Category Archives: Brother

Wishing my brother in heaven a very happy birthday!

♥ Happy birthday, AJ in Heaven Baby brother ♥

When I miss you most, I place my hand over my heart and its there I will find you, because even though you are out of my sight, you will never be out of my heart…baby brother. Where does the time go….he would have been 45!! My Angel in Heaven… Love you and miss you with all my heart.

This song is worth re-posting…

“It’s strange here without you
And it’s so hard to see
So brother up in heaven
Please wait up for me

Oh brother up in heaven
Please wait up for me

I still see his shadow
His laugh lingers on…”


Missing my brother….

Death leaves a heartache no one can heal; Love leaves a memory no one can steal…today marks 19 years since Heaven needed another Angel…not a day goes by without me thinking of my Brother, AJ. So many thoughts, feelings….None the more poignant or heartbreaking than the loss of then my 25 year old brother. Always….♥

We were only one year apart.
AJ was the healthy one, the athletic one.
I was the sickly one.
Yet he passed at 25 and I got to live on…without him.
From day one all we did was fight,
now all I do is fight back my tears.
We were so close.
You’re still here in my heart and mind,
still making me laugh cause your stories live on.
I hold you in a thought and I can feel you.
I feel you and this gives me strength and courage. ..

AJ


My life isn’t like a box of chocolates, its like a Nicholas Sparks book…♥

I sometimes think that Nicholas Sparks and I are living parallel lives…I have experienced such moments and feelings that he has so succinctly captured them in his writings, his books….

“You’re going to come across people in your life who will say all the right words at all the right times. But in the end, it’s always their actions you should judge them by. It’s actions, not words, that matter.”
― Nicholas Sparks, The Rescue

“You can’t live your life for other people. You’ve got to do what’s right for you, even if it hurts some people you love.”
― Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook

“Sometimes you have to be apart from people you love, but that doesn’t make you love them any less. Sometimes you love them more.”
― Nicholas Sparks, The Last Song

“It’s possible to go on, no matter how impossible it seems, and that in time, the grief . . . lessens. It may not go away completely, but after a while it’s not so overwhelming.”
― Nicholas Sparks, Dear John

“Without suffering, there’d be no compassion.”
― Nicholas Sparks, A Walk to Remember

“Dreams are always crushing when they don’t come true. But it’s the simple
dreams that are often the most painful because they seem so personal, so
reasonable, so attainable. You’re always close enough to touch, but never quite
close enough to hold and it’s enough to break your heart.”
― Nicholas Sparks, Three Weeks with My Brother

“I have faith that God will show you the answer. But you have to understand that
sometimes it takes a while to be able to recognize what God wants you to do.
That’s how it often is. God’s voice is usually nothing more than a whisper, and
you have to listen very carefully to hear it. But other times, in those rarest
of moments, the answer is obvious and rings as loud as a church bell.”
― Nicholas Sparks, The Last Song

“It happens to everyone as they grow up. You find out who you are and what you
want, and then you realize that people you’ve known forever don’t see things the
way you do. So you keep the wonderful memories, but find yourself moving on.”
― Nicholas Sparks

“He often felt that too many people lived their lives acting and pretending,
wearing masks and losing themselves in the process.”
― Nicholas Sparks, The Choice

“I have come to realize that destiny can hurt a person as much as it can bless
them, and I find myself wondering why–out of all the people in all the world I
could ever have loved–I had to fall in love with someone who was taken away
from me.”
― Nicholas Sparks, Message in a Bottle

“It’s funny, but have you ever noticed that the more special something is, the
more people seem to take it for granted? It’s like they think it won’t ever
change. Just like this house here. All it ever needed was a little attention,
and it would never have ended up like this in the first place.”
― Nicholas Sparks, The Wedding

“Theresa, I know there’s a part of you that believes you can change someone, but
the reality is that you can’t. You can change yourself, and Garrett can change
himself, but you can’t do it for him.”
― Nicholas Sparks, Message in a Bottle

“If some lives form a perfect circle, others take shape in ways we cannot predict or always understand.  Loss has been a part of my journey. But it has also shown me what is precious. So has a love for which I can only be grateful.”

