Started root canal this week and the last thing I want to do this weekend is deal with my family. Dreading the holiday weekend. Sad to say, but the truth.
When you learn to accept instead of expect, you’ll surely avoid getting hurt and you’ll have fewer disappointments. This what I have been focusing most of my energies for a while.
I have learned that when it came to my family, I was the problem because my expectations were off track. False hope that things could be better, feel closer, kept me trying and sucked in and inappropriately connected. For so long, I have wanted what I could not have – a mom who’s proud of me, a step-father who doesn’t pit people against each other, a sister you can trust and depend on. When I finally accepted the face value of my painful situation instead of the fantasy, it has been a little easier to live with.
I have learned that I needed to set some strong boundaries when I felt they were treating me badly. I have screened my calls, picked what gatherings I attend, unfortunately had to limit contact with my nieces and nephew in the past… And truthfully, I have just started and continue to set my expectations pretty low. Casual activity that doesn’t get emotional is ideal, unless they are so destructive you should cut them off completely, like my older sister. I have tried but sometimes people just suck the energy out of you.
Think of it this way. If a female bear was around a grouchy adult male who was bullying her and her cubs, do you really think she’d try to get snuggle up next to him each time he came around? No! She’d either hightail it out of the area or put up a fight if absolutely necessary. She wouldn’t stay around and take it, hoping he’d get into a better mood one of these times.
So already feeling the pain of the root canal, and lack of sleep…and now preparing myself for a stressful few hours this holiday weekend. I just have to think about what the protective mother bear would do.
I’ve learned that you can’t make someone love you. Some people are incapable of seeing the good in others. And I have allowed myself to follow my gut and stay away from the vampires.
I am sure there has to be others that have friends or family that seem to oooze negativity! If you don’t than that is wonderful and probably a miracle…Negative people are like black holes, they suck the life right out of you… On the surface the people around you may seem very nice but they have a tendency to drain all your energy and hence they have the ability to suck the life out of you…whether it be from insecurity, jealousy or just plain malice.
I have gotten to the point of when people that are extremely negative and have nothing good to say or do, I just tune them out or should I say try to tune them out…I’m not sure if this is a good approach, but it seems to work for the most part…I can understand if a person needs someone to listen to them or to sound things out and get advice… But what about the person who talks and talks and talks about how everything is so bad and refuses to do anything to help their situation.
I know I am at times a negative person and am continually trying to overcome that and look at the cup half full rather than half empty – except my wine glass! It’s a lot easier said than done. When I see others that are so extreme in their own negativity, it has a way of making me look at myself and make sure what I am saying or doing isn’t negative. So I guess in a way my family has been helpful to me in ways they are not even aware of I am sure. We all have our moments and I personally think that is OK, as long as you don’t let those feelings overcome you and take over your life or suck the life out of others around you…
If you don’t like something change it; if you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.