miles just keep rollin’
As the people leave their way to say hello
I’ve heard this life is overrated
But I hope that it gets better as we go.

I’m here without you baby
But you’re still on my lonely mind.
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time.
I’m here without you baby
But you’re still with me in my dreams
And tonight, it’s only you and me.

Everything I know, and anywhere I go,
It gets hard but it won’t take away my love.
And when the last one falls, when its all said and done.
It gets hard but it won’t take away my love.

I’m here without you baby
But you’re still on my lonely mind.
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time.
I’m here without you baby
But you’re still with me in my dreams
And tonight, it’s only you and me.

 


God’s Wake-up Call

Someone reminded me today that our pains are God’s way to awake us from slumber, inactivity.

Pain from illness can be one of the biggest wake-up calls. Pain is our wake-up call to awaken, to look deeper into ourselves, to adjust the course of our life. I believe God tries to be as gentle as possible, and only if we ignore the call does the pain get stronger. So, my pain is unbearable at times. I hide myself from the world. I know I need to try harder not to hide, disappear, hibernate. I know I need to find my smile each and every day, lighten up, eat better, and yes even exercise (yikes). But who can do any of this when we are in pain?

I came across this quote and it also serves as a reminder of a much needed wake-up call:

“Pain is a spiritual wake-up call showing you that there are oceans you have not yet explored. Step beyond the world you know. Reach for heights that you never thought possible. Go to places you have deemed off limits. This is the time to take off the shell of your past and step into the rich possibilities of your future. God does not give us dreams that we cannot fulfill. If you want to do something great with your life-whether it’s to fall madly in love, become a teacher, be a great parent-if you aspire to do something beyond what you are doing now, this is the time to begin. Trust yourself.” ― Debbie Ford, Spiritual Divorce: Divorce as a Catalyst for an Extraordinary Life

One of my favorite actors, Anthony Hopkins portrays one of my favorite writers, C. S. Lewis in the movie ‘Shadowlands’, and in more than one scene we hear “Pain is God’s megaphone to rouse a deaf world”. Lewis’ full quote:

“We can ignore even pleasure. But pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world.” ― C.S. Lewis, The Problem of Pain

I know God has a purpose for our pain, a reason for our struggles and a reward for our faithfulness. So with grace in our steps, hope in our hearts – let’s not give up!


Sad Beautiful Tragic

Sometimes you wake up and memories flood back with little provocation …then this song starts to play, and I listen to the words …yes sometimes words, how little they mean, when you’re a little too late …

Long handwritten note, deep in your pocket
Words, how little they mean, when you’re a little too late
I stood right by the tracks, your face in a locket
Good girls, hopeful they’ll be and long they will wait

We had a beautiful magic love there
What a sad beautiful tragic love affair

In dreams, I meet you in warm conversation
We both wake in lonely beds in different cities
And time, is taking its sweet time erasing you
And you’ve got your demons, and darling they all look like me

‘Cause we had a beautiful magic love there
What a sad beautiful tragic love affair

Distance, timing, breakdown, fighting
Silence, this train runs off its tracks
Kiss me, try to fix it, could you just try to listen?
Hang up, give up, for the life of us we can’t get back

A beautiful magic love there
What a sad beautiful tragic, beautiful tragic, beautiful

What we had, a beautiful magic love there
What a sad beautiful tragic love affair

We had a beautiful magic love there
What a sad beautiful tragic love affair …


Some days….

I rarely sleep but today of all days, why did I have to recall a dream? I miss my forever heart, Michael, each and every day. But some days, like today that loss is unbearable. Its been 13 years since I lost Michael. People always say time heals all wounds, loss gets less – lies! With every passing year, with every mistake I make in love, with every wrong person I allow in my life – the loss of my heart becomes greater. The memory of him, of us together is forever embedded in my thoughts and heart.

