Missing home…

I can’t believe that after losing my mm♥ almost 11 years ago, he is still the only wish and present I want for my birthday…one I know I never will have again.  Nothing feels the same without him.  I try.  But…his smile, his words…linger…

I can still hear the way he used to say my name.  Most days even my friends can’t tell my laughter from my cries.

It doesn’t matter how many times you’ve been somewhere with someone new trying to replace the past that’s attached to it, or how many times you wear something over and over again trying to rid it of a scent that still seems to live in it, or how many days, years, months or seasons go by – there will always seem to be that one memory much stronger than the rest that your heart will remember the most.  I can’t stop wandering sometimes, remembering the ways he used to laugh and make me smile.  I still smile at the thought of it.  Hurts – his face seems to be fading from my eyes.  I can’t let him fully disappear.  I want to remember his laugh, his voice, his scent…

Ah time…so fleeting, so unbending… has changed nothing at all…my mm♥ is still the only one that feels like home.  I’ve tried moving forward, and at times, I feel like I have let go…but he is still the only one that feels like home. *sigh*

So this is it, the feelings that I’ve missed.  A subtle kind of pain that keeps me from sleep.  Sleep…time…elusive…


About Teresita

I am a writer, a thinker, an introvert, work behind the scenes kind of person - I am of Puerto Rican blood, have an Italian soul, and a Berliner mind....just learning...♥ View all posts by Teresita

2 responses to “Missing home…

  • creativenoodling

    Liking something this sad seems wrong so I will comment instead… Eleven years… Wow. I’m just a month into my heartbreak. The ache is deafening isn’t it.

  • Teresita

    Sorry you are feeling the shards of your broken heart. Not sure how you lost your love. Embrace the center of your sorrow, feel it, allow yourself to grow stronger somehow. Mine hits me when anniversaries, birthdays, holidays…happy days, sad, days…And no matter what anybody says about grief, and about time healing all wounds, the truth is, there are certain sorrows that never fade away until the heart stops beating and the last breath is taken. We will be crushed once again by trying love…best to you.

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