I want to be…a survivor, not a victim. I want to be growing, not ignoring; authentic, not flawless…
I had my own idea of grief. I thought it was the sad time that followed the death of someone you love and you had to somehow push through it to get over it, to get to the other side. I am learning with each death, that there is no other side. There is no pushing through anything, but rather, an absorption. Adjustment and acceptance. Grief is not something you complete, but rather learn to endure over time. Grief is not a task to finish and move on from, but an element of yourself.
Grieving is a long and difficult journey. Just when things begin to look better, the calendar slaps you with another reminder of your loss….an anniversary, a birthday, holidays…Sometimes the pain will be deeper ten years after the loss.
There is a Chinese proverb: “We can’t stop the birds from flying over our heads, but we can stop them from nesting in our hair.”
We shouldn’t try to numb our pain, or shut ourselves down from the pain. The feelings we try to conceal will not go away. They will hide below the surface for years to come; sooner or later, they will erupt without warning in ways that can affect your emotional, physical and mental health.
Grief itself is not a feeling. It is a process that can take a lifetime. It is a slow journey towards acceptance, peace and hope.
On my journey…♥