Monthly Archives: November 2013

The Empty Chair…♥

For those who are grieving the loss of a loved one, Thanksgiving and Christmas (especially the “first” of each) can be particularly hard to experience. I know all too well.  Nothing can make these moments easy but prayer has always helped me and can offer a path to walk through these days with greater peace and even opportunities for healing.  The chairs are empty. But the relationships with the people who once occupied them continue on in our shared memories and stories.  My struggle is not mine alone. It is the shared challenge of millions around the world who fight to fill a heartfelt void after having lost their spouse, child, parent, sibling, friend, or worse, a combination of. A dreaded battle, at best. But we as humans come equipped with the greatest, rarest grace imaginable: resilience.  And faith….♥

Dear God,

There is an empty chair at our table, an ache in our hearts and tears on our faces.  We may try to shield one another from the grief we bear but we cannot hide it from you.  We pray for those in Heaven, my Angels…and many more loved ones, whose presence we miss in these upcoming holidays. Open our hearts and minds to the healing and warmth of the light of your presence.  We pray, Lord, and we trust that those we miss have found their place at your table, their home in your heart.  Open our hearts to joyful memories of the love we shared with those who have gone before us.  Help us tell the stories that make present the past and bring us close again to those we miss.  Teach us to lean on each other and on you, Lord, for the strength we need to walk through difficult times.  Give us quiet moments with you, with our thoughts, with our memories and prayers.  Be with us, Lord, and hold us in your arms even as you hold those who have gone before us.  Help us to trust that one day we shall be with those we love when your mercy gathers us together in the joy of the life you promise us.  This is the day you have made, Lord: help us to rejoice in it and in the promise of your peace.
Amen.  ♥  Happy Thanksgiving!!

Fever Fate

Finally home after spending yet another day at the emergency room this year. I truly can’t wait to put this year behind me. It’s been a long weekend of fever induced pity, aches, and pangs of a better, healthier day. Thank goodness for flannel pjs, hot Tazo tea, Mami’s homemade chicken soup, and a new medicine called Tessalon…and Hallmark’s #CountdowntoChristmas. I have complete faith that this new med will work magic soon…it starts with my favorite letter = T!! 🙂

So, stuck indoors, in bed, has me watching TV…lots of it. I love this time of year and sappy Christmas movies. It definitely makes for a cuddle up and get cozy kind of week. The most recent movie I have finished watching was Hallmark’s “A Very Merry Mix-Up”. One of my favorite lines is: “Eternity is where true love exists”. Yay!! And another great line: Grandpa Charles says, “Life is about timing and timing is everything in love and loss.” It has me now thinking of timing…and fate. What is fate?? Is “fate just something people make up to explain the way things worked out”?

Is fate something that will inevitably happen in the future, that cannot be changed, where one has no control?
Is it a belief that there is a fixed, natural order to the universe? I tend to believe that fate is not as fixed as many would like. I believe many factors shape our fate or destiny, some of them are settled and some are not. I have to believe that we all have a certain scope to change our fate or destiny by our own efforts.

“Amor Fati – “Love Your Fate”, which is in fact your life.” ― Friedrich Nietzsche


“Love is not a bus or a train – it doesn’t run on a schedule. It’s unexpected and it’s inconvenient…and sometimes you have to wait your whole life for it to show up. But when it does, you grab tight and you hold on because those bumps and twists and the stomach lurches — those are what make you feel like you’re still alive.
I would have given you all the time in the world to be ready to take a ride like that with me…all the time in the world.” – from The Hallmark Channel’s “The Christmas Ornament”


Exhausted Mess…

Wide awake and cant go back to sleep….so exhausted…No wonder my dreams elude me as well. Insomnia is at times my daily companion. Being so tired, its no wonder my emotions are heightened.

Since I am wide awake and can’t go to sleep now….too many thoughts….have to get up, get this day going….Thank goodness its Friday! Time is like a river, you can never touch the same water twice because the flow that has gone by will never go by again. Enjoy your life today, because yesterday is gone and tomorrow may never come. Enjoy!

Change in time, change in weather…change is necessary! Enjoy every moment of life.

Heightened emotions…

My emotions are so sensitized now. My intuitive, feeling nature is too strong. Feeling overwhelmed. I an gripped by feelings of nostalgia and compassion. Memories of feelings and situations long forgotten are bubbling at the surface. Wanting some resolution. Memories and old feelings… things I tried to suppress, some things I actually thought I managed to bury, others I have wanted to forget….all making a reappearance. Holidays coming too fast. I really need to finally get some closure. This past year has been about reacting, surviving, especially since the accident. Now I have to deal with issues that have been pushed to the edge. Understanding I am my own biggest problem; but I also know I am my own solution. Just don’t want to change too much. I don’t want to harden or become too jaded. I have always cared too much – about everything, anything. I don’t want to stop caring.

I fully understand that beginnings are only possible where there are endings. Clear acknowledged endings are as necessary to intelligible life, as pauses between notes to intelligible music. Although endings sometimes feel like the end of me; trying to take them for what they really are – the end of a stage in my life. Here is to new beginnings!

Holding onto hope…55 days until New Years Day!!! ♥

Feeling completely lost, yet grateful…for true friends!

Where did October go?? It’s been such a crazy few weeks. I have had so many things to write, but couldn’t find the time nor energy. Work and public transportation issues have kept me chained in the clock ticking too fast with little time to feel actually good and productive. My current job is not a good motivating place; it’s unfortunately a sad place filled with unhappy zombies. And they keep trying to drag me down to their level. I will continue to look for a better place to work. And try to avoid the slow, demotivating, disconnected people who sadly try to drag me down their brain-dead, soul-less level. The last few weeks (well to be honest, too many moments in the past years) – there have been times when I feel like I am in the dark. Fumbling. Desperately trying to find my way. Stuck in a dead end job or grieving from a lousy relationship or suffering from health concerns. Everything looks bleak. I seem to constantly be on the verge of tears with no end in sight. Yes….

And as sad as I have been lately, I find comfort in the few real friends I do have. You know those wonderful friends, who even though so much time can go by, and we don’t have the luxury in keeping in daily contact, but yet at the moment you need them, they are there with open arms, overflowing hearts and warm thoughts.

Today, the post office brought me a much needed “hug” from a far-away friend. And tears were of joy and accepting that I am not really ever alone.

“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring: all of which have the potential to turn a life around.” – Leo Buscaglia

And I have shared this following thought in an earlier post, but it bears repeating…

After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul. You learn that kisses aren’t contracts and presents aren’t promises. You learn that loving doesn’t mean leaning and company doesn’t always mean security, and you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much. After a while you learn to build all your dreams on today because tomorrows ground is to uncertain for dreams, and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight. After a while you learn to accept your defeats with your head held with the grace of a woman and not the grief of a child. After a while you learn to plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone else to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really are strong, that you really do have self worth, and you can endure, and you learn and learn, with every “goodbye” you learn…

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