I never thought I would be so happy for Monday to come around. This weekend was rough. I am tired. TIRED. I am tired of unbalanced relationships. I am hurt. HURT.
I guess I was brought up to be invisible; taught to be very tuned into others’ feelings and needs, but to never have any of my own. For years, I have felt that as a person, I didn’t really exist, other than to be there for others. No more.
In the past, when I had feelings and needs, I would tell myself that they weren’t important; that I was strong and could handle not having my feelings cared about or my needs understood. I convinced myself that if I just cared enough about others, others would eventually care about me. Well, it never happened…
It’s taken a toll. The inner stress of never attending to my own feelings and needs and always feeling so invisible to others as a result finally took a toll on my health. Because of this, I am FINALLY really tending to myself.
Tired of feeling unappreciated, unseen, not valued. I understand why this has happened…and how much of this is a reflection of how I have treated myself in the past.
Since my own feelings and needs were shut down and invisible to myself, of course they ended up being invisible to others. I have finally learned that it is not realistic to constantly put myself aside and then expect others to value and respect me.
Anytime you tolerate uncaring or disrespectful behavior in others to avoid conflict, you are training others to see you as invisible, to not care about your feelings and needs. If you have been allowing yourself to be invisible for a long time, it is a real challenge to start to care about yourself.
So here I am…I am now going through a difficult period of feeling others’ anger and resentment. I allowed others for years to not have to care about me, and now I am changing the rules. And I no longer care who doesn’t like it. I am learning who really cares about me and who has just been using me.
It takes great courage to shift from invisibility to being seen and valued. It takes great courage to be willing to lose others rather than continue to lose myself. I am not losing myself ever again. I hope that others won’t wait so long, until you are ill or feel alone and cast aside by others to start to practice this loving yourself and become visible to yourself.
It starts with ME – with learning to tune into, acknowledge, value, and take loving action for myself regarding my own feelings and needs. It means moving into personal responsibility for my own feelings and needs rather than taking care of everyone else in the hopes they will eventually take care of you. If you are ever going to feel cared for and loved, it has to start with you caring about and being loving to yourself!
No more friendships or relationships that are one-sided, tired of people who become too busy at the last moment, unable to devote the same amount of time to the relationship. All relationships take effort, two people willing to make time, etc. No longer will I be that one person who repeatedly calls, texts or emails to get a response from another. Tired of people who only think of me, or reach out to me, when they need a favor or something. Tired of being at the whim of another in terms of plans, frequency of get-togethers, and activities. Just tired.
So….alone I am….I have stopped spending time with the wrong people. Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you. If someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you. You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot. Never, ever insist yourself to someone who continuously overlooks your worth. And remember, it’s not the people that stand by your side when you’re at your best, but the ones who stand beside you when you’re at your worst that are your true friends. ♥