There is a Scottish proverb that I find quite fitting today of all days: “False friends are worse than bitter enemies.”
This quote speaks to the fact that it is almost easier to deal with someone who you know from the start is not on your side than someone who you thought was a friend but is really not. I know that I can’t depend on my immediate family for support, to have my back, or to even pick up the phone and check-in on me. But I have people in my life who swear they will be there for me no matter what, and they act like they would be – but it is these individuals who break my heart. All talk and no real substance. They say all the right things, but their actions betray them and fail me.
An acquaintance has a little something in common with you and merely enjoys your company for a short time. A fair-weather friend flatters you when the sun is shining and the birds are chirping. A true friend, on the other hand, has your very best interests at heart and would NEVER… Walk away when times get tough.
True friendship and good character is all about how a person nurtures another person when they are vulnerable and can give very little in return. Thus, it’s not who’s standing beside you during good times, but the ones who stick by you through tough times that are your true friends. Good friends don’t judge, don’t keep score, don’t test you….their loyalty should be unwavering.
A bad friend is someone whose jealousies and insecurities outweigh their love for someone. Deep down, they might want to be a good friend and care but they’re too messed up in their own head to ever actually do it. Instead, they act paranoid and possessive. They wonder if their friends are hanging out without them or if they’re being forgotten and left behind. People who are violently insecure don’t have what it takes to be a quality friend. Their own issues and neuroses get in the way.
So take note of who remains in your life when times get tough, especially the people who sacrifice the resources they have in their life to help you improve yours when you need it most. Seriously, when you come out the other side of a difficult period in your life, look around you. The people still standing beside you are your true friends.
“It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend.” – William Blake
HAVE you ever thought long and hard before asking a favor of someone, only to be completely let down?
Maybe they claim ‘they forgot’, other times they pretend you never asked them and in the worst scenarios, they use your vulnerability against you.
It doesn’t matter if it’s a friend, colleague or member of your family there is no worse feeling than realizing you’ve been duped or betrayed. So how do you deal with it and get along with life and your relationship with that person in the aftermath?
If you are like me, we turn to people we trust the most for help. We all make the assumption that the people we ask for help share our values, integrity or professionalism. When that trust is broken we feel betrayed and hurt and sometimes can even feel silly for asking them in the first place.
And, sadly, there can be a second, re-injury when a person doesn’t seem to even care that they’ve let you down. This results in us feeling even more withdrawn, persecuted, isolated and our confidence and self-esteem suffers, leaving us with little idea about what to do next.
I know I can be a moody, abrasive, honest person…but my heart is full, my intentions pure. If people can’t communicate to me, then they need to move on…if they feel the need to judge, they need to keep stepping off.
“If she’s amazing, she won’t be easy. If she’s easy, she won’t be amazing. If she’s worth it, you won’t give up. If you give up, you’re not worthy. … Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.” ― Bob Marley – Guitar Chord Songbook