Monthly Archives: August 2012

Blue moon…

Written By Mike Wall – Published August 31, 2012 – Space.com:

A blue moon will grace the night sky tonight (Aug. 31), giving skywatchers their last chance to observe this celestial phenomenon for nearly three years.

The moon will wax to its full phase at 9:58 a.m. EDT (1358 GMT) today, bringing August’s full moon count to two (the first one occurred Aug. 1). Two full moons won’t rise in a single month again until July 2015.

But don’t expect tonight’s full moon to actually appear blue, unless you’re peering through a thick haze of volcanic ash or forest fire smoke. “Blue Moon” is not a reference to the satellite’s observed color.

The term has long been used to describe rare or absurd happenings. And farmers once employed it to denote the third full moon in a season — spring, summer, autumn or winter — that has four full moons instead of the usual three.

‘The next time you walk outside on a clear night and see the moon smiling down at you, think of Neil Armstrong and give him a wink.’

– Armstrong family statement

This somewhat obscure and complicated definition, in fact, is found in the 1937 edition of the “Maine Farmers’ Almanac.” But in 1946, a writer for “Sky and Telescope” magazine misinterpreted it, declaring a blue moon to be the second full moon in a month with two of them.

Widespread adoption of the new (and incorrect) definition apparently began in 1980, after the popular radio program “StarDate” used it during a show.

Blue moons occur because lunar months are not synched up perfectly with our calendar months. It takes the moon 29.5 days to orbit Earth, during which time we see the satellite go through all of its phases. But every calendar month (except February) has 30 or 31 days, so two full moons occasionally get squeezed into a single month.

Though the phrase “once in a blue moon” suggests the phenomenon is exceedingly rare, that’s not quite the case. On average, blue moons come around once every 2.7 years, making them more common than the Summer Olympics, or a presidential election in the United States.

Some years even boast two blue moons. This last happened in 1999, and it will occur again in 2018.

Tonight’s blue moon also happens to fall on the day of late astronaut, Neil Armstrong’s memorial service.   Armstrong, who on July 20, 1969 became the first person to set foot on the moon, died Aug. 25 following complications from heart surgery.

So stargazers may want to keep Armstrong’s “one small step” in mind as they gaze up tonight.

“For those who may ask what they can do to honor Neil, we have a simple request,” Armstrong’s family wrote in a statement shortly after his death. “Honor his example of service, accomplishment and modesty, and the next time you walk outside on a clear night and see the moon smiling down at you, think of Neil Armstrong and give him a wink.”

Couldn’t resist…

Blue Moon
You saw me standing alone
Without a dream in my heart
Without a love of my own
Blue Moon
You know just what I was there for
You heard me saying a prayer for
Someone I really could care for

And then there suddenly appeared before me
The only one my arms will hold
I heard somebody whisper please adore me
And when I looked to the Moon it turned to gold

Blue Moon
Now I’m no longer alone
Without a dream in my heart
Without a love of my own…♥

Advertisements

Makings of a Perfect Day…

I just got home after experiencing an almost perfect day!  Almost because it had to end…and I didn’t get to share the blue moon.  Thank you my Montville friend.

Avon by the Sea…

Towels

Beach chairs

Champagne

Orange Juice

Ice

Cigars

Walk on the water

Yelled at by the rocks

House hunting

Day dreaming

Flirting

Scallops and bacon

Great easy conversation

A bright sunny day

Gentle breeze

Blowing in from the ocean

I can’t imagine

A more perfect day…

All the senses heightened…almost perfect day… ♥

Felt the wind upon my face
We got to the spot and the sun was hot
Everybody was feelin’ fine
So we jumped on in for a midday swim and we lost all track of time

It was the perfect day
What I’d give if I could find a way to stay
lost in this moment now
Ain’t worried about tomorrow when you’re busy living in a perfect day.

 

 


Beautiful…a place where I can breathe…

Who knew that attempting to survive a Zumba class yesterday, we would hear of a beautiful song and be reminded of the original place I heard it – the movie, “The Secret Life of Bees”?!

So of course I had to re-watch it!  Ah now to some of my fav quotes:

“Someone who thinks death is the scariest thing doesn’t know a thing about life.”

“Knowing can be a curse on a person’s life. I’d traded in a pack of lies for a pack of truth, and I didn’t know which one was heavier. Which one took the most strength to carry around? It was a ridiculous question, though, because once you know the truth, you can’t ever go back and pick up your suitcase of lies. Heavier or not, the truth is yours now.”

