Monthly Archives: January 2014

Prayers answered….♥

A few weeks ago, I went to Central Park Women’s Imaging Center for my annual mammogram. They called me a week later informing me I needed to come back immediately for another mammogram, more breast imaging tests and an ultrasound because they had found a suspicious dense mass in my right breast. So I went back Friday for another mammo. The ultrasound tech reassured me she couldn’t find anything.

Last week was a long, all consuming one, where of course, I panicked. I asked everyone to pray! Today, I learned God has spared me once again. I heard the most wonderful words, “ok you can go, all clear. See you next year for your yearly mammo”….

I audibly sighed and wanted to hug those women. I called my Ob-Gyn to see what she had to say. She was reassuring as well. I’ll never forget the date….the heartache, the relief, the joy….so many emotions in one short week. No biopsy needed was music to my ears.

I participate every year in the breast cancer walk, but this year, it will take on extra special meaning and focus. I cannot stress enough the importance of getting a yearly exam. Time is of the essence! I have lost an aunt, too young, to breast cancer many years ago.

The waiting was the worst part. Feeling alone. You start to think about horrible possibilities. I have to admit, I was scared; convinced that my luck had run out. That I had somehow failed. God has spared me so many times that I didn’t believe I would be lucky again. I have lived most of my life sick, performing under the radar.

No more. This is a new year, a new chance at getting it right. I still can’t stop selfishly smiling, praying and crying – all at the same time. I am convinced that God has a plan for me that I haven’t quite figured out.

Telling my friends also helped relieve the stress of worrying about whether I had cancer again. My friends are truly my pillars of strength. Writing here helps tremendously. So a big thank to you to those who read and follow my journey here…thank you for prayers. Just thank you. Tonight I am a big pile of grateful mush.

Praying that many out there are as fortunate as me…getting another chance…life is short. My faith won’t waver. My hope won’t die.

prayer


Being harrassed at work?!

One of my young co-workers is either extraordinarily (and conveniently) clumsy or else he is an amateur predator. Four times now (most recently this morning), one of my co-workers has managed to place his hands on my butt. Each time, he says “Whoops” and apologizes for accidentally bumping me. (It feels more like a touch than a bump). It has happened in the supply room, the elevator and twice in the break room. From the way he smiles when he apologizes, I think he might be doing it on purpose. Harassed much?! *sigh* Curses!

It sounds like a classic case of “hit and run” unwanted touching. I don’t know how to make him stop.

I don’t blame myself – It is not a crime to have an irresistible rear end and it is not an invitation for a grabbing. The touchy colleague needs to send his inner junior-high self to detention and let his inner adult be the one who shows up at work.

I am tired of these jerks at work. I have been enduring this type of nonsense since I started working in investment banking many eons ago. TIRED, I swear though these young guys get more brazen.

What is a lady to do? Get fired most likely for speaking up in this man’s sad world.


Michael Bublé – “Home”

And I feel just like I’m living someone else’s life
It’s like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not
Come along with me
This was not your dream
But you always believed in me

Another winter day has come
And gone away
In either Paris or Rome
And I wanna go home
Let me go home

And I’m surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel alone
And let me go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

Let me go home
I’ve had my run
Baby, I’m done
I gotta go home
Let me go home
It’ll all be all right
I’ll be home tonight
I’m coming back home…


I ♥ Dermot Mulroney…yes I do!!

Nick Mercer: Close your eyes. Close your eyes. Close… your… eyes. You’re safe. You can relax. I’m not going to kiss you. He’s gonna be so sorry he lost you, so stop worrying. Forget the past. Forget the pain. And remember what an incredible woman you are. You do that and he’ll realize what he lost.

Nick Mercer: The hardest thing is loving someone and then having the courage to let them love you back. But if you know her shit and she knows yours, and at the end of the day if you still would rather give up than try, nothings ever going to be worth it. Maybe think about it this way… you go back, you get to spend the rest of your life having really great make-up sex.

You can dance, every dance with the guy
Who gives you the eye, let him hold you tight
You can smile, every smile for the man
Who held your hand beneath pale moon light

But don’t forget who’s takin’ you home
And in whose arms you’re gonna be
So darlin’ save the last dance for me

Oh, I know that the music’s fine
Like sparklin’ wine, go and have your fun
Laugh and sing but while we’re apart
Don’t give your heart to anyone

And don’t forget who’s takin’ you home
And in whose arms you’re gonna be
So darlin’ save the last dance for me

Baby, don’t you know I love you so?
Can’t you feel it when we touch?
I will never, never let you go
I love you, oh, so much

You can dance, go and carry on
Till the night is gone and it’s time to go
If he asks if you’re all alone
Can he walk you home? You must tell him, “No”

‘Cause don’t forget who’s taking you home
And in whose arms you’re gonna be
Save the last dance for me

Oh, I know that the music’s fine
Like sparklin’ wine, go and have your fun
Laugh and sing but while we’re apart
Don’t give your heart to anyone

And don’t forget who’s takin’ you home
And in whose arms you’re gonna be
So, darlin’, save the last dance for me

So don’t forget who’s taking you home
Or in whose arms you’re gonna be
So, darling, save the last dance for me

Oh, baby won’t you save the last dance for me?
Ooh, you make the promise that you save the last dance for me
Save the last dance, the very last dance for me…


Sundays = Pamper Me Day! ♥

I love Sundays…I have dubbed Sunday – Pamper Me day!

Sunday is my day. Sometimes I think we get caught up in the hectic happenings of the weeks and months and we forget to take time out to relax. So on Sundays, I try my hardest to do things differently. Stay in bed later than usual…in my warm cocoon. I Fluff up the pillows and blankets and put some classical music on the stereo. Then when I can finally pull myself out of bed, well most likely when my little Chili makes me take him for a walk… I’m off to the local bakery for warm bread – today I spoiled myself with a double hot chocolate with marshmallows. After walking, feeding the dog, I go back to bed…yes, I eat in bed. Crumbs be gone! There I spend the next two hours reading, eating and dreaming while the snowflakes swirl outside my bedroom window. The inspiring music of Vivaldi adds an exquisite elegance to the otherwise unruly scene, and I am in heaven. I found time to get in touch with myself and my life and i think this just might be a necessity! I write, play Freecell. And am content.

Now I go for my weekly hair appointment, to get pampered some more. Even treating myself to a manicure. This will now become my favorite ritual.

Right now, this moment, I am happy….sadness be gone…


Saturdays filled with romance…♥

Who doesn’t want their Saturday nights filled with love, romance and passion. I love words…words move me. Love letters make me feel, awaken and arouse feelings…sincere love letters are made of insight, understanding, and compassion. A real love letter can produce a transformation in each person…the writer and the reader…♥

“The letter had been crumpled up and tossed onto the grate. It had burned all around the edges, so the names at the top and bottom had gone up in smoke. But there was enough of the bold black scrawl to reveal that it had indeed been a love letter. And as Hannah read the singed and half-destroyed parchment, she was forced to turn away to hide the trembling of her hand.

—should warn you that this letter will not be eloquent. However, it will be sincere, especially in light of the fact that you will never read it. I have felt these words like a weight in my chest, until I find myself amazed that a heart can go on beating under such a burden.

I love you. I love you desperately, violently, tenderly, completely. I want you in ways that I know you would find shocking. My love, you don’t belong with a man like me. In the past I’ve done things you wouldn’t approve of, and I’ve done them ten times over. I have led a life of immoderate sin. As it turns out, I’m just as immoderate in love. Worse, in fact.

I want to kiss every soft place of you, make you blush and faint, pleasure you until you weep, and dry every tear with my lips. If you only knew how I crave the taste of you. I want to take you in my hands and mouth and feast on you. I want to drink wine and honey from you.

I want you under me. On your back.

I’m sorry. You deserve more respect than that. But I can’t stop thinking of it. Your arms and legs around me. Your mouth, open for my kisses. I need too much of you. A lifetime of nights spent between your thighs wouldn’t be enough.

I want to talk with you forever. I remember every word you’ve ever said to me.

If only I could visit you as a foreigner goes into a new country, learn the language of you, wander past all borders into every private and secret place, I would stay forever. I would become a citizen of you.

You would say it’s too soon to feel this way. You would ask how I could be so certain. But some things can’t be measured by time. Ask me an hour from now. Ask me a month from now. A year, ten years, a lifetime. The way I love you will outlast every calendar, clock, and every toll of every bell that will ever be cast. If only you—

And there it stopped.” ― Lisa Kleypas, A Wallflower Christmas


Where are you….♥

“Well, sometimes love seems easy. Like… it’s easy to love rain… and hawks. And it’s easy to love wild plums… and the moon. But with people, seems like love’s a hard thing to know. It gets all mixed up. I mean, you can love one person in one way and another person in another way. But how do you know you love the right one in every way?”

