Monthly Archives: April 2012

The power of hugs, smiles, quiet…

Last week was one of the hardest for me at my new job.  Its going on a month since I have started this job and being the new girl has been more difficult than I imagined….trying to fit in, learn new procedures, new faces, new names, etc.  Exhausting.  A little daunting.  All making me a little sad.  And here it is Sunday afternoon already and I am getting a little anxious.  *sigh*

One day last week, after a long commute after work, I was on my way home, and ran into an old friend, neighbor, a ‘what if’ person, gave me a hug…and I could not breathe…and I think it took me a few days to realize that I missed being hugged.  The simple power of a hug…who knew?!  It was a little happiness in an unexpected hug!  “Everybody needs a hug.  It changes your metabolism”  ~Leo Buscaglia

In the past when people tried to hug me, I always found myself to be awkward, boxed in, distancing myself – never fully embracing the other person nor the idea of the hug itself.  But I don’t want to be so closed off.  I want more hugs, I think no?  😉

I tend to be the type of person who is a loner; I get quiet, go inside of myself, guarding against hurt.  I tend to go inside, needing one-on-one time with myself to figure things out, put things in perspective.  I do struggle to put myself out there, but I won’t stop trying.

How do I choose to be happy before anything good happens to make me feel happy?  Ever hear of the Buddhist monk, Thich Nhat Hanh?  “Smile five times a day for no good reason.”  Smiling actually produces a biological effect in your body. It sends chemicals racing around your body and actually lifts your spirits. Try this today. Then, every day this week, smile five times a day for no good reason.  Do it standing in the shower. Do it walking down the street, or working at your desk. For no good reason, just break into a smile. Watch your mood change, even though nothing in your exterior has shifted.  Can’t hurt.  This is my goal this week, especially at work.

So in daily struggle to stay true to myself, find some balance, and keep edging myself out of this box of depression, I am going to seek the universal medicines in the forms of hugs, smiles, and quiet…♥

Missing Person…

Today…was supposed to be my errand day but turned into my lazy day…Chili dog was sick.  We didn’t sleep Friday into Saturday.

As I sat here watching my Chili sleep and flipping through channels, came across this movie, “The Missing Person” with Michael Shannon – love him – even on Boardwalk Empire.

This quote from the movie resonates with me…

“I don’t really mind living like this. Quiet, not much to say. But, sometimes, every once in a while, I remember back to when I had you.”


Sending a question out into the universe…why does an “ex” contact me every three months???

I wonder how many people out there in the world have had to deal with an ex contacting them after months of no contact…

I met this man when I was first separated, going through a messy divorce, unemployed, and we began to casually date for a few months – we didn’t meet each other’s friends, nor family.   We didn’t chat on the phone every night.  I thought it was all on me that we didn’t progress into something more stable or serious.   For one, I am not one for talking on the phone much.  I was going through a divorce and looking for work – so I thought I had too much going on to really include someone in my life.  We decided we were both looking for different things and went our merry way.  At least that is what I thought.  After the first time we decided to no longer date, he reached out to me after two months, then we would go out for a drink and then after a day, I would remember why we stopped seeing each other.  This behavior went on for a year.  I thought it was me being hard on him for not giving him a chance but then I realized it was really him who was so selfish and self-absorbed, and needed some kind of reaffirmation that I was still thinking of him after a couple of months.  So after one particularly frustrating time, I blocked him from calling and texting me.  Deleted him from Facebook.  We had no real reason to stay connected – no mutual friends, no familiar haunts.  But since a block on a cell only last a few months (who knew?!), a text from him came through to me yet again, and I foolishly agreed to meet up since he wanted my opinion on a math lesson he was planning for a Parent’s Night.  After meeting for drinks, he called me almost everyday for a week and wanted to get together and on the dates he suggested, I was not available.  So he thought I was blowing him off and I thought he was being selfish.  Yes.  This has been our cycle.  I have no real desire to date him.  I don’t dislike him so I thought we could be strictly friends.  But when he doesn’t get his way, I have to deal with a barrage of insults that range from my being incapable of being in a relationship,  to committing, not being a good friend, then he contradicted himself once and said I was too needy.  I don’t know anymore what he wants, or expects from me.  Every time I ask, I hear only silence and the echo of my words.  I am content in not speaking to him.  But for some reason he doesn’t let me fully go.  We chatted a bit for the holidays.  Then his birthday in January.  Then nothing.  March comes around, my birthday passes, nothing.  And I am okay with this.  Then yesterday of all days, I get a text from him, wanting to know what’s new, he is thinking of me, etc.  I chose to ignore.  But no, he wouldn’t let it go – this morning yet another text – this one more abrasive, “Ummm…silence from you is daunting”…seriously…I chose not to ignore.  Silly me!  I politely (I swear, we can be polite via text), ask him to stop this 2/3 check in of his, inane behavior and leave me alone…but my wish was not granted, he sent me another text just recently but I am willfully ignoring.  Childish?  Perhaps.  I just truly do not want to deal with any unnecessary drama.

If anyone out there has any advice, please send my way.  I am tired of this going back and forth.  This is my year to be true to myself and I am finding it hard to stay nice sometimes to people like him who just don’t get the message and stay away.

Just learning to be ME….creating beauty.

It has been a good year for me…especially deep down, where it counts.  My self-esteem is at an all-time high.  I have come to realize that there are people out there who try to bring me down – which I have finally realized and accepted only means that I am above them.  Yup!   And if that sounds like I am egotistical, then so be it.  I know who I am…and I will never again allow another person to doubt myself, make me feel less than whole.

Some may say that I have erected the walls around me because I am scared; but I don’t agree.  I know that these walls around me protect me from false people.  In my self-imposed isolation, I have learned my self-worth.  I have been able to discover who I really am, and who I continually strive to be.   I no longer look outside to others to define my value.

For years, I have tried getting my mother to actually like me, be proud of me – but now I just accept her lack of approval and interest in me and my life.  I no longer seek it; I no longer become so sad by it that it hinders me.   I have changed.   I no longer feel the need to try to convince her or anyone else that I am right or good; it’s more about acting from the center of my own heart with convictions that are unshakeable by someone else’s judgment.

I have learned that everyone, yes including me, creates their own beauty…with our actions, attitudes, and behavior.   When you know who you are, you can do anything…♥

When you’re pulled along!

When you’re pulled along!  Do you ever feel as if your life is pulling you someplace you don’t want to go?

Comedian Carol Burnett experienced one of those moments when she emerged from a cab one day and caught her coat in the door. The driver was unaware of her plight and slowly began to edge out into traffic. All of a sudden, she found herself being pulled out into the street. All she could do was run alongside the cab as it made it’s way down the block.

A passerby alerted the driver who quickly stopped. He jumped out and released Carol’s coat from the door.

‘Are you all right?’ he asked anxiously.

‘Yes’ she gasped, ‘but how much more do I owe you?’

Life goes like that sometimes. It pulls us along and all we can do is run to keep up. Or it may pull us in a direction we never chose to go and charge us for the experience!

It pulls us into frightening problems and circumstances.
It pulls us into complex situations that call forth the best from us.
It pulls us into experiences that change us and mold us.
It pulls us into the lives of other people.
It pulls us into opportunities to make a difference.
It pulls us in directions we never planned on going and gives us experiences we never thought we needed.

Sometimes all we can do is try to run alongside and make the best of a situation. But if we also let those situations make the best of us, it will always be worth the trip. (Shared from Steve Goodier).

Appreciating everything…
Appreciate those who have hurt you, because they strengthen your heart.
Appreciate those who deceive you, because they improve your wisdom.
Appreciate those who slander against you, because they improve your personality.
Appreciate those who whip you, because they arouse your will to fight.
Appreciate those who abandon you, because they teach you independence.
Appreciate those who make you stumble, because they strengthen your legs.
Appreciate those who denounce you, because they remind you of your shortcomings.

You have been un-friended! You are fired!

For years I was hesitant to create a Facebook page, then after months of my cousins sending me requests, I finally created one.  Now almost three years later, I going through a major spring cleaning.  I have been un-friending those “friends” whom I have had no contact with for a few weeks….if someone hasn’t posted something, I could comment to; if they haven’t “liked” or commented something I posted, or if they haven’t sent me any “gifts” to play my games, then mostly likely I have un-friended them.  If we haven’t texted offline in real time, or chatted, then most likely I am un-friending someone.  I need to de-clutter my life.  I have never needed a lot of friends, just the right ones.  So I am “firing” my so-called friends; dropping the negative people in my life.  Unfortunately, fortunately – all depending who and what day, I won’t delete my family members.  I will just hide them.  Family is forever, but that doesn’t mean you need to let them hold you back from enjoying life!

