I no longer know who I am if I am not a doggie mom. I have nothing to rush home to anymore. It’s very disconcerting. I have had dogs in my life steadily for the past 22 years … now only in my heart, memories. My heart hurts.
Always greeted with such sweet kisses, wagging tails. Today I walked into the vet with my precious 12-year-old Boston on a leash and walked out with an empty leash and broken heart. Tears don’t stop.
I had that split second of indecision – should I bring him home, keep him next to me for a few more days or say good bye and hold him as his little heart stopped. I pray I did the right thing. I let him go. Tumors and fluid had filled his abdomen and his heart was not working well. His breathing was labored, he wasn’t walking nor eating. I can’t remember him that way. I want to remember him as the loving, kind companion he was. My Chili Dog = my heart.
My first dog was my companion, my adventure seeker. We traveled, we dined out. He went everywhere I went, even to work a few times. When my Cairn Terrier became a big brother, he became the protector, sharing his bed and toys with his baby brother. He would bark if anyone got too close. It was endearing. Losing him was hard. I never felt pain like that. But my Boston would comfort me, snuggle up to me and together we forged a new life built on trust, love and patience.
My Boston was not much for adventure, he was more the stay in bed and snuggle. It worked – I was going through a series of health issues – cancer, broken bones – and healing at home with the best snuggler was my saving grace. He became my hero – just when I thought I couldn’t take anymore treatments, bad news, I was always met with wet kisses. He just knew how to chase the demons away.
Today I am all alone. But I know my two fur babies are playing together with no pain. One day soon, this will comfort me. Today I grieve.