Monthly Archives: February 2016

Narcissistic Mother

This weekend was to be about my step dad and his special birthday.  Last few years have been tough – he was forced to retire, he got sick with prostate cancer, after surgery seemed to be doing a little better then he had a stroke … it has taken quite a toll on him and he has aged a lot and continues to be fragile.   I try to spend as much time with him as possible and I find many little things to celebrate, keep him busy and smiling.

He is originally from Ecuador so today I wanted to take him to this great Ecuadoran restaurant but my selfish, narcissistic mother decides she is too sick to go out, and she goes on and on about how we don’t care about her – since we decided to go out without her. Mind you she is the healthiest 70+ aged person I know  physically; but mentally is an entirely different story.  She wants to stay in her room, feeling sorry for herself, lying to herself and anyone else willing to listen to her.  I refused to allow my step dad to suffer in solitude any longer.  Life is too short.

My step dad and my mother have been married for 34 years. Throughout their marriage, my mom has tried to control virtually every aspect of his life, including what he could say, what he should eat, what he should wear, who he could be friends with — the list goes on and on. She did the same to me throughout my childhood – is it any wonder that I moved out before I even finished HS?!  She attempts to control me throughout my entire adult life, too.

She calls me many times a day to find out where I am, who I am with, what we are doing — and to reprimand me on my behavior.  I help my mom every day, with almost every aspect of her life. She continues to criticize and reprimand. There is no one else who will help care for her, and she has no real friends – although she does talk, really tell tall tales – to her younger sisters living in Florida and Puerto Rico.

All my life, I have always yearned for a normal relationship with my mother and now especially I want us to peacefully and respectfully enjoy our few years together. I love and respect her very much, but I am ashamed to say, I don’t like my mother. I love my step father – especially for putting up with her all these years.  But he does deserve to have some life of his own.  Even if that means having to deal with my mother’s wrath afterwards.  Life is way too short to stop living your life because someone else can’t deal with it.

I find my mother to be nasty, bitter, hateful, argumentative, un-supportive and the meanest person I know.  She’s always been this way, but it’s getting worse as she gets older … or maybe my tolerance of her behavior has shifted.  I can’t talk to her nicely or try to explain my point without her snapping at me and starting an argument.  If you say to her “why are you arguing” she says, “You are, not me”.  It’s always the other person, never her.  You are damned if you talk to her, and damned if you don’t talk to her.  It’s like walking on eggshells all the time.  You never know when the venom is coming.  She talks about people in a nasty manner.  She lies and when you call her on it, she denies it.  She starts trouble with my step dad, me – even my 12 year old terrier.   My three older sisters barely have anything to do with her in the last ten years.  No one wants to be around her because she is so nasty.  Sadly, she is toxic and I have given up hope she will change or see the error in her ways.

So I count to ten, I write, I vent to my friends, I cry and I pray.  I pray that God keeps giving me the strength to deal with her because on those rare moments when I can get her out of her room and she smiles – she makes me so happy.  I cry, I pray, I keep moving forward … with grace in my step and hope in my heart.

 

 


Here Without You

So it’s been a relatively lazy Sunday and this evening has found me online flirting and this one guy reminded me about this song that I love … almost forget how much I love it …  and how much I miss my forever heart …  Ah the power of music!

 

A hundred days have made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face.
A thousand lies have made me colder
And I don’t think I can look at this the same.
All the miles that separate
Disappear now when I’m dreamin’ of your face.

I’m here without you baby
But you’re still on my lonely mind.
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time.
I’m here without you baby
But you’re still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl, it’s only you and me.

The miles just keep rollin’
As the people leave their way to say hello
I’ve heard this life is overrated
But I hope that it gets better as we go.

I’m here without you baby
But you’re still on my lonely mind.
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time.
I’m here without you baby
But you’re still with me in my dreams
And tonight, it’s only you and me.

Everything I know, and anywhere I go,
It gets hard but it won’t take away my love.
And when the last one falls, when its all said and done.
It gets hard but it won’t take away my love.

I’m here without you baby
But you’re still on my lonely mind.
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time.
I’m here without you baby
But you’re still with me in my dreams
And tonight, it’s only you and me.

 


Best Mash Up

Every Breath You Take and Chasing Cars MASHUP = Pure Love!

I love this mashup heard during the movie ‘Just Go With It’ with Adam Sandler and Jennifer Aniston.  Romantic comedy at its best.


Just Go With It …

Finally home indoors, all snuggly warm watching the movie, “Just Go with It” … We all know that Adam Sandler is a funny goof ball at best and he gets a lot of bad reviews for doing terrible, cliche movies, and yes many of them have over-the-top, tasteless humor with reused gags. But in almost every movie he does, to me, there’s some emotional moment or scene. (in Big Daddy, when he has to let “Frankenstein” go. In Anger Management, at the end when he confesses displays his love for his girlfriend at Yankees stadium, etc) Of all of them, I think THIS scene has the most emotion and is the most heartfelt moment. Just so real, honest … Friendship Love revealed – the best.

You know what I love? Mmm-hmm?
How you just do everything for everybody else
and you never expect anything back.
In fact, when I say thank you, I don’t
know, do you hear that or not?
It’s cute.
And I love…
I just love…
You’re the only person I’ve never lied to in my life.
I swear to God.
I just trust you more than anybody in the world.
You know every secret about me.
I love your smile.
That smile is the magic.
When I’m in the operating room all I think about is,
“All right, 20 more minutes, I get to see the smile.”
It’s just like…
It starts my day, that smile …

Beautiful.  Makes my heart smile.


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