Missing my brother…he is my Angel…

I truly can’t believe my baby brother has been gone now for 18 years.  Seriously where does the time go?!  Today I woke up and the sun was shining and I was thinking nice, peaceful thoughts and then it just happens like it just hits me – I can’t breathe, I don’t want to get out of bed, I don’t want to see anyone. I don’t want to talk to anyone. I miss him so much. It’s so hard to lose someone you love – all the words in the world can’t take away this sadness I feel at times. But I try to live my life the best I can. I try to live my life fully for him too….he was only 25 years young, taken from us at the beginning of his prime.  So many things he didn’t get to do, or experience…so I keep that in mind as I live my life.  Life after death…I have found the will over and over again to live every day. Death…that is why I never stay mad at anyone – I imagine them dead, so it’s easier to forgive them. I believe that there is some order, some purpose to all of this. I have stopped asking why my little brother. It still hurts so much but I have accepted that it has happened and whatever the reasons, they are not for me to know. But I would be lying if I said I didn’t wish I could just hear his voice one more time…

For a long time, I thought it would be easier, better not to invest in people – they leave, they die. Scary. But now I have learned that the alternative is so much worse. I am not going to convince anyone that losing AJ has made me a better person, I sometimes still get angry, sad. And most days it hurts so much, I can’t breathe. But the thought of never having had AJ in my life – now that would have been truly unbearable.

Love you, AJ. Missing you….xo to my Angels… ♥♥

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About Teresita

I am a writer, a thinker, an introvert, work behind the scenes kind of person - I am of Puerto Rican blood, have an Italian soul, and a Berliner mind....just learning...♥ View all posts by Teresita

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