I don’t think I will ever get used to missing him, wanting to see him one more time. Sometimes, I feel myself falling in love with someone else, but a part of me never fully commits. A part of me, I forever don’t share. At times, think I have come to a good place to allow true love to find me, enter my life, accept someone else – I am reminded that they aren’t Michael. They can never measure up to him. It just hits me all over again. Its such a strong bruise to my heart. Its overwhelming how much I miss him, especially now, today.

It was so easy to be happy with him. It was so easy to just be.
I will always miss him, long for him. My desire for him and my life with him is still strong.

Its so hard lately. Going through so much. Not trusting my instincts.

I understand all too well, how forever can end in an hour, or years from now. I truly appreciate this. I try to make every day count and make every person feel special. Some days, I am taken for granted, and this can be seen as a curse. But I am not changing for anyone. Some people keep knocking me down … and I keep getting up, out of bed, putting one foot in front of the other. Some days, like today, a little sadder, a little harder. But I let my words out, my voice be heard, slowly healing my heart.

When people say get over it – really?! They have never experienced true loss. They can’t nor shouldn’t compare the depth of my despair.

I know I am strong. I am working around my loss, my grief. Many believe I just can’t move on, you know, mourn and cry and be done with it. Why should I have to?! My loss is mine. I own it. I live it. I accept it. I don’t need to forget it. It wasn’t something that was broken. My love was pure. It is pure. It’s something that happened to me. The hole in my heart, will always be there. And each and every second, I try really hard, on finding small ways, of working around it. Loving, respecting and remembering and getting on all at the same time. With grace in my step, tears in my eyes, smile on my face and hope in my heart.


Voices…

Ever hear a voice and know it was meant to whisper to you, stir your soul? I spoke to someone yesterday and knew from a simple, “hello”…that something wonderful will come of this exchange. Time will tell.

In my awake dreams…we meet, we part, you walk away from me, your back to me…so much felt, so much unsaid…maybe we can live in this silence. I won’t deny my feelings…resistance is not an option. I am a willing victim, wanting to surrender to you…always leaving me wanting more. Of you, us. Fueled by our time apart. Words unspoken. It is within the very stillness of my solitude, that I can hear my soul whispering…I sit here at home alone in my thoughts where your very essence lingers…fractions at a time.

I lost my heart a long time ago…and the pieces of its broken core have yet to mend. Maybe your first true love is the one that sticks with you because it’s the only person who will receive all of you. After that, you learn more, but most of all, no matter what, a piece of you forever remains left behind in the heart of the one you first loved – a piece no future lover could ever get, no matter what. That piece holds innocence, the belief that love really can last forever; it held true friendship and real pain; trial and error; that one kiss you’ll never forget and that night under the stars you can never get back; it holds youth and everything you thought love would be, everything that was proven wrong….but life moves forward. Hearts harden and minds get weary.

I say no more…I long for the whispers in my ear. The tingle of fingers touching. Longing…voices of the future competing with voices of the past…


Missing my ♥….

Just watched, “Autumn in New York”…and although my love wasn’t lost to me because of an illness, he was taken from me from a worse evil, terrorism.  I miss him each and every second of the day.

I’m looking for a way to feel you hold me
To feel your heart beat, just one more time
I’m reaching back, trying to touch the moment
Each precious minute that you were mine
How do you prepare,
when you love someone this way,
To let them go a little more each day?

CHORUS
The stars we put in place
The dreams we didn’t waste
The sorrows we embraced
The world belonged to you and me
The oceans that we crossed
The innocence we’ve lost
The hurting at the end
I’d go there again
cause it was beautiful
It was beautiful

Some days missing you is overwhelming
When it hits me you’re not coming back
And in my darkest hours I have wondered
Was it worth it, for the time we had?
My thoughts get kind of scattered,
but one thing I know is true
I bless the day that I found you, oh oh …

Gracias, no entendia lo que me sucedio, despues de muchos años recien hoy pude entender por que se me permitio conocer a esta persona que saco lo mejor de mi, y tengo que ser feliz por haberlo hecho….♥

 

 


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