My brief time working on Wall Street again is coming to an end … bittersweet end. It has been an awakening time for me … accepting and new found peace time for me. I still have a strong connection to this place. I have turned down a few jobs through the years to work in this financial downtown area because I just couldn’t bear to go through the World Trade Center and pass the site where my forever heart perished so many years ago. This past year, I have grown to accept my life in ways that no one can understand – ways that I can barely articulate.. I still ache each time I pass through the WTC, but pain and nostalgia no longer paralyze me. Sure it overwhelms me at times, but I keep moving forward. I try to focus on all the good memories and new memories of being downtown, the familiar and the unknown.
I met someone briefly that allowed me to open my eyes to so many possibilities. There are so many beautiful things in the world to explore, experience, relish and I plan to do just that.
I am going to miss being able to walk down to the South Street Seaport and just look out into the calm waters and let my thoughts drift. I am going to miss the soft jazz music that can be heard every morning outside my work building. I may even miss all the tourists and school groups that come this way….ah maybe not. I will miss Brookfield Place and all the fun things that take place in the area, especially the Lowdown Hudson Music Fest!
I won’t miss the 9/11 Memorial.
I will miss the hand that held mine recently on a few walks around this area. I wonder if he will ever know the profound effect he had on my life in such a short time … and although he may never know, I will forever know. The way he would apply a little pressure when holding my hand, calmed me and made some of anxiety melt away, especially when he squeezed the area between my thumb and my forefinger.
The way he evoked so many memories for me … maybe wasn’t fair to him; but priceless to me. I knew Michael, my forever heart, was trying to still tell me something even if I wasn’t ready to fully understand all at the time. Comforting.
I am moving forward … with grace in my step and hope in my heart …