Ramblings…

Trying to take one day at a time; savor the moments. Let things blossom – right, isn’t that what he says?! But for me, timing is everything. I value time. I don’t want to waste my time nor anyone else’s. Life should always be appreciated because it can change or be taken away in an instant. I know this all too well. What does it take to hope? Everything. Hope is about never ceasing to be amazed, wearing your heart and soul on your sleeve, holding your breath, waiting to hear magical words, believing that tomorrow could be better than today, that you’ll get a second chance, that you’ll make a difference, that you’ll finally be able to stand for something in your life. Have you ever thought that if one thing hadn’t happened, a whole set of other things never would have either? Like dominoes, a single event kicked off an unstoppable series of changes that gained momentum and spun out of control, and nothing was ever the same again. Don’t ever doubt that a mere second can change your life forever. Count your blessings. Go for it now. The future is promised to no one. I am not trying to rush things. It’s not about forcing happiness. It’s about not letting sadness win.

Sometimes…You don’t choose who you fall for. You just fall and you get this person who is all wrong, but yet so right. You know that you like them so much, except sometimes they drive you insane and no one can explain. Maybe I need more time…to accept who he is and who he will never be.

Sometimes…I have a long list of things to say but I will look over at him, I leave it alone and just want to say, “You amaze me”.

I promised myself that I would never learn to regret that I met him, for liking him and for falling for him. But because it is hurting me, I tend to forget that promises were meant to be broken and indeed it was. I’d rather love someone I can’t have than have someone I can’t love. It’s no wonder my marriage failed.

Sometimes…His lips tell me that he’s afraid of what people will say, what others think of him, but his eyes tell me that he’s fearless. And I get lost in them.

Sometimes…when I hear him speak, all I can hear are all his insecurities wound up. Do people really believe they are not special? I think the reason some people think they are not special, and maybe even think they are nothing, is because no one has ever fought for them. I have been fortunate to have people who care enough to fight for me, to walk me off the edge, to make me feel like I am the only one in the room. I believe that if I was really, truly, worth it, that someone would’ve fought for me to stay, but instead, I end up walking away.

It’s the worst feeling in the world to love and hate someone all at the same time. And it’s hard to watch things change when all you want is for them to stay the same. It’s funny but stupid how you want everything and nothing at the same time. It’s crazy when you want to let go, but you keep holding on. And when you want to move on, but you’re stuck right where you started. When feelings come and go and you can’t decide what you want. When you have so many things to say but you don’t know where to start. When you want them in your life so bad, but all you can do is push them farther and farther away because you can see into the future.

Sometimes, I wish I weren’t so smart.

Sometimes, I wish I weren’t so perceptive.

Sometimes, I wish I weren’t so honest.

Sometimes, I wish I weren’t so complicated.

I have never been strong enough to stay. People say that walking away is the hardest thing to do, but it isn’t. Staying, even when you know it will break your heart, is the hardest thing.

Staying right where you are, waiting for your entire world to be ripped into pieces is much harder than walking away and starting a new one.

Sometimes… there’s nothing to say.

Sometimes… silence expresses more than words. Picking up the phone, dialing a number…it can do more damage than good but humans are afflicted with this obsessive desire, to talk things to death. So we make things worse, just by trying to make it better. Some feelings don’t go away, they just get avoided.

Sometimes…living today like it may be your last…can be avoidance or an excuse…

The sun does not use the excuse of clouds to stop shining its light, for it knows that clouds will always come and go.

I am a realist, still a hopeful, dreamer…contradiction…nah!  Complex yes!

Over tired and confused …why do so many conclude that people are too complicated?!  We’d like to have an instruction manual to know what to do, but, of course, it doesn’t exist.

Most people see what their eyes allow them to perceive.  What is bigger than their vision “doesn’t exist” and, what is constituted by more elements than what they can manage is “complicated”.  Before we can even begin to understand and accept a complicated person we have two choices: widening our comprehension of reality or keeping things simple.  Simple to me usually equals boring.

I don’t do well with boring.  When one is getting aware that things are bigger and more profound than what one thought one gets to think in terms of how people are complicated.

What happens is that one is awakening to human complexity. Welcome to reality.

*sigh* Ramblings of a sleep deprived rubik’s cube….yup…that is how I am feeling!

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About Teresita

I am a writer, a thinker, an introvert, work behind the scenes kind of person - I am of Puerto Rican blood, have an Italian soul, and a Berliner mind....just learning...♥ View all posts by Teresita

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