With friends like that, who needs enemies!

Teresita:

Sadly reminded that most people are incapable of true selfless love, friendship and empathy….

Originally posted on RandomTs:

There is a Scottish proverb that I find quite fitting today of all days: “False friends are worse than bitter enemies.”

This quote speaks to the fact that it is almost easier to deal with someone who you know from the start is not on your side than someone who you thought was a friend but is really not. I know that I can’t depend on my immediate family for support, to have my back, or to even pick up the phone and check-in on me. But I have people in my life who swear they will be there for me no matter what, and they act like they would be – but it is these individuals who break my heart. All talk and no real substance. They say all the right things, but their actions betray them and fail me.

An acquaintance has a little something in common with…

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Give In To Me

I’m gonna wear you down
I’m gonna make you see
I’m gonna get to you
You’re gonna give in to me

I’m gonna start a fire
You’re gonna feel the heat
I’m gonna burn for you
You’re gonna melt for me

Come on, come on
Into my arms
Come on, come on
Give in to me

You’re gonna take my hand
Whisper the sweetest words
And if you’re ever sad
I’ll make you laugh
I’ll chase the hurt

My heart is set on you
I don’t want no one else
And if you don’t want me
I guess I’ll be all by myself

Come on, come on
Into my arms
Come on, come on (come on)
Give in to me

I’ll use my eyes to draw you in
Until I’m under your skin
I’ll use my lips, I’ll use my arms
Come on, come on, come on
Give in to me

Give in to me …


Sensitive Souls….

These quotes express exactly how I am feeling right at this moment….

“Sometimes your light shines so bright that it blinds people from seeing who you really are.”
― Shannon L. Alder

“Sensitive people are the most genuine and honest people you will ever meet. There is nothing they won’t tell you about themselves if they trust your kindness. However, the moment you betray them, reject them or devalue them, they become the worse type of person. Unfortunately, they end up hurting themselves in the long run. They don’t want to hurt other people. It is against their very nature. They want to make amends and undo the wrong they did. Their life is a wave of highs and lows. They live with guilt and constant pain over unresolved situations and misunderstandings. They are tortured souls that are not able to live with hatred or being hated. This type of person needs the most love anyone can give them because their soul has been constantly bruised by others. However, despite the tragedy of what they have to go through in life, they remain the most compassionate people worth knowing, and the ones that often become activists for the broken hearted, forgotten and the misunderstood. They are angels with broken wings that only fly when loved.”
― Shannon L. Alder

“The people you think are the happiest are usually the saddest; that’s because they see more and feel deeper than others do. They are the sensitive and they see beyond the veil of what’s tangible and what’s not. They wear no masks and can see through the masks of others. The sensitive to life are few in number, which is why they feel so alone…because they are all alone.”
― Donna Lynn Hope


Today … Never Forget Indeed!

I see so many people posting images in remembrance of 9/11, the words #NeverForget trending….candles being lit, and flags are waving. But ask yourselves, what does this truly all mean?

I sit and breathe in the silence
I sit and breathe in the pain
Moments…
Sitting by myself.
Waiting…

Yes …9/11. May we never forget. I feel my loss each and every day; even on those days when I smile, laugh, enjoy myself. I try harder each day to live my life to the fullest, not just for me, but for all of those I have lost. They will never have another chance to smile, laugh, cry …geesh, not even enjoy a glass of wine.

So, let’s always never forget…we have loved ones still live, with us. Hug them. Tell them you love them. Make time for them. Smile through your tears.
Thank a soldier. Volunteer. Do something other than post an image. Make someone smile today. Life is ever fleeting, hours, turn into days. Moments turn into memories. Tomorrow turns into yesterday.

I remember walking out into the beautiful sunshine and seeing the gigantic American flag above the Bear Stearns building that forever day etched into my soul, waving in the breeze so beautiful, so proud, so hopeful. And although my life forever changed, my safe protective bubble had been badly bruised and my heart broken, that flag reminded me that in the midst of the greatest loss lies the potential for the greatest miracles. That hope is never lost. That hate never gets the last word. My sadness won’t keep me down. I was reminded today by a fellow follower on here that I need to wrap my arms around the gift that grief has given me, and that is so true. So, thank you!

I know how life can seem cruel and life at times just isn’t fair and how true freedom comes at a cost … but through all odds I have never given up nor has America given up that dream. So yes…Never Forget … today is another chance at making a difference, taking strength in grief.

flag


I know I will see you again …

I get so more melancholy and turn more quietly inward – especially between August through September. I have lost so many people I truly loved. For the past 13 years, I dread today. I dread the anniversary and the repeated replays of the planes, the impacts, the fireballs and the collapsing towers.

It truly is like ripping off a Band-Aid … but my heart feels this open wound. Today, 13 years ago, I lost four true friends, one my irreplaceable heart, my soul mate.

The days will always be brighter because he existed. The nights will always be darker because he’s gone. And no matter what anybody says about grief, and about time healing all wounds, the truth is, there are certain sorrows that never fade away until the heart stops beating and the last breath is taken. Always my heart ♥mm♥ …

I have come to realize that destiny can hurt a person as much as it can bless them, and I find myself wondering why – out of all the people in all the world I could ever have loved – I had to fall in love with someone who was taken away from me.

One day he was there and then all of a sudden, he is gone. There’s less of him each passing year. And you wonder where that part went – if it’s living somewhere, outside of you, and you keep thinking maybe you’ll get it back. And then you realize…it’s just gone.

Many say it’s easier to burn than to build; many say it’s easier to hurt than to heal…But I say you lose when you give up what you love…And I’ve lived my life without that long enough.

I hold pieces of him; I hold them so tight that they eventually become pieces of myself that am still learning to grow from but never away from. I hold onto them so tight that they eventually become the only pieces that can hold my shaky bones together. They become the only pieces that can keep this broken heart of mine held together…

Have you ever thought that if one thing hadn’t happened, a whole set of things never would have either? Like dominoes in time, a single event kicked off an unstoppable series of changes that gained momentum and spun out of control, and nothing was ever the same again. Don’t ever doubt that a mere second can change your life forever. It can. It has. Everything does really happen for a reason.

I’ve got no more illusions…I know I’ll see you again…but for today, I am allowing myself to fully experience the full impact of my loss. Grieving all over again. Grief…I am following it, crying when I want to, yelling at God, screaming into my pillow, and avoiding most people and definitely the news.

Grief is itself the only medicine I need right now. And anyone who doesn’t understand this or who can’t accept, stay away from me. So fake better stay away from me.

“After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul. You learn that kisses aren’t contracts and presents aren’t promises. You learn that loving doesn’t mean leaning and company doesn’t always mean security, and you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much. After a while you learn to build all your dreams on today because tomorrows ground is too uncertain for dreams, and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight. After a while you learn to accept your defeats with your head held with the grace of a woman and not the grief of a child. After a while you learn to plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone else to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really are strong, that you really do have self worth, and you can endure, and you learn and learn, with every “goodbye” you learn…” (Veronica A. Shoffstall)

“I am not the happiest person. In fact, in the battle between joy and misery, I’d say that the latter often seems to prevail. I don’t like this, and every day I refuse, for the eighty millionth time, to put up with another minute of it. But the world does what it does, and I often find it disagreeable. After all these years, I’m kind of resigned to that. But I do have one thing on my side: I have enormous faith. And hope. I am not speaking of the kind you find in church or in the afterlife or in heaven or in the Saint James Bible or in the Hare Krishna’s that we all encounter changing flights in the airports of the world, I am speaking of a simple faith that says that one way or another, no matter how many times I stumble and stub my big toe, somehow life is going to work itself out.” (Elizabeth Wurtzel)

candles


Me….Screaming….

So many people take so much for granted. I think sometimes life is so unfair. People have parents, brothers and loves and take them for granted – I wonder do they realize what they have. I think too the price we pay for loving so much is an immense pain when we suffer loss because I don’t just hurt like normal people – I hurt so much more- I can’t let them go and in many ways I refuse to let them go. Cancer may haunt me, but I will be damned if I will let it define me…I am trying so hard each and every day not to let my health define me nor change my life drastically. I sometimes lose that battle. I struggle to regain some normalcy. Many people just don’t get me nor can understand my choices. And that is okay. I get it. And that is all that should matter. I sadly don’t think many people realize how words can affect other people.

Words can be so brutal. Sometimes I just feel lost, helpless. I try so hard to just smile through all. I just wish more people could think before speaking, writing. We all should guard our words better. Words once spoken, can’t be unspoken. We just can’t take them back. Even if it was a joke, even if you were being curious; your words can be hurtful, brutal and may stay with the other person forever. It’s better to be silent than to be an idiot. For the most part, I believe that people don’t mean to be cruel, they just don’t fully comprehend all.

I have been sickly since I was born. So I have tried really hard to not take my health nor the days of my life for granted. I sadly see so many people who just think they are invincible. Some of my friends eat right, they exercise, and they still think disease or accidents can’t reach their lives. I just want to scream sometimes. I just want to yell, “don’t take your health for granted….don’t put things off…tomorrow may never get here…”.

Sigh….tired. Tomorrow will be a long day for my family. So many doctors, so little time. Aye, so I wasn’t blessed with good health. I have teeth that I’m lucky are still (mostly) there. I have hair that I’m lucky hasn’t all fallen out. I have a body that has been beaten and broken many times over by something I’ll never fully understand. And for a time, I really thought that was all there was. But, I’m a fighter and have decided early on that this wasn’t how my story will end.

Me….screaming…appreciate, don’t take the little things for granted…Live each day…live deliciously!

pray


The Last….action….

Just finished watching the movie, “The Last Kiss”, with Zach Braff.

In the movie, Zach’s character, afraid and immature, makes a mistake and then apologizes to his girlfriend and to her dad. He says he’s sorry, and reassures them that he loves her. The dad looks him in the eye and says the best line of the movie that truly hits home:

“Stop talking about love. Every asshole in the world says he loves somebody. It means nothing. It still doesn’t mean anything. What you feel only matters to you. It’s what you do to the people you say you love, that’s what matters. It’s the only thing that counts.”

Actions!! Actions will always speak louder than words.

There is so much truth behind the line “What you feel only matters to you.” Think about it. What really counts is how we behave in the world, and sadly sometimes our actions do not measure up to our words. They can be out of sync. Our feelings or beliefs don’t make us better people, they don’t truly define who we are. Our actions and behavior do! I wish we could stop caring so much about what others believe; I wish we could stop trying to follow others in their beliefs; I wish more people who could just focus more on how to act accordingly in the every day moments. And understand that every action has a reaction.

Great music soundtrack. I love the group Coldplay and this song just resonates with me today….

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h8oTT9r9978

When The Truth Is, I Miss You
Yeah The Truth Is, That I Miss You So
And I’m Tired I Should Not Have Let You Go ♥


Walls

Its been said about me…”She’s strong because she knows what it’s like to be weak. She keeps a guard up because she knows what it’s like to cry herself to sleep.

I had to cut my vacation short and rush home. My step dad needs surgery. On our way to hospital earlier today, we were all so lost in our own thoughts of “what ifs” … and this song comes on … literally holding back tears. I am a stress mess.

I am exhausted, sleep deprived, running on fumes. I feel like I am in a bubble.

Girl meets boy; boy misunderstands and hurts girl; girl has no choice but to move on…

Isn’t that what building walls is all about? Trying to claim back your own strength in the face of adversity? Otherwise what reason to put up walls? It seems the higher the walls we put up, the greater the pain we have experienced in our past. I belong to the school of thought which believes that we, as humans, are hard-wired to persevere and fight back when our survival is at risk – not just our physical survival but our mental and emotional survival as well. When situations bring us to a point where we feel that we have been brought to our knees emotionally, we will fight back in order to get through it and find ourselves again. We will likely be extra sensitive, we will have our guard up, we will cry ourselves to sleep, and we will build walls. It is part and parcel in the healing process. Ideally, we will also push through our pain and come out the other side both stronger and more self-aware. We will survive, and if we want to live a full life, we will hopefully get to the point of allowing ourselves to trust again. (Gia)

“Yeah, I’ll be okay.” I type…And the tears fall, silently down my cheeks.


I often miss this little girl…whose dreams had no barriers, who believed in a world where anything is possible. with a heart that was full and unbroken.

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Turn Me On

Somehow I’ve ended up watching Love Actually in the middle of summer! ♥ it!!!

Best soundtrack! I feel it in my fingers, I feel it in my toes… Love. Actually….

Like a flower waiting to bloom
Like a lightbulb in a dark room
I’m just sitting here waiting for you
To come on home and turn me on

Like the desert waiting for the rain
Like a school kid waiting for the spring
Im just sitting here waiting for you
To come on home and turn me on

My poor heart it’s been so dark
Since you’ve been gone
After all you’re the one who turns me off
You’re the only one who can turn me back on

My hi-fi is waiting for a new tune
My glass is waiting for some fresh ice cubes
I’m just sitting here waiting for you
To come on home and turn me on
Turn me on…♥

love


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