I have been working for a little over a year now, have tried dating again, meeting new people – what I am learning each and every day is that I am really looking for more. I meet so many people that just go through the motions of their lives, they seem content with the routine. I am so different – I have been so impulsive in the past mainly due to the death sentence that hung over my head with the cancer diagnosis. But with gift of a day, I am trying to be more grounded, stable but I still have this sense of joie de vivre. I am still impatient, impulsive but am working on it.
I see many people at work who just do the bare minimum. I can’t – I want to learn, grow, be challenged. Even when the day’s tasks are boring, I try to teach myself one thing a day – even if it’s just a new word, a new shortcut in Microsoft software.
I continually learn that you don’t go out to find meaning in life, you bring meaning to your life! Meaning isn’t something out there waiting for you to discover. The meaning of your life is what you infuse it with – beauty or ugliness, happiness or sadness. It is totally your choice, and God wants it to be your choice because God gave you free will.
So many people keep telling me I look better these days, my smile is ever present. But other people tell me how much weight I have gained; my Mom and her friend have called me ‘fat’. I understand that in either case, it is just words – but words still hurt – at any age. I have been totally inactive for years. And even with my being back to work the past year, after the car accident this past January – I have been totally inactive again. I am trying to get up, out and about more. I am hoping with the warmer weather, I will be able to walk more and gradually lose some weight. Need to get back to eating better, caring more about myself.
I have been a little happier. I have finally rid myself of those people who were just selfish and using me. I keep the negative people at a distance. And just keep moving forward. Sometimes you need to distance yourself from people. If they care, they will notice. If they don’t, you know where you stand. And you can save yourself some heartbreak and sadness.
And I am going to take the advice a friend offered recently – “Eat like a queen in the morning, a princess at noon, and a peasant at dinner”.
And I will continue on my path to learning, experiencing new things. Key in life is to live the questions…If you ask questions, then you are never lost…If you ask questions, you will find deeper meaning in the world…and hopefully with most of my health woes behind me, I need to accept that scars remind us where we have been – they do not have to dictate where we are going…
I plan to keep working on having the life I want, the one I deserve. I need to work on following my own dreams. Read an e-book recently by Jonathan Mead and love this quote, “This is a declaration of authenticity, an act of spontaneity, and a call to live deliberately.” ♥
Living deliberately how I choose to live my life and will focus most of my energies on my journey. I absolutely cringe at the thought of having life happen TO me as opposed to actively creating the life I want, the life that will make ME happy….each and every day, strive to do something spontaneous and just for myself. Try it….♥