“I have noticed that if you look carefully at people’s eyes the first five seconds they look at you, the truth of their feelings will shine through for just an instant before it flickers away.”

“The body knows things a long time before the mind catches up to them. I was wondering what my body knew that I didn’t.”

“I worried so much about how I looked and whether I was doing things right, I felt half the time I was impersonating a girl instead of really being one.”

“People, in general, would rather die than forgive. It’s that hard. If God said in plain language, “I’m giving you a choice, forgive or die,” a lot of people would go ahead and order their coffin.”

“You’ve been halfway living your life for too long. May was saying that when it’s time to die, go ahead and die, and when it’s time to live, live. Don’t sort-of-maybe live, but live like you’re going all out, like you’re not afraid.”

“Make the world better. Take the meanness out of people’s hearts.”

Yes…live each moment, forgive, move forward…no regrets.  Honesty hurts.  Such is life I guess.  ♥

The time is right
I’m gonna pack my bags
And take that journey down the road
Cause over the mountain I see the bright sun shinning
And I want to live inside the glow
Yeah

I wanna go to place where I am nothing and everything
That exists between here and nowhere
I wanna go to a place time as no consequence oh yeah
The sky opens to my prayers

I wanna go to beautiful, beautiful, beautiful,
I wanna go to beautiful, beautiful, beautiful,
I wanna go to beautiful, beautiful, beautiful,
I wanna go to beautiful, beautiful, beautiful,

Please understand that it not that I don’t care
But right know these wall are closing in on me
I love you more than I love life itself

But I need to find a place where I can breathe
I can breathe
I wanna go to place where I can hold the intangible
And let go of the pain with all my might

I wanna go to a place where I am suspended in ecstasy
Some where between dark and light
Where wrong becomes right

I wanna go to beautiful, beautiful, beautiful,
I wanna go to beautiful, beautiful, beautiful,
I wanna go to beautiful, beautiful, beautiful,
I wanna go to beautiful, beautiful, beautiful…


Words to a song that truly resonate….

This is a song for every girl who’s ever been through something she thought she couldn’t make it through, yeah
I sing these words because I was that that girl too
Wanting something better than this but who do I turn to?
Now we’re moving from the darkness into the light
This is the defining moment of our lives, mmmmmhh

Cause you’re beautiful like a flower
More valuable than a diamond
You are powerful like a fire
You can heal the world with your mind
And there is nothing in the world that you cannot do
When you believe in you
Who are beautiful
Yeah you, who are brilliant
Yeah you, who are powerful
Yeah you, who are resilient

This is a song for every girl who feels that she is not special
Cause she don’t look like a supermodel, Coke bottle
The next time the radio tells you to shake your money maker
Shake your head and tell them, tell ’em you’re a leader
Now we’re moving from the darkness into the light
This is the defining moment of our lives, Yeah
Cause you’re beautiful like a flower
More valuable than a diamond
You are powerful like a fire
You can heal the world with your mind
And there is nothing in the world that you cannot do
When you believe in you
Who are beautiful
Yeah you, who are brilliant
Yeah you, who are powerful
Yeah you, who are resilient
Yeah you, who are beautiful
Yeah you, who are brilliant
Yeah you, who are powerful
Yeah you, who are resilient
Yeah you, this song is for you
Yeah you, this song is for you
Yeah you, this song is for you

Yeah you
Yeah you, you are brilliant


T’s Pushing people away…again…

Trying really hard not to.  Every time I get sick, start feeling overwhelmed, feeling sorry for myself, I push people away.  I just can’t deal.  Some people make it easy.  My true friends give me the space I need but they won’t allow me to fully disappear.  Thank goodness.  I wish I could take back some things the past two weeks.  But I guess we really don’t get do-overs, do we?!

Yes, a part of me understands why things had to happen this way. I understand the reasons for causing me this pain and anxiety . But mere understanding does not chase away the hurt nor pain.  There are times when life suddenly casts a shadow before us: we suffer for sins we did not even commit, we go through situations we certainly do not deserve to be in. In such times, we have so many questions throbbing at the back of our minds, but the biggest of them all is “WHY?”  “Why ME!?!  Again…”

Pain = Pushed people away = Higher anxiety ~ Cycle?!

