I put up a good front and I selfishly thought having my Mom back home from Florida would be good for me so I could leave my Step Dad with her and actually go out and live my life … but less than 24 hours of her being home – she has managed to depress my Step Dad and I. She is overbearingly selfish and she thinks that she is the physically sick one and we all need to cater to her at her whim. But both my Step father and I are physically sicker than her – she is just mentally and emotionally sick, unstable. She drains us of the little energy we have. The entire mood has shifted in this house in the past 24 hours. I can’t wait to leave and start working again. My mother dearest is pure toxicity.
I feel bad for my Step father but I need a life. I need to start doing things for myself. I have neglected myself for so long sometimes I don’t know where to start.
I wish I could be like my older sisters who have estranged themselves from our Mother. They only come around for a couple of hours on holidays. They don’t care. They don’t worry about her or me; and definitely don’t care about our Step Father.
I have been aware that I need to somehow end this toxic relationship and put myself first. I need time to find what will make me happy and pursue that – but I feel so unworthy, full of self doubt and guilty – just not sure how to move forward.
I keep praying …