Carpe Diem…Exhausting…but still hopeful…

You ever have one those long weeks leading up to the weekend, and although you were busy, going out, sharing some laughs – still felt so discontented, and unfulfilled somehow?  I can’t quite put my finger on it…but its like this slightly annoying feeling.

Learning that keeping busy, trying to put myself back out there into the dating world is exhausting and bleak.  Within the last five days, I have learned why exes should remain in the past, why really much younger men will never be able to provide me what I truly need.  I don’t consider myself materialistic, but I do know I can’t fall for a man who is stingy with either his emotions or his cash.  I can’t respect or warm up to a tight fist, a tight bank account balance, or an uptight personality.

I am sure we have all heard the saying, “Never let someone be your priority, while you remain their option” – but how many actually follow this sage advice?!  I know I have not…but I am working on it…

It’s no secret I have a weakness — I see people better than they really are or better than they see themselves.  My expectations and trust of people always gets the best of me because I place them high on top of the totem pole instead of leaving room for their faults and issues so, when they do something that goes against what I think of them; I always, always end up being disappointed and in tears. When getting involved in a romantic relationship this kind of thinking has always lead to my own personal heartbreak because I chose to make a man my priority when he only considers me his option.

I am no longer choosing to be this way, at this point and stage in my life I am choosing to be selfish in life and in love. I’m choosing to look out for me and no one else.   I should feel a little jaded about life and love, but I don’t.

In 2012, my year of possibilities, I am choosing to be my own priority and not anyone’s option. I have learned that being an option is not a relationship; you are just filling a void for that particular time and place. You probably see each other when it is convenient for the other person, without them considering if it works for you. Around to stroke their ego.  Being an option means getting that last minute call when all their other plans have fallen through and you are their last resort.  Being an option also means having a purely sexual relationship –no dates, no conversations, no meeting friends and family, just purely sexual. When you are priority, you know that you are a priority. Being a priority is being in a relationship; it does not need to be spoken where and with whom you are spending your free time, you both are making time for each other according to both schedules and are making plans in advance. Being a priority is like being a rare one of a kind precious item that someone will whole-heartedly cherish and will always be the their pride and joy. Being a priority is not just about the sex; it’s about building a foundation of friendship that blossoms into a solid and firm relationship. It means going on dates, having good conversations, meeting the important people in his/ her life. If you are a priority and it’s important to him/her then they should make an effort to incorporate you into their life and vice versa. Get the picture? If you are being treated like an option instead of a priority, all I ask is that you have the courage to walk away…I did…and will continue to do so until I find that one who makes time for me, and knows that actions speak louder than words and a kiss is not just a kiss.   Life is too short to play with people’s emotions, that’s how people get hurt … start being accountable for your actions…♥

I am a firm believer that we probably need to meet a few wrong people before finding the right one, so that when we finally find the right one, we will know how to be grateful.  I also understand that I won’t find that person again sitting home with my dog or parents.  So I will continue going out, hoping for the best, expecting the worse.   I am no longer willing to be just a footnote in someone else’s story.

“It’s impossible.” said pride.
“It’s risky.” said experience.
“It’s pointless.” said reason.
“Give it a try.” whispered the heart.”

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About Teresita

I am a writer, a thinker, an introvert, work behind the scenes kind of person - I am of Puerto Rican blood, have an Italian soul, and a Berliner mind....just learning...♥ View all posts by Teresita

3 responses to “Carpe Diem…Exhausting…but still hopeful…

  • Rachel Gama

    Sita – came across this today and it was meant for you…keep writing, sorting it all out…soon. TAM! ♥ “You yearn for someone not because you want to be complete but because you want to add more color to your life. That person must not necessarily break through your schedule but inspire you to manage your time instead. You see, it is not a matter of distance and time. It is more like a relationship in a higher level. It is smiling alone every once in a while, knowing that somewhere, somehow, someone smiles at the thought of you too.”

  • Teresita

    R – read today: “I cannot move forward if I continue to hold on to what’s behind me. It’s time to let go so that I will have both hands open to grab a hold of the future.” My plan, and my hope…TAM! ♥

  • Rachel Gama

    Sita – love you. Never feel like you have to force your way into someone’s life or settle for crumbs; there is someone special out there for you who will realize and appreciate your true worth, and create that time and space for you. TAM ♥

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