I have sadly learned that an answer is not really forthcoming.  I know I will not hear answers to these questions; the pain remains, life stands still, and I can’t do anything but wait ‘til everything’s over, until I can move on again like I used to, when my body didn’t fail me and my heart wasn’t shattered yet into the thousand lonely pieces they broke into.  Here is my most important question, and that is “HOW?”

How do I deal with my feelings of brokenness? How to continue moving forward? Where is my smile again?  Like many people, I’ve been through dark and painful moments in my life as well, moments I wanted to skip, moments when what I really wanted the most is to have my own time machine so I can either go back where I was happy, or fast forward anywhere in the future where I can find myself again. But no machine like that has ever been invented yet, and the only way to move from the terrible place where I stand is to continue going through the dark tunnel ahead that will lead me towards the new beginning I’m looking forward to.   *sigh*  I know once I do what the doctors suggest, I will be back on my journey.  But am I really ready?!

Sending an apology to my friends…out into the universe… I don’t mean to push you away.

I don’t have a fear of intimacy.  I don’t fear someone seeing the real me (well maybe this minute since my eyes hurt from crying).  I don’t fear someone might leave me.  I don’t fear that I might get hurt.  I recently met someone who I feel sabotaged their relationships, by allowing fear push people away.  I felt like it was the good old, “I’m gonna get you before you get me” syndrome, where someone behaves poorly to drive the other person away or just flat out breaks-up for no real good reason.  I have also seen people who sabotage themselves by consistently looking for things to fight about, to be jealous about or to be critical of.

But that’s not me – today I am admitting that I am pushing some people away because I have this inane belief that they can’t handle my life.  My uncertainty.  My getting sick.  My honesty.

So I am trying so hard to find and hold onto…accept, challenge, patience, love, strength, don’t dwell, learn, pray, laugh, cry, believe…keep breathing…hoping…

I don’t plan too far ahead…too much expectation, too much disappointment, too much illusion.  I tend to live from day to day.  Mostly it’s from moment to moment…gets me to the next step.  Pain is pain and suffering is suffering. There is no magic pill or any kind of painkiller that we can take to prevent us from feeling our hurts. We have to bear it head on and cling to the thought that things will definitely change for the better.  “I have deep sorrow today, and an unclear vision of the future. But nobody ever died of loneliness – only of hopelessness! As long as I have hope, no problem is ever too difficult, no night ever so dark that it can prevent the rising of another day!”

Can joy still exist even in my sorrows?!

Yes – although right this second, as I write this I am not fully embracing this but I do believe that joy and sorrow can definitely exist at the same time.  Someone deep down, I know I am going to get through this current hurdle.   Somewhere in my heart, there is a chamber of joy that has remained intact, untouched, forever guiding me in me most troublesome days and paths.  Faith, hope, loving myself…protects me and my happiness.

I didn’t realize the power of a secret I’ve been keeping. I didn’t notice the constant weight hanging on my shoulders. I didn’t realize the enormity of it all until I let it out today and now again via this post and I feel like I am slowly learning how to breathe again.

It’s nice to put trust into someone who speaks in “when’s” and not “if’s.” It’s nice to know that, despite how heavy and deep and painful a secret may be, there’s at least one person who’s willing to accept what you’ve told them and be honest when they tell you, “it’s not okay…but you’re going to be.”  Thank you – you know who you are….my rock, my sanity.  And ♥mm♥ is there too – even with September 11 fast approaching and my sadness hitting an all time high.  Talk about timing!

I have allowed some wrong people in my life this year, as well as learning to cherish the right people.  Still learning.  I think I will continue to look at most things as though they are my first time, as though it will be my last.  I will continue to pray, smile, and love!


Tuesday Tears…

Tuesdays should be off limits for bad news.  No?!   I wonder if people dread the doctors as much as I do.  You would think I would be so used to them by now.  But no, never.  Talk about anxiety.  I swear I experience “white coat syndrome” – a phenomenon in which people exhibit elevated blood pressure in a clinical setting but not in other settings.   It is believed that this is due to the anxiety some people experience during a clinic visit.  Yup!  That’s me.  I usually experience social anxiety – but my blood pressure doesn’t usually elevate.

So bad news…I was sort of expecting it, but still hard to accept.  I am crying myself out so then tomorrow I can move forward with a new plan to stay healthy.

I am no longer allowing my past dictate my future. nor allowing my being sick a lot define me or rob me of feeling beautiful and being productive.

Nope.  Not Again.

I will always find small ways to create and enjoy moments.  I will continue to dress stylish despite my weight gain; I will get my hair done and skip lunch.  *sigh* I will cut back on the Pepsi and drink more water.

For years, I was doing so much for other people that I had started to neglect myself. I am finally once again putting myself at the top of the priority list.  Adopting the right attitude…maybe even of that of a “Divatude”…although not sure if I can pull that off.  🙂

Learning to focus on the beautiful moments and not dwell on the hardships, especially the challenging painful days that lie ahead. Grateful for all the blessings and opportunities.  May they keep coming…♥


Being Altruistic…”Keeping Hope Alive” (MLK)…♥

What a day!  What a weekend!  Many may view my life as pretty sad – trust me I have called my life that myself many more times than I care to admit.  But as down as I am, I try to remember that there are many others worse off than me.  I usually find that giving back in some small way is good for the soul.  I don’t have much but my heart is full and I am forever grateful.

I find that being altruistic, and reaching out to help others, not only benefits the person being helped, but practicing altruism also has many benefits for the person doing the helping.  Trust me I am proof.  I try to help others because I truly believe that reaching out in some small way is one of the greatest gifts of the heart.  I sometimes wish I had all the answers though and a crystal ball.

I have been doing some type of volunteer work for the past 15+ years; and it never fails to make me FEEL!  Sometimes I feel happy, relieved, worthy, determined, purposeful…but other times I have felt heartbroken.  Saturday was a good day.  Raised money, was able to help provide close to 200 elementary school aged children get school supplies.  But this evening was a different day.  Children in distress – emotional abuse, broken homes, anger residing.  I grew up in Newark, NJ but was luckily sheltered to the real ugliness that permeates the city.

I met a little 10 year old today that was using his fists and hitting a brick wall when I asked what he was doing and if he was okay, he answered “No!  I have to hit, I am angry”.   He didn’t want to go home. I took him for a walk, we chatted as he drank two bottles of water.  Sounds so simple but it was hard – all I wanted to do was hug him and take him home.  I found myself many times tonight at a loss for words.  So I listened. And prayed.  And will continue to do so…

So I cry and I pray that my tears help someone else….more in need than me.  ♥

Some of my favorite quotes that remind me what living is all about…

“You will find, as you look back on your life, that the moments that stand out are the moments when you have done things for others.” – Henry Drummond

“Down in their hearts, wise men know this truth: the only way to help yourself  is to help others.” – Elbert Hubbard

“Charity and personal force are the only investments worth anything.” – Walt Whitman

“It is one of the most beautiful compensations of life that no person can sincerely try to help another without helping themselves.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

“To laugh often and much, to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children, to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends, to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others, to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition, to know even one life has breathed easier because
you have lived, THIS is to have succeeded.”
 – Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Make it a rule…never to lie down at night without being able to say, “I have made one human being at least a little wiser, a little happier or a little better this day.” – Charles Kingsley


T’s Thursday Thoughts…

Tired.  My most recent Rx for insomnia not working…*sigh*  I am so tired that I have realized what makes me the most exhausted is having to repeat myself over and over again to some people.  I will no longer feel the need to explain myself.  If a person doesn’t understand me, its on them.  If a person doesn’t like what I say, its on them.  I have adopted the new stance:  No longer justifying my feelings, my actions.  Only in a court of law, will I feel the need to justify.

We often feel the need to justify our feelings, like everyone outside is watching and forming judgments.  I guess its because the truth is they often are.  But I have learned that we have choices.  We can either explain ourselves to ensure how we’d like to be seen, even though in reality, we can’t actually control that or we can just focus on feeling and learning from our emotions, since that’s something within our power.  So I opt for the latter.

Instead of pretending you feel fine—and explaining why it may seem otherwise—let yourself feel your emotions to so you can discover what you need to do to move past them. Instead of explaining why you don’t seem perfect, let yourself be human without apologies.

Sometimes it makes sense to explain yourself—when someone misunderstands, or when you hurt someone accidentally. But most often the only person who needs an explanation is you so you can accept and work through whatever is on your mind.

Today if you’re tempted to justify your emotions, remember: You can’t control what other people think. But if you can accept yourself in this moment, you may discover what you need to do to feel better–instead of just trying to look better.  Yup.

I am sure we have all heard the saying, “Never let someone be your priority, while you remain their option” – but how many actually follow this sage advice?!  I know I have not in the past…but I am working on it…

It’s no secret I have a weakness — I see people better than they really are or better than they see themselves. My expectations and trust of people always gets the best of me because I place them high on top of the totem pole instead of leaving room for their faults and issues so, when they do something that goes against what I think of them; I always, always end up being disappointed and in tears. When getting involved in a romantic relationship this kind of thinking has always lead to my own personal heartbreak because I chose to make a man my priority when he only considers me his option.

I am no longer choosing to be this way, at this point and stage in my life I am choosing to be selfish in life and in love. I’m choosing to look out for me and no one else.   I should feel a little jaded about life and love, but I don’t.

In 2012, my year of possibilities, I am choosing to be my own priority and not anyone’s option. I have learned that being an option is not a relationship; you are just filling a void for that particular time and place. You probably see each other when it is convenient for the other person, without them considering if it works for you. Around to stroke their ego.  Being an option means getting that last minute call when all their other plans have fallen through and you are their last resort.   When you are priority, you know that you are a priority. Being a priority is being in a relationship; it does not need to be spoken where and with whom you are spending your free time, you both are making time for each other according to both schedules and are making plans in advance. Being a priority is like being a rare one of a kind precious item that someone will whole-heartedly cherish and will always be the featured showcase, their pride and joy. Being a priority is not just about the sex; it’s about building a foundation of friendship that blossoms into a solid and firm relationship. It means going on dates, having good conversations, meeting the important people in his/ her life. If you are a priority and it’s important to him/her then they should make an effort to incorporate you into their life and vice versa. Get the picture? If you are being treated like an option instead of a priority, all I ask is that you have the courage to walk away…this brings me back to not having to explain myself anymore, too.

Life is too short to play with people’s emotions, that’s how people get hurt …  start being accountable for your actions…

Life is about trust, love and self-respect…but it must start with yourself…I am learning how to put myself first and to take care of myself – FAST

The F is fair and that means being fair to myself by not engaging when I don’t feel like it, not looking for approval, and setting boundaries (something was not demonstrated to me by my family when I was growing up).

The A is for no apologies. I don’t have to explain myself. This is a big one!! I have spent a VERY big portion of my life justifying my behavior to others.  I don’t owe anyone an explanation.

The S is for sticking to my values. It serves no purpose to get caught up in something I wouldn’t normally do. I deserve respect and I have to keep to my own values for myself and not get caught up into wanting to be accepted and giving in to other people’s beliefs.  I am no longer in HS!

The T is for truthfulness. There’s no reason to lie. I don’t have to participate in a discussion that I don’t want to be led into. It’s okay to just say, “I don’t want to talk right now.” AND let it go. I’m not responsible for the feelings of others.

It’s all about T…today, tomorrow…♥


The Secret…

So…I took a car service home tonight, and a very young man was my driver; he couldn’t be more than 25 years old.  He asked me how I was and I said, “Tired but good”….he says that was a welcome answer since so many people he sees and hears just complain.

He told me that a friend gave him a book titled, “The Secret”; and asked if I read it.  “Yes!”  Interestingly, my ex-mother-in-law gave me the book as her son and I were going through our divorce.  This young man reminded me of a young me full of hope, faith and change.

I wonder how may fans and critics are out there of this book.  This can be a controversial book.  But as with everything, we must take all with a grain of salt and a bushel of caution.  It is based on the theory of Law of Attraction and claims that positive thinking  can create life-changing results such as increased wealth, health, and happiness.

I enjoyed reading it.  I even enjoyed watching the video from 2006 – interviews with leading authors, philosophers, scientists, with an in-depth discussion of the Law of Attraction.

Some quotes that stick with me are:

“A year ago, my life had collapsed around me. I’d worked myself into exhaustion. My father died suddenly, and my relationships were in turmoil. Little did I know at the time, out of my greatest despair was to come the greatest gift. I’d been given a glimpse of a great Secret.”

“That principal can be summed up in three simple words. Thoughts. Become. Things.”

“Three-step creative process for manifesting dreams is introduced: Ask (visualize in the film), Believe, and Receive. This creative process is based on a quote from the Bible:  “And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive.” (Matthew 21:22)”

May we all find our own inner positive thinking, forward moving theory.

“I have been studying me for 44 years. I – mwah! I want to kiss myself.”  YES!  Double muah for ME!  ♥


Glass half full or empty…randomness…

Hmmm….going out for drink(s) again this evening…does that suggest that I engage in drinking as an extension of my happiness, or as an act of desperation or depression….only time will tell, I am sure.

Feeling social anxiety…


%d bloggers like this: