I Feel Empty …

I came across this quote but I do not know who wrote it.  It captures exactly how I am feeling today …

I feel empty
yet so full
of emotion

Like the smallest thing
could push me
off the edge

What do you do
when there’s nothing
but pain
left inside you

And what if everything
we were looking for
only existed
in our
dream

How do you explain
something
you don’t even understand
yourself


You Only Live Once – False!

I came across this post and had to reblog it.  Thank you Aeron Elizabeth!

You only die once!
It was meant to be funny,
but I found truth in the words.
I don’t want to just live every day.
I want to give my angels a show to enjoy!
Joyce Meyer said something cute,
“The 20 angels watching over you sure are bored to death when you
go about living each day like it’s another ordinary day.”
Exactly.
Each day is a gift.
Don’t let “The Joy Thief” steal it away!
Get up in the morning telling yourself,
I am going to make this the best day!
I am going to overflow with joy, love, happiness, excitement,
even if I just go to the grocery store!
I will not let anyone steal my joy!
We have only ONE life to live!
Every day is another chance to give it all you got!
Living, breathing, going after your dreams, making a difference!
Find the beauty in each day.
It will become a habit.
Make your angels dance for joy.
Give them a show.
 photo 1b88a4c6-1ece-4940-b3b4-9682ee6452e9_zps395bafe1.jpg

Echoes of Sorrow …

My heart hurts.  For many years, I have turned down jobs that would have me working back in the Wall Street Financial area of NYC.  I lost the love of my life and friends on 9/11 and couldn’t quite fathom passing the site where the towers and so many lives were destroyed.  

But after 5,321 days – 14 years, 6 months, and 26 days – I find myself working back on Wall Street.  I have to work.  It’s a great opportunity and I am hoping it helps me heal more and keep moving forward.  But today was hard, very hard.  I have been taking a long route to the Path train, avoiding the new WTC Transportation Hub Oculus as much as I can but today I got a little turned around, there is still so much construction near the area – so I found myself on a different side street,  having to pass the Memorial’s teflecting pools.  It took the air out of my lungs.  I couldn’t breathe for a while.  It was beautiful yet so sad.  I didn’t go looking for their names but then I passed one, and then another.  My knees buckled.  And even as I write these words I can’t stop crying. My heart and soul aches.  Chastising myself to grow up, to be strong can’t seem to stop the tears.  I saw a line of people waiting to go into the museum and all I kept thinking is why do people want to gawk at remnants of that fateful day.  I am so confused, so torn, in so much pain.  My thoughts are jumbled, my emotions raw.  I want to scream.  I want everyone to leave.  I want the 2,606 people who perished there to rest in peace.  I am trying to understand.

I am at a crossroads.  All around me are crowds of people, rushing about their day and I find myself glued to the spot where my forever heart’s name is engraved.  I am numb, yet shaking.  I wanted someone to pinch me or drag me away.  I needed to get away.  I could not.

It was all so surreal.  I stopped crying.  I swear the winds spoke to me.  The sun went behind clouds.  And I knew at that precise second, he was there.  Trying to help me.  I felt a calm come over me.  I tried to take photos but seeing them now – all were blurry from my hand shaking.  I can never go back in that direction.  I will never go into the museum.  I will never forget.  But I live the horrors each and every day, I don’t need to see it come alive for me anymore.

I must apologize for the rambling.  I am trying really hard to express myself but I am feeling lost.  My mind muddled like its trying to recall and forget all at the same time. I don’t want to feel so defeated, so lost.

I placed flowers, I prayed, I slowly walked away and then the tears started again.  Leaving yet another piece of my heart there, I boarded the Path with my heart beating so loudly, grace in my step, hope in my heart, tears in my eyes, and a prayer on my lips…missing my forever heart.


Love With No Regrets

Every night when my head hits the pillow I go back to you, my forever heart …

I found myself dreaming
In silver and gold
Like a scene from a movie
That every broken heart knows we were walking on moonlight
And you pulled me close
Split second and you disappeared and then I was all alone

I woke up in tears
With you by my side
A breath of relief
And I realized
No, we’re not promised tomorrow

So I’m gonna love you
Like I’m gonna lose you
I’m gonna hold you
Like I’m saying goodbye wherever we’re standing
I won’t take you for granted ’cause we’ll never know when
When we’ll run out of time so I’m gonna love you
Like I’m gonna lose you
I’m gonna love you like I’m gonna lose you

In the blink of an eye
Just a whisper of smoke
You could lose everything
The truth is you never know

So I’ll kiss you longer baby
Any chance that I get
I’ll make the most of the minutes and love with no regrets

Let’s take our time
To say what we want
Use what we got
Before it’s all gone
‘Cause no, we’re not promised tomorrow

So I’m gonna love you
Like I’m gonna lose you
I’m gonna hold you
Like I’m saying goodbye wherever we’re standing
I won’t take you for granted ’cause we’ll never know when
When we’ll run out of time so I’m gonna love you
Like I’m gonna lose you
I’m gonna love you like I’m gonna lose you

Hey
Whoa

I’m gonna love you
Like I’m gonna lose you
I’m gonna hold you
Like I’m saying goodbye wherever we’re standing
I won’t take you for granted ’cause we’ll never know when
When we’ll run out of time so I’m gonna love you
Like I’m gonna lose you
I’m gonna love you like I’m gonna lose you


I Stand Naked

Real soulmates know without having to ask the easy questions … The one who deserves your naked body is the one who knows your story.

* I do not own these two poems, but it was too beautiful not to share.*

You think you’ve seen her naked because she took her clothes off?
Tell me about her dreams.
Tell me what breaks her heart.
What is she passionate about, and what makes her cry?
Tell me about her childhood.
Better yet, tell me one story about her that you’re not in.

You’ve seen her skin, and you’ve touched her body.
But you still know as much about her as a book you once found,
but never got around to opening.

i felt you not

by fingertips
or even against my lips.
i felt you in my breath
and in my bones.
And how you turned my skin
from a body to a home.

i found you
not by compass
and not by map.
i found you from the light
that made it through the cracks.

Grace, Dominic Matthew Jackson

I am still waiting on this person. I thought I found him – once, twice … many eons ago, in shadows, in rare moments, in my memories. But he only tore my pages apart to the ones where he and only he was the star in them.   You could touch a woman’s body but still have her soul remain untouched. I am not for shallow waters – you want me, you better get to know me in the depth of my soul.

I want, I wait for that one special person who will open my book … who will devour the light that reaches his eyes and who can savor every single word that he reads, sees, understands, and still after turning the last page, wants to know more, to seek  out more, to understand the words that I do not yet know how to write or share.  I want him to read until our lives entwined becomes the book. I want to love with all of my soul …

Waiting …  standing here naked …


Let’s Make A Monument For Our Love …

Heard this song today, and thank goodness for Shazam for helping me find it.  Celebrates life, love, memories, romance … makes my heart happy, my feet move.

There’s a daylight going under
There’s a new spark to discover
And you know we’re not getting any younger
So remember, this is our time

[Chorus]
I wanna drive an open road
Can we go out tonight
Anything goes
Let’s make a monument for our love, our love
Our love, our love
Let’s make a monument for our love, our love
Our love, our love…

There’s a memory around the corner
There’s an angel on our shoulders
To remind us life is far from over
So remember, this is our time

[Chorus]
I wanna drive an open road
Can we go out tonight
Anything goes
Let’s make a monument for our love, our love
Our love, our love
Let’s make a monument for our love, our love
Our love, our love

Every night is ours to own
Everywhere is ours to roam
Every sun is sunshine gold
Everywhere
Let’s make a monument for our love, our love
Another monument for our love, our love

Our love, our love
Let’s make a monument for our love, our love
Make a monument for our love, our love…

Produced By: MUTEMATH

Written By: MUTEMATH


The Art of Saying Thank You

I would have to say one of my biggest pet peeves is when people don’t say thank you. What has happened to good manners. etiquette, gratitude, appreciation?

I know society has changed in many ways:  I understand how the world moves at a faster pace – and so many of us have adapted to this pace and prefer things be done more quickly, by email or phone.  I believe that some people have so much that so many take it all for granted.  Some people just have a sense of entitlement, and they feel like they deserve it.

Acknowledging takes very little effort but people still don’t make the time. I am tired. Tired of all the selfish people, especially in the family I was sadly born into.  I give, and give with very little respect.  I have to stop.  I always feel worse after holidays.  They under appreciate, and I over give.  No more.

For years, they take and rarely express gratitude – they just continue to show me they don’t care, they demean me, and show by their silence and lack of acknowledging my giving how much they belittle me and I guess they don’t have to thank me because I mean nothing to them.

They never recognize that I had a choice, I didn’t have to buy anything, all their favorites. They were not entitled.  I didn’t have to make the time, to pick up anything.  I am just a giver.  I am respectful.  No more.

I have to write this over and over, so I can make myself accountable.  Some people truly don’t deserve me in their life – in no form.

Keeping more to myself.  Learning to respect and appreciate myself more.  Give to myself more …  with grace in my step and hope in my heart.


All The Joy

Watching movies today and came across this beautiful song …

 

I took a night with you
And then I took another
And to my solitude
I brought a lover
We beckon ecstasy undercover
We took all the joy we could take
So lightly
And all the love we could make
So mightily, yeah
All the joy we could take
So lightly
And all the love we could make
So mightily, yeah
And I am driving fast as the sun goes down
This spell may not last,
But it was fun wearing the crown
That made me the princess
And you the clown
We took all the joy we could take
So lightly
And all the love we could make
So mightily
And al the joy we could take
So lightly
And all the love we could make
So mightily, yeah
And with this feather in your cap
You do prance around
The wings on my feet
They do not touch the ground
And when I think of you
I don’t hear a sound
I took all the joy I could take
So lightly
And all the love I could make
So mightily
All the joy I could take
So lightly
And all the love I could make
So mightily, yeah
All the love I could make
So mightily, yeah
All the love I could make
So mightily, yeah …

“I Am Yours”

I needed this song today ….reminder that God is ever present.  He sent us this beautiful singer whose voice is purely graced with a gift.  Angels shine His love onto our darkness.


I see Your fingerprints
The work of Your hands
It’s all in Your hands
I see the evidence
Leaving nothing to chance
The world’s in Your hands

So I rest in Your promises
Now I am sure of this
I’m Yours

Let the waters rise
I will stand as the oceans roar
Let the earth shake beneath me
Let the mountains fall
You are God over the storm
And I am Yours

I hear the voice of love
Calling me home
To where I belong
It cripples every fear
And the ones who will kneel
Will walk away healed

So I rest in Your promises
Now I am sure of this
I’m Yours
No power is strong enough
To separate me from Your love
I’m Yours…

So let the waters rise
I will stand as the oceans roar
Let the earth shake beneath me
Let the mountains fall
You are God over the storm
And I am Yours

Even the thunder and the wind obey
At the command of my Father, Father
I set my feet upon Your mighty name
So let the rain fall harder, harder

So take my everything, my flesh and blood
I’ll lay me down on the altar, altar
I am forever covered in Your love
So let the rain fall hard

So let the waters rise
I will stand as the oceans roar
Let the earth shake beneath me
Let the mountains fall
You are God over the storm
And I am Yours

Let the waters rise
I will stand as the oceans roar
Let the earth shake beneath me
Let the mountains fall
You are God over the storm
And I am Yours

You are God over the storm
And I am Yours


Excerpt from Narcissistic Mothers

I pray for strength each day in dealing with my Mom.  I love her but its hard.  I spent the day at the hospital with my parents today – my step dad’s sugar level went over 500!  Yes crazy!  After talking to the doctors, and asking my parents questions, I learned that my Mom was not allowing my step dad to use the test strips for the diabetes machine – she consciously kept them from him.  Who does that?!

My Mom has done many mean spirited things I wouldn’t know where to start and I sadly don’t see her evil ways ending anytime soon either.

I surf the internet because I am constantly trying to make sense of her.  And how perpetuate her behavior.

This article just spoke to me.  I understood each and every word because I lived it, I still do.

I do not love; I do not love anybody except myself. That is a rather shocking thing to admit. I have none of the selfless love of my mother. I have none of the plodding, practical love. . . . . I am, to be blunt and concise, in love only with myself, my puny being with its small inadequate breasts and meager, thin talents. I am capable of affection for those who reflect my own world. – Sylvia Plath

Source: Narcissistic Mothers


Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,000 other followers

%d bloggers like this: