Monthly Archives: January 2015

Lifetime connections …

When connections are real, they simply never die. They can be buried, or ignored or walked away from, but never broken. If you’ve deeply resonated with another person or place, the connection remains despite any distance, time, situation, lack of presence, or circumstance. If you’re doubtful then just try it – go and revisit a person or place and see if there’s any sense at all of the space between now and then.

If it was truly real, you’ll be instantly swept back into the moment it was before it left- during the same year and place with the same wonder and hope, comfort and heartbeat. Real connections live on forever.

“I wish I had done everything on earth with you … ” F. Scott Fitzgerald

♡mm♡

Advertisements

The Letter

I came across this and OMG did it ever resonate with me …. so I had to share. Thanks Leslie @IWantMyKissesBack.

Letter to the emotionally unavailable men of the world:

Dear Mr. I Have A Wall Up –

Please stop wasting my time. It is not my job to break down that wall you put after what’s her name broke your heart. I like mystery but if you give me nothing, that is all I will give you back now. I do not have time to constantly try to prove myself and ask for forgiveness foe a crime I didn’t commit. Stop waiting for Ms. Right to come along and change your whole viewpoint on women and relationships, because we’ll she doesn’t exist. You create distance between people by relying heavily on impersonal means of communication like texting. You press ignore when she calls and you are always busy but the moment she is ready to walk away you give her just enough to keep her there for just a moment longer. You were hurt and since then you refuse to open up to anyone else unless they pry information out of you by threatening to push you over a ledge. You play games with women to see how strong they are, and to see if they will put up with your bs even when you are not willing to put up with theirs. You use humor and sarcasm to cover up your real feelings and even if you miss her you keep it a secret. You will never fall in love because you simply do not allow yourself to do so. You are a wuss and afraid that if you let anyone in that they will do what she did or worse. You think being closed off makes you look cool but instead it makes you look weak. The strongest people in the world are those that allow themselves the opportunity to feel. No girl has ever made your heart skip a beat, except for the nameless one who broke your heart and you go through women like underwear. You leave them confused or even worse heartbroken because they thought you were all in when you were really half assing it the whole time. You keep dating in hopes that the next woman will break that wall down and sweep you off your feet, but it is impossible. Only you can break down that wall and allow love to grow in your heart. Anything worth having involves risks, but without taking those risks, you will never develop a deep emotional connection with anyone. And in the process you will hurt many who were vulnerable enough to open up to you. In the end, you think you are strong because you don’t feel the pain that she does and you move on with ease. But deep down inside, there is a pain that lingers like the aroma left after a fire. You haven’t forgiven that person from your past and you are blaming the world for their mistakes. Guilty until proven innocent. But that, my dear, is not justice….nor is it love. Stop wasting my time and that of others. Work on yourself and once you remove that wall then think about giving me a call, but by then I probably would have moved on to someone who cared enough to give me an honest chance.

Sincerely,
Ms. Tired of Your Crap So Now I don’t Waste My Time With You Anymore

PS : I want my kisses back …


At A Loss

I am at a loss today. Trying so hard to keep it together. But my heart is bruised, my head hurts, my body aches … I just feel like I am not in control.

I have heard it all before – everything in life is temporary, pain is part of growing, change is necessary, letting go is vital, worrying and complaining hinder and don’t change/solve anything, my scars are a sign of my struggle, each day is a new step going forward, yes think positive, worry less, etc., etc., – yes, I have heard it all before. I have tried to past a fake smile on my face, and not complain much. To NO avail. I am at a loss.

Lately, I find myself seized by panic attacks — I never know when another one might strike. My heart and mind are in constant overdrive, my weight has been fluctuating, and mild sweats are my constant companion. Oh and let’s not forget the insomnia and when I go days without any sleep, I feel like I living in a prison of anxiety, dizziness, and fatigue. Even worse than this constant helplessness is the very real feeling that my life is no longer my own.

I am at a loss. I need to accept that there are many things I used to be able to do a year ago, I can no longer do. I have already lost so much and now having to accept this loss is taking a big chunk out of my confidence and my attitude of optimism. I am tired of all the pithy things people say to me … I have heard it all before.


Awww-Worthy Moments

So….just watched the movie, “That Awkward Moment”, and at first, I was like, oh great another guys will be stupid movie, but it had some very significant moments of words to live by – worthy!

Every relationship arrives
at a critical moment,
a juncture,
between moving forward
and moving on.
I call that moment the “so.” …

“Go tell her how you feel.
Go make a scene.
Yeah.
– Make a public spectacle.
– Yeah.
Dude. Go big.
Do it like the movies.
Like the movies. Yeah.
– Like Jerry Maguire.
– I love that movie.
– I love that movie, man!
– So good.”

But tell me what you
love about her, man!
– What do you love about her?
– I love the way she laughs.
I like the way she fake laughs
when she knows that I need it.
Yes.
I love the way we
fit together in bed.
Because we’re the same height,
our crotches line up perfectly.
That’s really good.
I love that about it!
I mean, what are
the chances, right?
I love the way that she
looks in the morning.
Like at that exact moment
when she wakes up,
and her eyes just open
like two little butterflies.
– Two little…
– I love that!

