Sure it may be Mother’s Day but I prefer to call it Mothering Day. I think we all have it in us to be mothering – nurturers of dreams, of beauty and of love. I am so conflicted today. My Mother is still alive, but I am choosing not to spend any real time with her nor with my sisters. I am trying to remain in a good place and all my mother does is put me down. So many of her comments to me, rip me to shreds, especially on days like this: “Real women have children”, “God didn’t think you were special enough to give you children”. For years, I felt like a failure because I could not have children. It still hurts. But I have learned through the years that giving birth does not make someone a mother. And I have learned that I no longer need my Mother’s approval. I choose to no longer deal with the drama.
For years, I took to volunteering for children, tried spoiling my nieces and nephew because it filled a void in me. The neighborhood kids love me – well mainly because of my cute Chili dog. But I love to see the little faces light up and the things they say – wow – funny. Sure I may have missed out on a lot by not being able to have my own child, but I know that I have been emotionally touched by so many more children and I hope I have made a difference in one.