Category Archives: Being real

The Letter

I came across this and OMG did it ever resonate with me …. so I had to share. Thanks Leslie @IWantMyKissesBack.

Letter to the emotionally unavailable men of the world:

Dear Mr. I Have A Wall Up –

Please stop wasting my time. It is not my job to break down that wall you put after what’s her name broke your heart. I like mystery but if you give me nothing, that is all I will give you back now. I do not have time to constantly try to prove myself and ask for forgiveness foe a crime I didn’t commit. Stop waiting for Ms. Right to come along and change your whole viewpoint on women and relationships, because we’ll she doesn’t exist. You create distance between people by relying heavily on impersonal means of communication like texting. You press ignore when she calls and you are always busy but the moment she is ready to walk away you give her just enough to keep her there for just a moment longer. You were hurt and since then you refuse to open up to anyone else unless they pry information out of you by threatening to push you over a ledge. You play games with women to see how strong they are, and to see if they will put up with your bs even when you are not willing to put up with theirs. You use humor and sarcasm to cover up your real feelings and even if you miss her you keep it a secret. You will never fall in love because you simply do not allow yourself to do so. You are a wuss and afraid that if you let anyone in that they will do what she did or worse. You think being closed off makes you look cool but instead it makes you look weak. The strongest people in the world are those that allow themselves the opportunity to feel. No girl has ever made your heart skip a beat, except for the nameless one who broke your heart and you go through women like underwear. You leave them confused or even worse heartbroken because they thought you were all in when you were really half assing it the whole time. You keep dating in hopes that the next woman will break that wall down and sweep you off your feet, but it is impossible. Only you can break down that wall and allow love to grow in your heart. Anything worth having involves risks, but without taking those risks, you will never develop a deep emotional connection with anyone. And in the process you will hurt many who were vulnerable enough to open up to you. In the end, you think you are strong because you don’t feel the pain that she does and you move on with ease. But deep down inside, there is a pain that lingers like the aroma left after a fire. You haven’t forgiven that person from your past and you are blaming the world for their mistakes. Guilty until proven innocent. But that, my dear, is not justice….nor is it love. Stop wasting my time and that of others. Work on yourself and once you remove that wall then think about giving me a call, but by then I probably would have moved on to someone who cared enough to give me an honest chance.

Sincerely,
Ms. Tired of Your Crap So Now I don’t Waste My Time With You Anymore

PS : I want my kisses back …

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Frenemies…

The worst kinds of enemies are those who pretend to be your friends…yes, sadly true…and all around me.

I have no real need nor time for people who come to me when they need me, then throw me aside when they are fine.

Learned the hard way that fake friends are like your shadow, they follow you in the sun, but leave your side when it gets dark.

My accident this past January has really opened my eyes as to who my real friends are in my personal as well as my work life.

It’s really hard to trust people these days. I find myself always looking over my shoulder these days, waiting for the back stabbing knife in my back. We must be so careful who we share our weaknesses with. Learning that some people can’t wait for the opportunity to use them against us.

False friends, frenemies, are people who pretend to be a friend and then turn out to be just the opposite. Yup!! There are some people who get close to you for the specific reason to make fun of you behind your back, delight in the misery you endure, use you for whatever you can give them, and find out about your life so they can gossip about it later. Sad…especially when we are no longer in high school.

Because we generally want to see the best in people, we may give false friends several chances to prove that they are more than an enemy in disguise. However, when you discover a false friend in your life, you should distance yourself from them. Life is too short to be surrounded with people who don’t really care about you. So negativity be gone. I have cut people out of my life…who have proven they are no longer a true friend.

There are different types of friends – so called friends:

– The Opportunist: Use and abuse, and never return a favor.
– Egocentric, self centered: Always talking about themselves, brags a lot.
– The woe is me friend: only seek you out for therapy, and tend to hold grudges.
– The true fake friend: Smiles in your face, talks behind your back.
– Snobby friends – lack mutual respect.
– Spy friend or interloper: uses, interferes, intervenes, climbing on you – these are the jealous ones, they take ownership of your ideas, efforts, etc. Watch out for the blackmail. sigh
– Ignores: They meet someone, start a new romance and all of a sudden, they don’t return calls, break plans, etc.

All of these “friends” are missing out on a very important part of their emotional life. In the long run, they are ones that will lack the balance and support that friendship can give. And us poor gentle souls are better off without them. These fair weather friends only want to come around when they need your sun to shine on their dark and gloomy days. I know I have enough sunshine but I no longer need the shadows.

And because I have a big heart, have been accused of being naive and gullible…I tend to give people many chances. But knowing when to leave a friendship is more crucial to me these days. Choosing to let friends go is never an easy thing. If your friend has consistently shown you that they will leave you high and dry, it may be time to walk away. Sometimes we give people the benefit of the doubt and immediately think of them as our friend, when they perhaps don’t feel the same way. Maybe they are using you, or maybe they just don’t know how to be a friend. Either way, wish them the best and mean it, and then return to the people in your life who do treat you well….I am….♥

‪#‎ThingsThatAnnoyMe‬: Why try and be fake when being real takes less effort? ‪#‎HateFake‬


Narcissism in the mirror…

I find it incredibly sad that adults feel the need to continually insult, belittle, blame others for their misfortune or unhappiness.  When do people grow up, mature and take responsibility for their own actions and reactions?  These insecure people find it easier to say that other people are the ones with the problem because they can’t look into the mirror and admit the truth….they have issues, they need to admit and work on resolving.

I see myself too clearly at times…and that is why I am alone, happy….narcissism does exist…in the mirror.

I find it sad that these so called adults feel the need to insult to feel empowered.  Their lives are in a rapid spiral downward and they need to hold onto the shred of their dignity.  Yes, these marginalized people insult in order to be empowered…to manipulate.  How do I accept, deal with at times inane insults?  I clean house….I throw out the trash, I don’t allow these people in my life anymore.   I only let sunshine touch my heart and mind.  I block out the negativity.  Now as many of you know I deal with an abusive mother, but unfortunately, I can’t erase her out of my life.  But I limit my contact with her; and only allow positive, caring people in my life.  One negative person in my life is enough.  My reply to most inane people:  “You are so insignificant that I don’t even care to register your words, your inability to apologize let alone to take offense at your insult.”  Yes, loving my life with quality people who know the difference between truth and lies, between acceptance and denial…between growth and immaturity.

Its taken me a long time to understand my mom and her small ways.  She is not happy unless everyone is as miserable as her.  It’s a psychological defense mechanism. They try to make themselves feel superior by making others sad. Doesn’t work, does it? Its always some else’s problem, huh?  The old me, would have tried to help, “fix” these damaged people.  But I have spent half of my life trying to no avail.  I am not responsible for someone else’s happiness.  Only mine.  The old me would have stuck around, been a doormat – thank goodness, no more.

I choose to live my life responsibly, deliciously, deliriously happy…

My way of dealing with negative people:  “Out of my sight! Thou dost infect mine eyes.” – Shakespeare, Richard III

And in the words of Shaw, “The trouble with many is that they lack the power of conversation but not the power of speech.” …so ignore the lies in their empty words.

“Don’t compare yourself with anyone in this world…if you do so, you are insulting yourself.” – Gates

♥ LML ♥  Breathing, moving forward, transforming my life….


What hurts you today, makes you stronger tomorrow…

Rough week!  So over the moon its Friday…but the weekend is already mocking me with silence.  Took my Chili dog to the vet, learned he had arthritis and a spinal injury deterioration – he is limping around a little better with his new meds.  Poor little guy – he has already endured two knee surgeries.  I had to go to the Orthopedic today to learn my results from my MRI – sure enough I need surgery on my right hand – they found a tear in my ligament, a cyst, and central perforation…enough said.  Was praying against hope that surgery would not be needed.  But learning that somehow this is my life…

I find myself repeatedly asking God how much am I to take and when will it be my year but I somehow find the strength He provides for me to keep moving forward…smiling through my tears.   I was hoping to find someone special by now so I can find comfort and support in another but I guess it’s just not my time.  I know my Mr. Perfect for me is out there.  And I know that God has a plan as to why my life, physically and emotionally needs to go through this pain now with broken bones that don’t heal.

I am learning that letting go has nothing to do with weakness, and everything to do with strength.  We let go and walk away not because we want others to realize our worth, but because we finally realize our own worth.

Sometimes you just need to do your best and surrender the rest. – Don’t be too hard on yourself.  There are plenty of people willing to do that for you.  Tell yourself, “I am doing the best I can with what I have in this moment.  And that is all I can expect of anyone, including me.”  Love yourself and be proud of everything that you do, even your mistakes.  Because even mistakes mean you’re trying.

You are in control of one person, and one person only: yourself. – There is only one way to be happy, only one route to happiness, and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of your control.  Letting go in your relationships doesn’t always mean that you don’t care about people anymore; it’s simply realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself.

What’s right for you may be wrong for others, and vice versa.– Think for yourself, and allow others the privilege of doing so too.  We all dance to the beat of a different drum.  There are few absolute ‘rights’ and ‘wrongs’ in the world.  You need to live your life your way – the way that’s right for you.

Some people will refuse to accept you for who you are.   And I am learning not to care as much.   Always choose to be true to yourself, even at the risk of incurring ridicule from others, rather than being fake and incurring the pain and confusion of trying to be someone you’re not.  When you are comfortable in your skin, not everyone in this world will like you, and that’s okay.  Yup…it really is.

Relationships can only exist on a steady foundation of truth.  When there is a breakdown in a relationship, you must have the hard conversation.  It may not be pretty and it may not feel good.  But if you are willing to listen and tell the truth, it will open up.  When you learn how to build relationships based on truth and authenticity, rather than masks, false perfection, and being phony, your relationships will heal, connect, and thrive.

Sometimes walking away is the only way to win.  Never waste your time trying to explain yourself to people who have proven that they are committed to misunderstanding you.  In other words, don’t define your intelligence by the number of arguments you have won, but by the number of times you have said, “This unnecessary nonsense is not worth my time.”

Sitting in silence I will learn to hide my pain…

Focusing on what I have left, not only on what I have lost.

It truly should never be all about what you have lost, but about what you have learned.

Still looking forward on putting my loss behind me….looking forward to my newest finds….

I have said this before…

Every day I am crumbling more apart and yet falling more together all at the same time.

We all need to remember one simple thing: it’s OK to be lost. It’s OK to let go of needing all the answers. It’s not going to kill you— in fact, it just might bring you to life.

I’ve lived, I’ve loved, I’ve lost, I’ve missed, I’ve hurt, I’ve trusted, I’ve made mistakes, but most of all, I’ve learned.   Very happy that I am in one piece…mind, heart, body and spirit…. All good to go….♥


Ah…Eternal love…& wise words from SATC…

I just spent the last two hours on the phone with a not so old friend, a co-worker in Dallas.  And after we hung up, I feel lighter…this overwhelming warm feeling like we just became good old friends.   Its nice to learn who is there for you during the good and bad times…for better or worse literally.   I don’t have a lot of friends, but I know I have the right, best friends for me…and maybe Mr. Big was right when he said, “You’re the loves of her life, and a guy would be lucky to come in fourth”…

Any guy who claims to love me will have to be accepted now by my friends.  I not totally trusting myself these days.  But I am glad that I recognize things happen for a reason and I just saved myself a lot of further heartbreak by actually allowing things to fall into place and follow my gut at least the second time it screamed.  Sometimes, you can’t keep giving people chances.

I am not settling ever more…I am resilient…my bones will heal, my heart will mend…And I will always keep my promise to myself and no truer words have ever been gushed by Bradshaw on SATC:  “I’m looking for love,” gushes Carrie, “real love, ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can’t-live-without-each-other love.”  Yup….me too…

I will remain hopeful…♥

Eternal Love

Eternal Love

 

 


Fake People Annoy ME!

Some people just need a sympathetic pat…
On the head…
With a Hammer…
That is how I am feeling today…disliking people who are so self-absorbed that they have no idea what is going on around them, in front of them.  Sad.

One thing I’ve learned about myself is that I have a very low- to-no tolerance for bullshit and insincere people.

With people, I can’t stand facades. People tend to put up fronts because they want to be perceived a certain way, they want you to think highly of them, respect them, and maybe even admire them. Sometimes they build up facades because they’re just scared of being judged or hurt by you. They built up these fronts to represent themselves because deep down, they are flawed individuals in one way or another.

The thing is, I like people a lot more when they acknowledge their flaws, rather than hiding them. For me, when people open up to me, it’s wonderful. The friendships I have where people are perfectly candid and show me their true selves, exposing their feelings regardless of how vulnerable that makes them,  are the friendships I value most.  I appreciate genuine sincerity in people.  If you can acknowledge that flawed part of yourself you don’t like, it demonstrates a certain strength of character that is not evident when you mask yourself. It makes you more human to me, and helps me accept your flaws.

People are more beautiful when you accept them for what they really are. Flaws make us human, and struggling to overcome those flaws make us even more so. But one crucial step to growing as a person is to not lie to yourself. Sharing who you are without reservation with another person is as intimate as you can get, in my opinion.

I used to feel sorry for some people who felt the need to pretend.  Now seriously – step away.  So you posers out there who manipulate, try to say what you think others want to hear, please stay away from me.

I rather spend time with children who are sweetly oblivious and not caring how others perceive them.  They usually smile and think all is great – until some mean spirited person brings their flaws to their attention.

A child has no ego, no past or future. The child has no attachments, and because of this, they are able to express themselves fully, without any prejudices or preconceived ideas.  Ah the innocent, young and truly beautiful souls that exist should have no real enemies but time.

I despise the true hypocrite – the one who ceases to preceive his deception, the one who lies with sincerity.

Actions will always speak louder than words – and actions will always hurt more and lie louder than words.

In the words of Abraham Lincoln:  You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can not fool all of the people all of the time.  Fake people should remember these wise words!


Monday Ramblings…

I survived a very manic Monday indeed…and in surviving, I came to the conclusion that I don’t want everybody to like me.  I don’t…because there’s no way to be real and have everybody like you.  When you’re true to yourself and do what you want, some people are bound to get pissed off.  I am sure you all have heard the expression, “If you try to please everybody, you please nobody”.  Well lesson learned yet again…the hard way.  When you’re trying to please other people – When you’re trying to make people like you – When you’re reacting to others – all you are accomplishing is not staying true to yourself.

Thing is: there’s no reason to want everybody to like you. Do what you want and let whatever happens happen. Some people will love you. Others will hate you.  And you know what?  That’s fine.  I want real interactions, real connections instead of trying to please everybody.  Because every time you don’t do what you want, every time you censor your inner being, a part of you dims inside.  Every time you doubt yourself and don’t do what your heart so desperately urges you to do, you become more numb. Desensitized. Lifeless. That magical twinkle in your eye dims and you settle.  Well – no more settling.  Yelling it now – NO MORE SETTLING!

Doing what you want doesn’t mean being a *insert rude expletive of choice*.

…because being mean, being obnoxious, being rude, being selfish – all those nasty things that might be confused with “doing what you want” – are just convenient misinterpretations.

Doing what you want in order to get approval isn’t really doing what you want. It’s buying into other people’s story. Same thing goes for trying to control other people. For trying to be superior.

“I don’t want everyone to like me” is vastly different to “I want everyone to not like me”.

Indifference and contentedness is vastly different to living in reaction, living for others.

This is about staying true to yourself.

It’s easy to see the “do what you want” as a selfish attitude but when you really do what you want, when you live from your deepest inner being, you’re tapping into and accessing the source of all compassion. When you are true to yourself and connect to your deepest being, you see the humanity in everybody and experience life itself, and express and share that with all around you.

Being Real is connecting to and expressing your deep desire to live.

Undiluted. Pure bliss. Expressed through true right action, true self expression.

No more censoring who you are.
No more reaction and approval seeking.
No more self doubt or anxiety.
No more fake communication.
No more living for others.

…just pure undiluted genuine authentically unapologetic real raw expression.

Do what you want and Be Real.

Stay true to yourself.  Always.

One thing I’ve learned about myself is that I have a very low- to-no tolerance for bullshit and insincere people.

I can’t stand facades. People tend to put up fronts because they want to be perceived a certain way, they want you to think highly of them, respect them, and maybe even admire them. Sometimes they build up facades because they’re just scared of being judged or hurt by you. They built up these fronts to represent themselves because deep down, they are flawed individuals in one way or another.

The thing is, I like people a lot more when they acknowledge their flaws, rather than hiding them. For me, when people open up to me, it’s wonderful. The friendships I have where people are perfectly candid and show me their true selves, exposing their feelings regardless of how vulnerable that makes them, are the friendships I value most.  I appreciate genuine sincerity in people.  If you can acknowledge that flawed part of yourself you don’t like, it demonstrates a certain strength of character that is not evident when you mask yourself. It makes you more human to me, and helps me accept your flaws.

People are more beautiful when you accept them for what they really are. Flaws make us human, and struggling to overcome those flaws make us even more so. But one crucial step to growing as a person is to not lie to yourself. Sharing who you are without reservation with another person is as intimate as you can get, in my opinion.

I used to feel sorry for some people who felt the need to pretend.  Now seriously – step away.  So you posers out there who manipulate, try to say what you think others want to hear, please stay away from me.

To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.  Love yourself for all the good that you see and accept your flaws and the fact that you are imperfect. This does not mean that you do not learn to change from your shortcomings; instead, you are being gentle and kind to yourself despite all your “flaws”.  Look in the mirror and fall in love with the reflection that is You.

I am Me. In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me. Everything that comes out of me is authentically mine, because I alone chose it — I own everything about me: my body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions, whether they be to others or myself. I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears. I own my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes.

However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically me.  I can discard that which is unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that which I discarded. I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do. I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me.

I own me, and therefore, I can engineer me. I am me, and I am OKAY!

“When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you.” -African Proverb

Sometimes we judge ourselves pretty harshly. We blame ourselves for things we have absolutely no control over. We criticize, berate, and even disparage ourselves, treating ourselves far worse than we’d ever treat other people.

It’s just all too easy to hold ourselves to high standards, and then get frustrated if we fail to meet them. I know I have done this before, and, at the risk of sounding defeatist, I know I will do it at some point again.

I believe that in much the same we will inevitably have conflicts with other people, we will also go through times when we’re not kind and loving to ourselves.

Perhaps the key to silencing the enemy within is accepting that it is there–that we all possess both darkness and light within us–and then learning to create a higher ratio of self-affirming to self-diminishing thoughts. Maybe the goal shouldn’t be to always be positive, but to recognize when we start being self-critical so that we can shift our thoughts more quickly and effectively with each internal struggle.

In a perfect world, we would always know the perfect thing to do and say, and we’d instinctively always do those things. Maybe some people do. But I can’t speak for them, because I sometimes struggle.

What helps me is to focus on progress, not perfection–to forgive myself when I’ve gotten negative, and then start fresh – clean slate.

Today if you get down on yourself, remember: You’re doing the best you can, and you have the power to choose, right now, that your best is good enough.  And we don’t need  everybody to like us.  BE TRUE TO YOURSELF!

Undiluted, uncensored…Just T…♥

 


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