For the last year and a half, I have felt consistently happier – despite my major financial and health issues.  This is the longest stretch of happiness I have encountered since I was a child.  Yes sad to admit.  I divorced a sadistic poor excuse for a man, I left a job of micro-managers, incompetent people.  I am re-branding myself and starting over.  So far, its working out beautifully.

Over the same amount of time, I have cut a multitude of people out of my life that dragged me down in one way or another:  energy-zappers, promoters of bad habits, judgmental janes, selfish users, thoughtless, insensitive, non–understanding people.  Fate?  Coincidence? Nope.  I strongly believe that the first step is directly linked to the second.

Sometimes you just need to walk away.  Since I’ve cut or limited my time with negative people in my life, I have found: more self love, more freedom and confidence in myself; the bonds with my truly supportive friends grew stronger because I put more effort into those relationships.  I now attract more like-minded positive people into my life- the others get cut fast.

Sometimes, the best thing for you to do for yourself and your bliss is to sever a friendship that brings you down.
I know this sounds harsh, but it is one of the key steps I’ve encountered on my way to finding happiness.  If someone is no longer bringing a smile to my face, then good-bye.   I have learned that friends will come and go, and that is natural.  Severing the ties with someone makes room for more positive people to come into your life, and allows you more time to nurture the true friendships you have.

So here I continue…on my journey…being brave….being honest…saving myself from wasting any more time.   I have to repeat to myself over and over again…the only thing holding me back from my ideal life is me not taking action.  So I get up everyday, and I try again.  I am strong enough.

This is my one life….one…I am now choosing more carefully the people I allow into my life, who I want to spend it with….sometimes there’s no going back…no do-overs.   ♥

Dreading the holiday weekend…

Started root canal this week and the last thing I want to do this weekend is deal with my family.   Dreading the holiday weekend.   Sad to say, but the truth.

When you learn to accept instead of expect, you’ll surely avoid getting hurt and you’ll have fewer disappointments.  This what I have been focusing most of my energies for a while.

I have learned that when it came to my family, I was the problem because my expectations were off track.  False hope that things could be better, feel closer, kept me trying and sucked in and inappropriately connected.  For so long, I have wanted what I could not have – a mom who’s proud of me, a step-father who doesn’t pit people against each other, a sister you can trust and depend on.  When I finally accepted the face value of my painful situation instead of the fantasy, it has been a little easier to live with.

I have learned that I needed to set some strong boundaries when I felt they were treating me badly.  I have screened my calls, picked what gatherings I attend, unfortunately had to limit contact with my nieces and nephew in the past… And truthfully, I have just started and continue to set my expectations pretty low.  Casual activity that doesn’t get emotional is ideal, unless they are so destructive you should cut them off completely, like my older sister.  I have tried but sometimes people just suck the energy out of you.

Think of it this way.  If a female bear was around a grouchy adult male who was bullying her and her cubs, do you really think she’d try to get snuggle up next to him each time he came around?  No!  She’d either hightail it out of the area or put up a fight if absolutely necessary.  She wouldn’t stay around and take it, hoping he’d get into a better mood one of these times.

So already feeling the pain of the root canal, and lack of sleep…and now preparing myself for a stressful few hours this holiday weekend.  I just have to think about what the protective mother bear would do.

I’ve learned that you can’t make someone love you.   Some people are incapable of seeing the good in others.  And I have allowed myself to follow my gut and stay away from the vampires.

I am sure there has to be others that have friends or family that seem to oooze negativity! If you don’t than that is wonderful and probably a miracle…Negative  people are like black holes, they suck the life right out of you… On the surface the people around you may seem very nice but they have a tendency to drain all your energy and hence they have the ability to suck the life out of you…whether it be from insecurity, jealousy or just plain malice.

I have gotten to the point of when people that are extremely negative and have nothing good to say or do, I just tune them out or should I say try to tune them out…I’m not sure if this is a good approach, but it seems to work for the most part…I can understand if a person needs someone to listen to them or to sound things out and get advice… But what about the person who talks and talks and talks about how everything is so bad and refuses to do anything to help their situation.

I know I am at times a negative person and am continually trying to overcome that and look at the cup half full rather than half empty – except my wine glass!   It’s a lot easier said than done. When I see others that are so extreme in their own negativity, it has a way of making me look at myself and make sure what I am saying or doing isn’t negative.  So I guess in a way my family has been helpful to me in ways they are not even aware of I am sure.  We all have our moments and I personally think that is OK, as long as you don’t let those feelings overcome you and take over your life or suck the life out of others around you…

If you don’t like something change it; if you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.

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