― Nicholas Sparks, Message in a Bottle

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


Happy birthday, AJ!! ♥ Cha, Cha, Cha…

Happy Birthday Baby Brother . . . in Heaven.

♪♫ Happy Birthday to You, cha, cha, cha.
Happy Birthday to You, cha, cha, cha.
Happy Birthday Dear AJ
Happy Birthday to You, cha, cha, cha. ♪♫

Today is my best friend’s birthday.  My brother would have been 44 years old today.  I can never imagine you as 44 – but always as my scheming, smarty-pants, partner in crime and mischief, my protector.  He was taken from us way too soon.  I know he is having a big ‘ol party in heaven with our Dad – probably playing dominoes, drinking and eating cake.  He deserves it.  I know he must be having a blast knowing so many people love him here on earth.

Wish I could just one more time say, “Happy birthday Brother from the little sister who knew you when…and loves you still”….in person.

A lot of words unspoken, affection unexpressed.  Still, I hope you know it . . . as a brother, you were the best.

You would have loved today’s weather – sun peeking through now.   You were the first person to mention how the fall as like the spring but with leaves as flowers.  The rain has stopped, the leaves on the ground look like flowers shining bright, in the glare of the sunshine…I know that on this special day, on your birthday, God decided to send you from heaven, because earth was desperately in need of an angel.  I needed to see your smile one more time in that rainbow that was on the ground in front of our house – I even made Mami go down to see it.

I miss our all night conversations.

I miss you ironing and me cleaning.

I miss doing your homework.

I miss you teaching me how to swing a bat.

I miss us hiding out in the closet, reading aloud.

I miss our bike riding and roller blading.

I miss you always fighting my battles for me.

I miss you supporting me in all my impulsive decisions.

Most of all I miss you – your smile that could light up a room.

Give Papi a hug and save me some heavenly birthday cake.

AJ – my best friend, my only brother, my baby brother.  Death ends a life, not a relationship.   We shed tears because he is gone, but always smile because he had lived.  Those we love don’t go away, they walk beside us each and every day – unseen, unheard, but always near.  It broke my heart to lose him but he didn’t go alone – because a part of me went with him.  Missing him is knowing all about heaven and hell.  My very own Angel… always…♥

 


Missing my brother…he is my Angel…

I truly can’t believe my baby brother has been gone now for 18 years.  Seriously where does the time go?!  Today I woke up and the sun was shining and I was thinking nice, peaceful thoughts and then it just happens like it just hits me – I can’t breathe, I don’t want to get out of bed, I don’t want to see anyone. I don’t want to talk to anyone. I miss him so much. It’s so hard to lose someone you love – all the words in the world can’t take away this sadness I feel at times. But I try to live my life the best I can. I try to live my life fully for him too….he was only 25 years young, taken from us at the beginning of his prime.  So many things he didn’t get to do, or experience…so I keep that in mind as I live my life.  Life after death…I have found the will over and over again to live every day. Death…that is why I never stay mad at anyone – I imagine them dead, so it’s easier to forgive them. I believe that there is some order, some purpose to all of this. I have stopped asking why my little brother. It still hurts so much but I have accepted that it has happened and whatever the reasons, they are not for me to know. But I would be lying if I said I didn’t wish I could just hear his voice one more time…

For a long time, I thought it would be easier, better not to invest in people – they leave, they die. Scary. But now I have learned that the alternative is so much worse. I am not going to convince anyone that losing AJ has made me a better person, I sometimes still get angry, sad. And most days it hurts so much, I can’t breathe. But the thought of never having had AJ in my life – now that would have been truly unbearable.

Love you, AJ. Missing you….xo to my Angels… ♥♥


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