Someone asked me yesterday, if I believe in God; if I was religious, and if I regularly go to Church. I paused. Many eons ago, I would not have paused, nor questioned my faith. But so many things have happened…so many “Why me?” moments. There have been so many “How can God let this happen to good people” moments.
I admit that I have always struggled with faith, the pre-boxed, Christian variety anyway. I knew when I was young I wanted something to believe in – that there was a reason why we go through the world struggling and in emotional pain. But so many bad things made me feel empty and devoid of purpose.
Eventually I came to realize that life just happens. No, there probably isn’t any reason for any of the bad stuff.
Shit. Just. Happens.
To me now, faith means that things could get better. Just as shit happens, good things happen too and faith is really just hope.
I have had plenty dark moments in my life when I’ve given up hope; when I’ve seen no light at the end of the tunnel and could only see endless darkness. There are times I wondered to myself, “Why bother? Why take up valuable oxygen when it’s all for nothing anyway?”. But hope keeps me going because, as much as it might not seem it, I am very optimistic. Still see that glass half full! There is a huge part of me that understands things happen for a reason and while I have realized it’s more often than not just to teach us a lesson, hope is something worth having faith in.
The last 10 years have been hellish but I somehow kept my head and always believed and I always hoped for better. Because things will get better. They have to. And here I am – proof of that!
I don’t believe there is any reason for our existence except the laws of nature, and our own will to live. To me that is enough. Why should I live on? Because I want to, and this little precious life is the only one I’m going to have, so I better make the most of the time I got here. I don’t see why people would need any more reason to be alive and live their lives than that. Of course then there’s all the ideological stuff like making a better world and helping other people live enjoyable lives, which is all great of course.
Shit happens. To me that is comfort: it can happen to anyone, there are no favorites for any supreme being who deals out joy and sorrow, my illnesses for example are not a punishment for something I maybe did. Things just happen, and people can in some part affect on how things play out. I also find great comfort from the fact that “We’re all fucked” (George Carlin), as it tells me that we’re on the same boat here, all of us, together. We don’t have a meaning in the great cosmos, but we do have meaning to ourselves. It also puts things in perspective.
“We always attract into our lives whatever we think about the most, believe in most strongly, expect on the deepest levels, and/or imagine most vividly.” So think only good things, close your eyes and imagine all good things, make them happen…I am…♥