“I’m not sure, but I think you’ll know. I think if it’s the right person, it’ll be better than rain and hawks and wild plums. Even better than the moon. I think it’ll be better than all that put together.” ― Billie Letts, Where the Heart Is

There you are in the early light of day
There you are in the quiet words I pray
I’ve been blessed by the simple happiness
Of the perfect love we’ve made

Every time I turn around
When I’m lost and when I’m found
Like an angel standing guard
There you are

Every time I take a breath
And when I forget to breathe
You’re watching over me
There you are

When I’m looking for the light
In the middle of the night
Searching for the brightest star
There you are

There you are standing in a crowded room
There you are the earth and I’m the moon
My desire is to stand by the fire
That burns inside of you

Every time I turn around
When I’m lost and when I’m found
Like an angel standing guard
There you are

Every time I take a breath
And when I forget to breathe
You’re watching over me
There you are

When I’m looking for the light
In the middle of the night
Searching for the brightest star
There you are

When I’m looking for the light
In the middle of the night
Searching for the brightest star
There you are, there you are
There you are


Striving with God’s help…♥

This is what I will strive for today of all days: Pray as if it’s up to God, work as if it’s up to you. No matter how bad things may look right now, it means nothing – it’s how good they can be with God’s help that counts. In life you can absolutely count on one thing – everything can turn around in one day, in one minute sometimes. Don’t you dare to give up – you might be a moment away from a windfall.


With friends like that, who needs enemies!

There is a Scottish proverb that I find quite fitting today of all days: “False friends are worse than bitter enemies.”

This quote speaks to the fact that it is almost easier to deal with someone who you know from the start is not on your side than someone who you thought was a friend but is really not. I know that I can’t depend on my immediate family for support, to have my back, or to even pick up the phone and check-in on me. But I have people in my life who swear they will be there for me no matter what, and they act like they would be – but it is these individuals who break my heart. All talk and no real substance. They say all the right things, but their actions betray them and fail me.

An acquaintance has a little something in common with you and merely enjoys your company for a short time. A fair-weather friend flatters you when the sun is shining and the birds are chirping. A true friend, on the other hand, has your very best interests at heart and would NEVER… Walk away when times get tough.

True friendship and good character is all about how a person nurtures another person when they are vulnerable and can give very little in return. Thus, it’s not who’s standing beside you during good times, but the ones who stick by you through tough times that are your true friends. Good friends don’t judge, don’t keep score, don’t test you….their loyalty should be unwavering.

A bad friend is someone whose jealousies and insecurities outweigh their love for someone. Deep down, they might want to be a good friend and care but they’re too messed up in their own head to ever actually do it. Instead, they act paranoid and possessive. They wonder if their friends are hanging out without them or if they’re being forgotten and left behind. People who are violently insecure don’t have what it takes to be a quality friend. Their own issues and neuroses get in the way.

So take note of who remains in your life when times get tough, especially the people who sacrifice the resources they have in their life to help you improve yours when you need it most. Seriously, when you come out the other side of a difficult period in your life, look around you. The people still standing beside you are your true friends.
“It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend.” – William Blake

HAVE you ever thought long and hard before asking a favor of someone, only to be completely let down?

Maybe they claim ‘they forgot’, other times they pretend you never asked them and in the worst scenarios, they use your vulnerability against you.
It doesn’t matter if it’s a friend, colleague or member of your family there is no worse feeling than realizing you’ve been duped or betrayed. So how do you deal with it and get along with life and your relationship with that person in the aftermath?

If you are like me, we turn to people we trust the most for help. We all make the assumption that the people we ask for help share our values, integrity or professionalism. When that trust is broken we feel betrayed and hurt and sometimes can even feel silly for asking them in the first place.

And, sadly, there can be a second, re-injury when a person doesn’t seem to even care that they’ve let you down. This results in us feeling even more withdrawn, persecuted, isolated and our confidence and self-esteem suffers, leaving us with little idea about what to do next.

Feeling lost….alone…

I know I can be a moody, abrasive, honest person…but my heart is full, my intentions pure. If people can’t communicate to me, then they need to move on…if they feel the need to judge, they need to keep stepping off.

TRUTH:
“If she’s amazing, she won’t be easy. If she’s easy, she won’t be amazing. If she’s worth it, you won’t give up. If you give up, you’re not worthy. … Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.” ― Bob Marley – Guitar Chord Songbook


Foy Vance – Guiding Light

Well the road is wide,
And waters run on either side,
And my shadow went with fading light,
Stretching out towards the night.

‘Cause the Sun is low,
And I yet have still so far to go,
My lonely heart is beating so,
Tired of the wonder.

But there’s a sign ahead,
Though I think it’s the same one again,
And I’m thinking ’bout my only friend,
And so I find my way home.

When I need to get home
You’re my guiding light,
You’re my guiding light.

When I need to get home,
You’re my guiding light,
You’re my guiding light.

Well the air is cold,
And yonder lies my sleeping soul,
By the branches broke like bones,
This weakened tree no longer holds.

But the night is still,
And I have not yet lost my will,
Oh and I will keep on moving ’till,
‘Till I find my way home.

When I need to get home,
You’re my guiding light,
You’re my guiding light.

When I need to get home,
You’re my guiding light,
You’re my guiding light.

When I need to get home,
You’re my guiding light,
You’re my guiding light.

When I need to get home,
You’re my guiding light,
You’re my guiding light.

When I need to get home,
You’re my guiding light,
You’re my guiding light.


%d bloggers like this: