Today’s’ oppressive heat, has kept me indoors and online longer than I wanted but such is life with temps in the triple digits. So I joined two, yes two – not one, online dating sites, and you think I would be getting better at weeding through all the serial daters, the players and just the losers. Who remembers the movie, Singles?? The 1992 grunge movie, I was reminded of just what terrified me so much about online dating: a phenomenon we can call “chasing the popcorn.”
For me, it refers to the idea that no matter how many provisions, expectations, rules and filters you put on someone to make sure they fit a “perfect match” criteria, you can’t fake chemistry. Who recalls the scene where Debbie spends a ton of time, money and energy on a dating service called “Expect the Best”. She finally picks bicycle guy to date and she completely transforms herself – from the outside in trying to impress a virtual stranger, perfect on paper. She pretends to be a cycling enthusiast and actually ends up missing the date; only to later find bicycle guy at her apartment making popcorn with her roommate. Pammy essentially makes the popcorn (natural chemistry with bicycle guy), and Debbie ends up fruitlessly chasing the popcorn – despite all her hard work. Yup! Single life, dating…is beyond lousy! Lol
Though the movie, Singles, is set in a time before socially-acceptable online dating practices came into existence, I now see it was a good indicator of the online dating outcome I’m ultimately afraid of — trying too hard for chemistry. It’s also an excuse to relate more of life to a movie I’ve shamelessly loved since I saw it in college…can’t lie!
If looking for the right one, you can’t fight chemistry. You can’t make it happen the way you want, when you want, with whomever you want. But online dating sure makes it seem that way.
I find it sad that at our age, so many people online still aren’t honest about what they really want. I think so many of the guys online, are really looking for some kind of booty call situation – well maybe they should try Craigslist as an option. I met one guy, seemingly normal guy who said he was looking for a long-term relationship, only to find out that he’s just looking to have sex. Which would have been fine, well not with me, but I would have understood and not even bothered if he were only honest to begin with. I am not here to judge anyone, people should be able to want and go after what they want. I just would like some honesty.
I truly don’t want to become a serial dater…The type of person who is just perpetually in love, or “in love with the idea of being in love”. This is a centuries-old phenomenon, much like the Romeo character at the beginning of “Romeo & Juliet”. Some people enjoys the feeling of “falling in love”, only to have their high hopes, naive assumptions, or romantic illusions be disappointed upon getting to know the object of their affection a little better. As the old saying goes, familiarity breeds contempt. *sigh* I hope not.
I don’t want to be one of those serial daters who utilizes all the different dating methods to attain their high level of social interaction with the opposite sex. In fact, any new type of dating technique is an opportunity to seek romance and companionship. I am learning that some of these people like the feeling, belief that they will never experience the “No Danger of Being Alone” since there seems to be a never-ending a pool of people out there you can social network with. Or one of those who crave the “Romantic Challenges” – constantly feeling the need to ‘chase’ – that is what drives them, needing the affirmation or challenge that coming from winning over an unattainable person.
I just want to find someone I can honestly connect with, someone who pronounces my name correctly, someone who actually wants to plan a date and go out, enjoy, then drops me off, thinks about me until our next date. I am finding the simple most elusive right now – that chemistry, that longing, that one guy who knows how with just a look, a gesture to make me feel like the most important person. Missing ♥mm♥