Preppy Guy: I need a drink too. I’ll get you a drink too.
Ellie: Honestly what if I enjoy the drink. What happens then?
Preppy Guy: I’d love to hear what you think happens then.
Ellie: I’ll tell you what happens then we go play beer pong with your two roommates until I end up back at yours in Murray hill.
Preppy Guy: Yeah, that’s right how’d you know that.
Ellie: Yeah then I have to listen to your roommate have sex with Hilary, or Emily or whatever the girl’s name is, until we fall asleep. And then a year later we’re still playing beer pong in the same bars with your friends except now you feel pressured to get married and have kids because you think that’s what I want.
Jason: Then in the summers you drive up to the Hampton to meet his parents wondering the whole ride if they’re going to think your pretty enough.
Ellie: Smart.
Jason: Wondering the whole ride if they’re going to think you’re smart enough.
Ellie: Because no one is and then we have to drink shitty chardonnay.
Jason: At a shitty garden party.
Ellie: And have shitty conversations.
Jason: About shitty people.
Ellie: With his shitty mother.
Jason: Who let’s face it doesn’t think you’re smart enough.
Ellie: Pretty.
Jason: Let’s face it, doesn’t think you’re pretty enough.
Ellie: Because no one is.
Jason: No one ever will be.
Preppy Guy: What’s all that shit, I’m just talking about a drink.
Jason: Yeah, but it wasn’t just a drink though, was it.
Ellie: It was a marriage proposal.
Preppy Guy: Woah marriage , nah. It was a vodka soda. Alright fuck you guys then.
[preppy guy walks away]
Jason: Drink?
Ellie: Yep.

And my favorite part is the repeat of the above in a monologue towards the end … love the grand gesture of ‘sorry’!! Definitely an awww-worthy moment!!

And then the other guy
asked to buy her a drink,
right as Jason walked up.
And so she asked that guy,
“What happens
if I enjoy the drink?”
“What happens then?”
And he pretended not to know
the answer. So she told him.
She asked if they
would play beer pong
in that shitty bar with his friends
until they headed back to
his place in Murray Hill.
She asked if they’d have to
listen to his roommate
fuck Hilary or Emily,
or whatever her name was
till they fell asleep.
And she asked him if a year later,
they’d still be there in that bar.
The only difference being that now
he feels pressure to get married
and have kids, because he thinks
that that’s what she wants.
And then in the summers,
they would drive up
to the shitty Hamptons.
To meet his shitty parents.
Wondering the entire ride if they’d
think that she was pretty enough.
Smart.
Wondering the entire ride if
they think she’s smart enough.
Because no one was.
And no one ever will be.
And Jason knew that now.
And he would give anything
to go back to that moment.
The moment where they first met.
Before anything went wrong.
Before he didn’t show up for
her when she needed him most.
Before he understood that
being there for somebody
when it’s most difficult is really
all that relationships are.
Jason knew that now.
And he was so sorry
for what he had done.
But Jason also realized
that in that moment,
he wasn’t afraid, because he
thought she wasn’t the one.
He was absolutely terrified,
because he knew she was.
And if she could give him
just one more chance,
just one more chance,
she knew where to find him….

I am waiting on awww-worthy moments….


Her Words …

“Love a girl who writes, and live her many lives;
You have yet to find her, beneath her words of guise.

Kiss her blue inked fingers, forgive the pens they marked.
The stain of your lips upon her, the one she can’t discard.

Forget her tattered memories, or the pages others took;
You are her ever-after, the hero of her book.”
― Lang Leav


Love Lang …

I came across words, passages, quotes that loudly resonated with me and discovered an author that is in my head as well as heart – Lang Leav.

“What was it like to love him? Asked Gratitude.
It was like being exhumed, I answered, and brought to life in a flash of brilliance.

What was it like to be loved in return? Asked Joy.
It was like being seen after a perpetual darkness, I replied. To be heard after a lifetime of silence.

What was it like to lose him? Asked Sorrow. There was a long pause before I responded:

It was like hearing every goodbye ever said to me—said all at once.”

————————————————-

“It happens like this.

“One day you meet someone and for some inexplicable reason, you feel more connected to this stranger than anyone else–closer to them than your closest family. Perhaps this person carries within them an angel–one sent to you for some higher purpose; to teach you an important lesson or to keep you safe during a perilous time. What you must do is trust in them–even if they come hand in hand with pain or suffering–the reason for their presence will become clear in due time.”

Though here is a word of warning–you may grow to love this person but remember they are not yours to keep. Their purpose isn’t to save you but to show you how to save yourself. And once this is fulfilled; the halo lifts and the angel leaves their body as the person exits your life. They will be a stranger to you once more.

————————————————-

It’s so dark right now, I can’t see any light around me.
That’s because the light is coming from you. You can’t see it but everyone else can.”


%d bloggers like this: